Friday Night 9:30
 

HOLY S*** did I struggle with cravings today! I did not drink. I definitely took it moment to moment at times today though...high points-took my kids to a drive through Christmas Lights Park...and wasn't sneaking a half-pint or gripping the wheel desperately holding on until I got home and the hidden bottle and oblivion....or resenting them for wanting to go and putting me in danger of another DWI ( thats how I think)...really edgy and snappish today...surges of intense rage and anger but I didn't pour that on anybody..just took walks and smoked. Lots of anxiety and catastrophizing...doom and gloom stuff..trying to remember my feelings are real but not reality...its just how I feel. Very sensitive to light and noise ...appetite definitely back....SUGAR...I'm not gonna worry about the sugar thing too much right now but eventually I'll need to cut back...alcohol and sugar-clearly linked....compartmentalizing a boat load of guilt and shame and remorse over recent episodes....I guess what hurts the most is I lost my wedding ring during the last blackout....its the symbolism I guess, I don't know....one of these posts I'm going to need to start talking about the fear too....tomorrow day 6, Thanks All.

Rob,

It gets better. Good for you working through it..

Karen

hey rob
 

i have a problem with the link between alcohol and cigs too, not just sugar...i guess cause they all act on the pleasure center of the brain. it's odd how certain people have no tendencies towards addiction while it defines the lives of others? Whoever figures out the answer to this quandry would be one wealthy man/woman! keep up the good work...i think you're doing great. just try to think that tomorrow is another day and the noises and the crankiness will start fading!