Coming Clean
Ending the Old Me.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
Coming Clean
Last week my wife said to me, "I want you to see the Dr. about your depression; consider it your Christmas present to me".
Now, I wouldn't exactly call myself "depressed", I've just been in a bad funk with a lack of motivation for the past few months. Anyways, I knew where I had to start, stop drinking. At this point I'm not sure if my "depression" was the cause of my drinking or my drinking was the cause of my "depression. I tend to think it was the latter.
My drinking had been getting worse for years, no matter how much I tried to control it and I always told myself that when I ran out solutions I would quit. I know, it's not that simple but I've always been one of those people who believed in "failing fast". Can't stand the job - quit and find one you like. Drinking too much, - quit. We'll that's at least how I started the week.
After another weekend of Christmas parties and generally being hammered all weekend, I woke up Monday morning feeling terrible. I spent Monday dealing with the hangover and start of withdrawls. Made it through Tuesday but by Wednesday afternoon I was getting pretty scared about where this was headed.
Lucky for me, I stumbled on this website while researching AA and everything else related to alcohol abuse. I spent most of Tues and all Wed reading through everyones posts on their experiences.
Wednesday evening, I finally just said enough and told my wife everything. How much I had been drinking, lying to her about how much, etc. I told her I didn't know if I could do it, stop drinking with out help. I was at the point where I was about to head to the local pub for a beer just to cope until I could get in to see the Dr. I wasn't having bad WD's, I was just really scared at the moment. I actually opened a beer in our kitchen, smelled it and then dumped it down the drain. Then I dumped all the remaining beer and a bottle of really good scotch. Gave all the expensive wine to neighbors and that was it - no booze left in the house.
By 7 PM I was pretty freaked out about this path I started on; it had been 3 days since my last drink. I hadn't gone 3 days without at least a beer in 15 yrs. Since I didn't want to start drinking again, I did the only thing I could think of and called the regional AA office. I ended up on the phone for almost an hour with a guy named Glenn and after a few tears, I promised him I would make the 8:30 AA meeting a few miles from my house.
So last night, I attended my first AA meeting. I could barely hold myself togther for most of the meeting. It's a scary thing to deal with, admitting to yourself that you need help. Anyway, on the drive home I started feeling a whole lot better.
I didn't attend a meeting today but I'm still sober. I think I'm almost over most the physical WD stuff and for some reason I've been in a good mood all day, I mean really good, almost elated. I'm a little worried about that, being elated - I'm waiting for a crash. Not sure if it's the weight being lifted off, not having to lie and feeling quilty about it or if it's the ray of hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm attending my second AA meeting Friday night. At this point, I'm not sure if AA is the answer for me in the long run but they sure saved my butt last night and got me through today, no way I would be sitting here sober at this point if I hadn't called them yesterday. If that's what it take for me continue to stay sober, then I'm in.
Anyways - thanks to everyone for being so honest and sharing your experiences, it gave me the strength to do what I needed to do.
Now, I wouldn't exactly call myself "depressed", I've just been in a bad funk with a lack of motivation for the past few months. Anyways, I knew where I had to start, stop drinking. At this point I'm not sure if my "depression" was the cause of my drinking or my drinking was the cause of my "depression. I tend to think it was the latter.
My drinking had been getting worse for years, no matter how much I tried to control it and I always told myself that when I ran out solutions I would quit. I know, it's not that simple but I've always been one of those people who believed in "failing fast". Can't stand the job - quit and find one you like. Drinking too much, - quit. We'll that's at least how I started the week.
After another weekend of Christmas parties and generally being hammered all weekend, I woke up Monday morning feeling terrible. I spent Monday dealing with the hangover and start of withdrawls. Made it through Tuesday but by Wednesday afternoon I was getting pretty scared about where this was headed.
Lucky for me, I stumbled on this website while researching AA and everything else related to alcohol abuse. I spent most of Tues and all Wed reading through everyones posts on their experiences.
Wednesday evening, I finally just said enough and told my wife everything. How much I had been drinking, lying to her about how much, etc. I told her I didn't know if I could do it, stop drinking with out help. I was at the point where I was about to head to the local pub for a beer just to cope until I could get in to see the Dr. I wasn't having bad WD's, I was just really scared at the moment. I actually opened a beer in our kitchen, smelled it and then dumped it down the drain. Then I dumped all the remaining beer and a bottle of really good scotch. Gave all the expensive wine to neighbors and that was it - no booze left in the house.
By 7 PM I was pretty freaked out about this path I started on; it had been 3 days since my last drink. I hadn't gone 3 days without at least a beer in 15 yrs. Since I didn't want to start drinking again, I did the only thing I could think of and called the regional AA office. I ended up on the phone for almost an hour with a guy named Glenn and after a few tears, I promised him I would make the 8:30 AA meeting a few miles from my house.
So last night, I attended my first AA meeting. I could barely hold myself togther for most of the meeting. It's a scary thing to deal with, admitting to yourself that you need help. Anyway, on the drive home I started feeling a whole lot better.
I didn't attend a meeting today but I'm still sober. I think I'm almost over most the physical WD stuff and for some reason I've been in a good mood all day, I mean really good, almost elated. I'm a little worried about that, being elated - I'm waiting for a crash. Not sure if it's the weight being lifted off, not having to lie and feeling quilty about it or if it's the ray of hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm attending my second AA meeting Friday night. At this point, I'm not sure if AA is the answer for me in the long run but they sure saved my butt last night and got me through today, no way I would be sitting here sober at this point if I hadn't called them yesterday. If that's what it take for me continue to stay sober, then I'm in.
Anyways - thanks to everyone for being so honest and sharing your experiences, it gave me the strength to do what I needed to do.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Omega Man -
welcome to SR. Congratulations on your decision to quit, and welcome to recovery. I'm glad to see you're reading the stickies. I hope you keep posting!
one thing - just from someone who's been there (and back again)
you wrote- That's what we come to know as 'the pink cloud',. ... hon, if you've been drinking for fifteen years - it's gonna take more than three days to get things right. I agree that the elation could also be the relief of coming clean with your wife and all, but give this time.
This is a whole new way of life. It took time for it to get bad... give it time to get better as well.
again - welcome!
welcome to SR. Congratulations on your decision to quit, and welcome to recovery. I'm glad to see you're reading the stickies. I hope you keep posting!
one thing - just from someone who's been there (and back again)
you wrote-
I think I'm almost over most the physical WD stuff and for some reason I've been in a good mood all day, I mean really good, almost elated.
This is a whole new way of life. It took time for it to get bad... give it time to get better as well.
again - welcome!
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
Welcome Omega Man... 
Congratulations on deciding to stop, you are doing the right thing and also by the sounds of it you are doing very well indeed - just stick at it and keep working on it and try to remember how miserable you felt when/just after you'd been drinking...
I'm only sober 2 months just now, but this is also the longest I've been sober for as long as I can remember and this forum has been a great source of encouragement and support, so keep posting...
Good luck with quitting, and let us know how things are going...
PS - You been to see the doc yet? Might be an idea to get yourself checked out and let him know what's going on etc...
Congratulations on deciding to stop, you are doing the right thing and also by the sounds of it you are doing very well indeed - just stick at it and keep working on it and try to remember how miserable you felt when/just after you'd been drinking...
I'm only sober 2 months just now, but this is also the longest I've been sober for as long as I can remember and this forum has been a great source of encouragement and support, so keep posting...
Good luck with quitting, and let us know how things are going...
PS - You been to see the doc yet? Might be an idea to get yourself checked out and let him know what's going on etc...
Ending the Old Me.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
Thanks guys!
Barb - your right, my great mood is almost 100% related to the lifting of guilt by coming clean with my wife. It's been such a great relief not to have to worry about lying; wondering what she really thought of me, etc.
That being said, I'm still in a great mood. Woke up this morning, clear headed, no hangover. What a good feeling - it's hard to remember the last time I got up and felt good.
I feel good, but I'm really tired, not sleeping very well and had some very weird dreams.
I guess all that is related to my body getting used to "sleep" vs. passing out.
I was having some anxiety this morning but it passed pretty quickly after getting on this sight for support. 2nd AA meeting tonight but you guys are getting me through the day. :ghug3
RK - I have an appt; day after Christmas with Dr. Thanks for asking.
Barb - your right, my great mood is almost 100% related to the lifting of guilt by coming clean with my wife. It's been such a great relief not to have to worry about lying; wondering what she really thought of me, etc.
That being said, I'm still in a great mood. Woke up this morning, clear headed, no hangover. What a good feeling - it's hard to remember the last time I got up and felt good.
I feel good, but I'm really tired, not sleeping very well and had some very weird dreams.
I guess all that is related to my body getting used to "sleep" vs. passing out.
I was having some anxiety this morning but it passed pretty quickly after getting on this sight for support. 2nd AA meeting tonight but you guys are getting me through the day. :ghug3
RK - I have an appt; day after Christmas with Dr. Thanks for asking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
It was such a relief for me too, to finally give up the charade and come clean to myself and my family. It had been exhausting trying to hide my drinking and pretend that everything was 'normal'. I am glad you are taking care of yourself. You may find that your depression lifts as your recovery continues or you might need medication from your dr. I am sure you will continue to make the right decisions for yourself.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I'm attending my second AA meeting Friday night. At this point, I'm not sure if AA is the answer for me in the long run but they sure saved my butt last night and got me through today, no way I would be sitting here sober at this point if I hadn't called them yesterday. If that's what it take for me continue to stay sober, then I'm in.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Congratulations Omega Man,
My path is very similar to yours. I'm on day 5 and will attend my second AA meeting tonight (first was on Monday). I had to come clean to my employer about my drinking issue and, while embarassing, it was like a huge weight was lifted.
I like what Jersey Nonny posted: You'll never know "if AA is the answer" unless you give it an honest try...and, it certainly can't hurt you to make meetings for a few months while you're making up your mind.
I find it tough to ask for help and I really like this "no pressure" advice she gave you.
Best wishes.
My path is very similar to yours. I'm on day 5 and will attend my second AA meeting tonight (first was on Monday). I had to come clean to my employer about my drinking issue and, while embarassing, it was like a huge weight was lifted.
I like what Jersey Nonny posted: You'll never know "if AA is the answer" unless you give it an honest try...and, it certainly can't hurt you to make meetings for a few months while you're making up your mind.
I find it tough to ask for help and I really like this "no pressure" advice she gave you.
Best wishes.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Omega Man...
Glad you are here Welcome!
My long term depression was situational.
Within a few weeks of AA sobriety
it began to lift. VVanished in a few months.
Hope that will be true for you too!
Blessings to you and your family
Glad you are here Welcome!
My long term depression was situational.
Within a few weeks of AA sobriety
it began to lift. VVanished in a few months.
Hope that will be true for you too!
Blessings to you and your family
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Originally Posted by CarolD 
My long term depression was situational.
Within a few weeks of AA sobriety
it began to lift. VVanished in a few months.
Within a few weeks of AA sobriety
it began to lift. VVanished in a few months.
I didn't work the steps like I was supposed to. That was the difference between Carol and Myself.
I finally pulled my head out and did what I was supposed to do with a Sponsor. Sure enough, it works like they said it would. The simple act of sitting in meetings isn't enough.
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