share your childhood
 

Friends,
Today while I'm stuck on addiction island with just one cigarette left and no food and no money (gambled everything today) I've been "peeling the onion" a bit this evening.
From what I understand we have to peel the onion to adress the fundamental issue that's runing our lives.
I've been an addict to one thing or another ever since I can remember, so their must be something in my childhood which is casuing me to be an addict (or is my train of thoughts following the wrong logic here?)
I'd like to think and/or talk about my childhood with yous. But I don't know where to start.
Would anybody like to share their chidhood memories with me to help get me started.

There are many theories on addiction. I wish it were as simple as just my childhood issues but my personal opinion is addiction is a disease of mind, body, and spirit. There are components of the mind involved (life issues such as you speak of). There are bodily components (heredity, genetic, body chemistry, allergies, any combination of those and more). There are spiritual components (for me to have any long term success at staying sober I had to learn to rely on a power outside of myself. Self will alone was something that never was able to give me any long lasting relief).

I do believe that addressing childhood issues can be a very healthy thing. I have worked on a few of my own. I like the concept of sharing childhoods. I believe it will be an interesting thread.

I am not sure I can share about mine right now but maybe I will later. Take care and I am glad to see you posting today.

I agree with Judith. If it's a component, it's but one component...and sure I've met folks here with bad childhoods, but I've met people who had great ones too.

and...it's not something I'm up for sharing :)

D

Aldo..you're getting it.

There's something that you develope through habits
or our perceptions of the world...or maybe hidden pains
fears, guilt ,shame That's why you're the only person that's going
to be able to identify those things best.

It's bascailly doing the forth step.

It also gose handing hand with the quality of our recovery.
Recovery is more about staying stopped.
So by looking with ourselves , we can then begin the healing of
letting of those emotional and mental bagages.
This way i can living in my own skin and not trip out all the time
and maybe have a happy and healtier life.

My childhood was a bit turamatic. I don't really
have a good starting piont of what normal is.
I don't really want to get into the especifics over the net.
But yes..in my journal, i get really especific.
There was a moment in my life that was a truning piont..
something happen..something bad happened.
I thought I would just grew out of them as I got older in age...
It didn't happened for me naturally.lol

maybe in the previouse life..i don't know.

Hi Aldo...I think you have a very interesting idea. I am Catholic, and I have a lay person in our church who is my "spiritual director". He has a degree in psychology, plus extra training on the matters of our faith. I guess you could say he is cross between a priest and a counsellor. Anyway, when I first started meeting with him, he asked me "where do you come from"? Meaning, "tell me about your dad? your mom? what do you remember about your grandparents? " That might be a starting place for you..writing in your journal or finding the right person to share your memories with.

It's amazing what comes up and out in your mind when you start talking and writing about your life.

Good luck, Jomey

I think the upbringing has a lot to do with it. Some studies I've seen point to the amount of nurturing a baby gets as being a predictor as to how well he/she will socially adopt later in life. Most (and I means probably 90% plus) of the people I've known in recovery throughout the years seem to have lacked a warm nurturing environment as a child. This is not to place the blame on the parents...they probably experienced similar coldness at home. The disease is manifold and generational, IMHO.

I think my childhood has a lot to do with my addiction. I know there are other factors, but it's a big one. I vividly remember, at about the age of 4, that I needed to lie in order to survive. So, I did. My father was a good provider, but was never available emotionally. My mother completely selfish and I was only a posession to her, someone to dress up and show off. She had no interest in me, other than that.

When you are not nurtured as a child, it is very difficult to develop good self-esteem. And, without good self-esteem, I was wide open to not caring about myself. When you grow up in a 'crazy' household and survival takes all of your energy, you don't develop emotionally. It didn't concern me that I was poisoning myself. I only wanted to survive.

Some great insight on this thread. Thanks for sharing. I am enjoying reading your posts.

51Anna~That is a mirror of my childhood. I also agree that my childhood is a huge part of my alcoholism (my escape route), my sister the codie in the relationship and still is, she choose a different escape route. Thanks

My childhood?

Nothing dramatic or tramatic.
Very stable ..no money or abuse issues.
Non drinking ...religious ...chilly
:) Middle class ..Midwestern ..Ho Hum.

I consider my alcoholism happened
when on X day ... Y drink caused my
brain and body enzymes to stop processing alcohol correctly.

Cigarettes and alcohol are my only addictions.
:eek:

Interesting thread going on...Thanks!

very interesting thread going here.:ghug
i've always been shy and i *think* my addicitions (drinking, drugs, gambling etc ect) may be a way for me to interact with others.
when i was a baby my mom said she used to mix whisky with my milk to get me to sleep.:wtf2 could that have had anything to do with it?
my parents sperated when i was 11 and my sis was 5. i lived with my dad and my sis went to live with my mom. i've often wondered why i'm an addict and my sis isn't; why i'm always in trouble and she's never been in trouble.

I had a very nurturing childhood, typical Midwestern upper-middle class family. I'm an only child, and I never really got the knack of interacting with kids my own age; I preferred being alone or with adults. So I think that, in college, social ineptitude was a big part of why I started drinking.

I've always had an "addictive personality," as well. In elementary school I would hide packages of cookies/etc in my room and binge on them when Mom wasn't looking. In high school I moved on to skin-picking, which for me is like an addiction, and Diet Coke. I guess alcohol was the natural next step.

aldo... for me... it doesnt really matter how my chilhood in reality was...

its how i percieved it!!!

keep peel'n that onion aldo...

love

rz

Rusty,

Awesome, just awesome. I started writing a reply here, and then really couldn't figure out what to say..so thanks for this!

Karen

And mine... wow. My father worked 14 hour days, and was never home. I became an addict, my sister has no self-exteem and is co-dependant on her worthless boyfriend.

All these patterns, maybe someone should write a book:

How To Stop Your Children Ruining Their Lives,
by Some Alcoholics Who've Been There

lol

I think Zip nailed it tho.

D

oh and NoDrinkingZone good to see another Aussie here :)

I think Dee and Zip nailed it for me.

However, mine was bad (perception or not it had a lot of things most would agree are plain BAD) , not as bad as some peoples, but bad.

I am sure it did contribute to my addictions, I dont mean to sound like Dr Phil or something, but I am not that interested in 'working through it' or anything, I am more interested in NOW.
I used to constantly go over the past in my mind, I dont do that anymore-what a relief! I still begin to do it but now I nip it in the bud before I start to dwell.
The past is the past, I like to leave it there. :)

I spent 20 years going over it in my mind, I got tired of doing that! LOL

... and now for something completely different....

*there's news*

Um... I come from a LONG line of alcoholics and I think that single fact was what kept me away from alcohol ... until I lost hope in life. Lost my faith.
Whatever.

I didn't start drinking like the alcoholic I am until I was 43 years old, hon.


I think that alcoholism ... is a personality long before it's a substance.

I came into recovery at 22..something wasn't right.lol
I'm also ACOA. I remember taking a sip of my dad's drink at
the age of 4-5..I liked that crazy feeling . Alcohol was always
around me my entired life..I thought it was the natural thing
to do as I got older. Everybody was doing it.

My mom dosen't drink thou..I'm not really sure if i got my
crazies more from my mom or my dad.

Just that ..not to get into specifics..I lived in constant
fear. I wasn't allowed to express my emotions...
some people trun it inward..others act out.

I guess...liquaring a baby or child..is that.
Numing out a child. Not a allowing a child to express or process
emotions

I've alway thought i could out run the past...but it bites
me in my ass everytime. While I've worked through a lot
of my baggages. I didn't even belived the concept of the onions
until ..it comes up and bites me in the ass again.

Thou..I'm alot more well than I've been in my life.
I still struggle with a lot of issues. I keep plucking away
at it.

Obviousely..my ex-agf deems that I should leave the past
in the past...if she got drunk yesterday and wreack the damn
house..she would say..that was the past. while i still have
to pay for the damages into the future, future.

how dose that effect me ?...well it's the samething..
Not allowing me to process my emotions and always
picking up damn messes in my life...it's familar to me.

Obviouesly..she rather run ..who the hell wants responsiblities
and repairing crap ? As if my alcoholic father didn't leave me
for dead either. It's nothing new to me.

This is where my childhood comes into play..Where, when
how and why i started picking up all these traits.

I don't know...i have abandentment issues..
From my childhood or my aduilthood ??? Both.
They feel the same any who.

I'm not reacting like i use too...but don't
expect me to not feel anything either.

I'm a an alki or a codi ?...I'm ME
and i refuse to run away from my problems anymore.
I'm not goig to drink over it or seek escapism anymore.