Just checking in ...Day 2 - At Work
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 213
Just checking in ...Day 2 - At Work
Hello All- Started the new meds this morning...I feel a little weird and zoned out/shaky but the doc said thats to be expected for about a week. Getting the usual odd glances fron co-workers but people who are really my friends understand....fighting some paranoia about "them" and what they're "planning" but its low grade...not like jumping of the ER table Saturday night and running screaming into the forest ...literally. I want so badly to go back to AA but I've screwed up there so many times I feel like an idiot...I've alenated and annoyed a lot of people...and honestly I'm scared of what I might have to do ....my willingness...my resolve....I don't know. I'm full of fear and regret and shame.....I screw up so much ....and the lies that go with it all...it so tangled up. I have so much to be grateful for...things that didn't happen....things that did...yet I seem mired in selfishness. I want to be normal...I'll just come out and say it...I want to feel like I'm worth loving ...like its worth it for me to be saved and torecover....not to be a good dad or husband or employee....just because I'm worth something...and I have never..NEVER...felt that just me is a good enough reason for anything...and I'm scared and I'm so tired
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Easy does it, Rob. Give the meds time to work, and be gentle with yourself. You're not a bad person - you're sick. Remember that, and try not to be so hard on yourself. Hang in there - and keep in touch here regularly. We do care and understand.
Fighting the good fight
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 309
What rowan said, good luck and keep at it. I went to work today too, and it's Day 2/3 for me (halfway between hehe). I am still shaky and cramped, and sweaty, and I look awful, but I think the worst of it's over.
I understand exactly how you feel, I have very few friends at the moment.
I understand exactly how you feel, I have very few friends at the moment.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Rob do not let your alcoholism keep you away from the solution.
Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful, it is trying to convince you to not go to AA because of as you put it "screwing up again'!
Look, do not think you are the first person in AA to have gotten drunk time and time again before they finally got it! You are not the first one and you will not be the last. We have a guy with over 3 years sober now in my area that spent 13 years in and out of AA, the majority of the meetings he went to over those 13 years he was drunk!!!
The 2 things you need to know are this:
#1 He kept going back to AA drunk or not because he wanted to get and stay sober!
#2 No one run him off or thought he was a failure or a loser, they knew exactly what he was, he was an alcoholic who was seeking a solution and just like them they held out thier hands to help him all they could.
We in AA are alcholics, we understand what it is like to have alcohol kick our arses!!!! I came into AA with no place else to go after getting out of detox, I had been to AA one time before drunk as a skunk, they welcomed me then and they welcomed me back!
I can tell you right now you are far from being unique, there are very few people who get and stay sober from the first time they walk into AA, you will be welcomed over and over again with open arms! Brother we will love you until you can learn to love your self.
If you have a desire to stop drinking you are welcome in ANY AA meeting anywhere, drunk or sober, we have all been right where you are at today, we know how you feel.
Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful, it is trying to convince you to not go to AA because of as you put it "screwing up again'!
Look, do not think you are the first person in AA to have gotten drunk time and time again before they finally got it! You are not the first one and you will not be the last. We have a guy with over 3 years sober now in my area that spent 13 years in and out of AA, the majority of the meetings he went to over those 13 years he was drunk!!!
The 2 things you need to know are this:
#1 He kept going back to AA drunk or not because he wanted to get and stay sober!
#2 No one run him off or thought he was a failure or a loser, they knew exactly what he was, he was an alcoholic who was seeking a solution and just like them they held out thier hands to help him all they could.
We in AA are alcholics, we understand what it is like to have alcohol kick our arses!!!! I came into AA with no place else to go after getting out of detox, I had been to AA one time before drunk as a skunk, they welcomed me then and they welcomed me back!
I can tell you right now you are far from being unique, there are very few people who get and stay sober from the first time they walk into AA, you will be welcomed over and over again with open arms! Brother we will love you until you can learn to love your self.
If you have a desire to stop drinking you are welcome in ANY AA meeting anywhere, drunk or sober, we have all been right where you are at today, we know how you feel.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: ireland
Posts: 169
robzoloft, dont let your embarassment deter you from getting support, please take onboard tazmans comments
strangely enough, at the open meeting last night the lady sharing had many slips before she found her sobriety
take heart, and take good care of yourself........you will get through this:ghug3
strangely enough, at the open meeting last night the lady sharing had many slips before she found her sobriety
take heart, and take good care of yourself........you will get through this:ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,477
Rob, I know it's really hard at this point, but you need to have some patience. Probably the meds will take awhile to begin to work and your body will take some time to recover too. So, just stay sober today and take it easy.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Rob,
You have recieved some great suggestions here. The only thing I can add is "just don't drink TODAY" you don't have to worry about not drinking tomorrow you only have to not drink today. When you get up each morning remind yourself "I will not drink today" before you know it your life will get better. It did for me.
You have recieved some great suggestions here. The only thing I can add is "just don't drink TODAY" you don't have to worry about not drinking tomorrow you only have to not drink today. When you get up each morning remind yourself "I will not drink today" before you know it your life will get better. It did for me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
Posts: 5
Rob,
You can do it.
I have lots of friends and co-workers, but none of them understand.
However everyone at AA has felt the way you have. You're doing this for you and its hard.
Just keep on going.
You can do it.
I have lots of friends and co-workers, but none of them understand.
However everyone at AA has felt the way you have. You're doing this for you and its hard.
Just keep on going.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I'm coming in on this a few days late - but ... Rob hon...
after what I've read - you OUGHT to be tired!
Running around in the woods with k-9's???
Heck-a-dooty, man - I was only off for three days!
WTF???
What's the word today?
after what I've read - you OUGHT to be tired!
Running around in the woods with k-9's???
Heck-a-dooty, man - I was only off for three days!
WTF???
What's the word today?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Pickering Ontario
Posts: 69
Hi Rob,
I was in and out of AA for 7 years. Told I should be the poster child for "keep coming back" lol. You are not alone in your terror. I have, and I'm sure many others here, have been there before. This is true addiction and disease here, not trying to ride a bike. Be gentle with yourself. Try to keep in mind that this CAN be the LAST time you have to go through this. Let the meds work. Focus on one day at a time. You don't have to drink today, thats it, don't think about it further. I truly wish you peace. It DOES get better if you let it.
I was in and out of AA for 7 years. Told I should be the poster child for "keep coming back" lol. You are not alone in your terror. I have, and I'm sure many others here, have been there before. This is true addiction and disease here, not trying to ride a bike. Be gentle with yourself. Try to keep in mind that this CAN be the LAST time you have to go through this. Let the meds work. Focus on one day at a time. You don't have to drink today, thats it, don't think about it further. I truly wish you peace. It DOES get better if you let it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: the netherlands
Posts: 28
Hey Rob,
I'm a continiusly replapsing myself, just like you do. I guess we're the kind of persons that really have to do it on our own. I just woke up today after a three day black-out of smoking weed, drinking and sleeping. All i can do is dust myself off, and keep on going sober.
a lot of the comments about taking it one day at a time sounds really good to me.
I'm a continiusly replapsing myself, just like you do. I guess we're the kind of persons that really have to do it on our own. I just woke up today after a three day black-out of smoking weed, drinking and sleeping. All i can do is dust myself off, and keep on going sober.
a lot of the comments about taking it one day at a time sounds really good to me.
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