rloomer

I just wanted to hear some inspiration that I know I'll get from the wonderful people here.

I've been feeling really anxious recently. Sadness has overcome me and at night I find that I can't stop crying. I miss my mother so damn bad it hurts. It's only been 2 months and Thanksgiving wasn't that bad I think because I was still in shock from her untimely death. This is going to be my first Christmas without her and I won't be able to hear her beautiful voice telling me Merry Christmas, and how much she loves me, and how proud she is of me. I won't be able to send her a card with the gift certificate to Joann Fabrics. I just feel so alone when I think about her. I cry now as I write this because it's all still so sureal. I still feel like I can call her right up and complain that my relationships never work and my job treas me like crap... ( which isn't true ) I know she would be so proud knowing that I've been sober as long as I have and in a way I know being in jail is a blessing in disguise. Who knows what I would be doing if I felt this way and was able to drink. God I miss her so much. She was always my best friend in the world. I'll never find anyone to replace her or anyone who looked at me the way she did. With so much love and contentment.

For all the bad stuff I did I just want to say I'm sorry to her and hold her one more time and hear her say It;s ok I still love you.


Please someone just remind me that things will be ok......

I really feel desperate for that. Even though I know it. I need to hear it.

nogard

I hear you. Its a year on the 22nd Since my dad died. I miss him still of course, but remember him with a smile on my face these days. He was so proud of me. I can only tell you that it helps me to talk to him, maybe write a letter and don't stay with the morbid thoughts, sure feel the grief but share it and be with people over this holiday period.

I am glad you posted about it. Remember that all things pass and we can stay with the feelings and with life these days.

I am still amazed that I am drug free and that it keeps getting better.

((((((((((((rl)))))))))))

Kevin

gypsytears

Hey Rob . I know how you feel. I've been there hun. It was just the anniversary of my mother's passing on December 12th as a matter of fact. I've been feeling blue lately because of it. Feeling blue also because it's Christmas and it was *the best* holiday when she was here. Maybe the fact that her funeral was on my birthday also has something to do with my sadness too...It's been 11 years and it still hurts sometimes. I miss her a lot.

It hasn't been that long since you lost your mother. Of course you're still crying and that's OK. It does get better, the pain will lessen and the good memories will resurface. You will smile again and laugh when you think of her and things you may have done together.

Cry if you need to Rob... tell her the things you wish you had said. She is still there in your heart and she will hear you .

You are a good person and I am fortunate to have come to know you here.

nandm

I am sorry for your loss. I am at a loss to understand the depth of your pain since I have not lost a parent. I am glad to see nogard replied with his experience. I do hope that helps you. Take care. There is always hope for life to get better as long as we are willing to give ourselves another day.:ghug

Dee74

don't know much about this Rob, but I expect it's like any other kind of grief...let it run its course and it'll get easier.

D

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hey Rob,

Just wanted to send a and to tell you that I'm thinking of ya. I don't know what to say, it's horrible losing a parent. Doesn't matter how old you are at the time, you still feel like a little kid who wants their mommy.

I do believe, that she is with you. Always will be..

I lost my Mom 11 years ago, and it does get easier, but I have to tell ya, I cry for her still sometimes.

Hang in there and let yourself feel..

xo

Karen

CarolD

Prayer helps me immensley in all situations

Hugs and Prayers for your comfort zinging out.
(+) (+) (+)

Rowan

Rob, I'm so sorry for your grief. I haven't lost a parent yet, and I just can't imagine being without my mom or dad. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there and let those tears flow.

Rusty Zipper

loom, just keep remember'n the good, and the good times...

we come, we go, we watch, we cry, we remember...

choices...!!!

good wishes our friend...

hairgirl

I lost my mom five years ago.She had allot of psychological issues, and we didn't get along well, and I had allot of resentment towards her.I did not have the time to mend all the years we lost before she passed on, and I have lived with resentment and anger since then.I just wanted to know she loved me.
Today, I am learning to let it go, knowing she did the best she could.I love her and miss her too.Just wanted to let you know I understand.Peace.

cmc

loomer,
I know how it feels, I lost my dad when I was thirty and my mom six years later.
Each October before I even realize that it's the anniversary of my mom's passing, I start to feel sad. It's a normal part of the grieving process and for me and most people I know, the holidays can be tough.
You will make it through this. Your love for your mom is still alive. You can choose to honor her by living the best life possible. It does get better with time.
Again, I'm not surprised you are feeling this way because I cried so many tears especially over my mom. Sometimes I still do but it gets less intense and less frequent.
It can be hard for others your age to understand. I didn't have any friends who had experienced losing their parents so young. Many that I know my age (the same as your mom) still have both parents.
Please take care of yourself and let yourself grieve and then move on at the pace that is comfortable for you. I'm so glad you are posting about this.
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now.

cmc

barb dwyer

Rob -

My mother passed away when I was 21.
My father passed when I was 9.

I know what you're talking about with this being the first Christmas.
Let it be ... what it is.

and -

Things will get better.

Alive

All i can say is she's alive in you....You carry her spirit in yours.


That's all i know....

hug Rob....

barb dwyer

oops -

didn't mean that to sound flippant or anything - when I say let it be what it is - I mean - maybe this year, putting out all that effort to do decorating, (ya - I've seen yer avatar) go to parties, all that - maybe it's not the thing this year.

If it doesn't feel right to do - then don't do it is more what I mean.

The first year that Mother died, I didn't decorate at all. Sent my kids to their grandmothers, and pretty much stayed home and reflected.

It was the next year I began to make the holiday mine.

THat's more what I meant. Don't let family push you into doing more socially than you think you're capable of.

Impurrfect

((((Rob))))

I knew this was going to be a hard time for you, so have been sending extra prayers. Go ahead and cry...I know I did for quite a while after my mom died. She died a month before her 51st birthday and it was really hard going to the cemetary on her birthday.

Christmas (6 months later) that year was very hard. I went to Christmas Eve candlelight service at the church she worked. There is a stained glass window over the choir loft that is "hers"...people donated the money for it when she died. I cried through almost the entire service, but had to laugh when a few ornaments just fell off the huge Christmas tree up front...the pastor, mom's best friend, and I all feel she was there, playing around.

This year I'm going back to church Christmas eve. It's been 16 years since she died, and I'm sure I will still cry a little. But today, I have so many wonderful memories and I know she's watching over me.

I always talk to my mom and I have no doubt she hears me....I'm sure your mom hears you, too.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

parentrecovers

hugs to you, loomer. i remember the first christmas without my dad - oh my, so many tears. just go ahead and grieve.

and know that it does get easier as more time passes.

Jomey

Prayers out to you, Rob. J

Hevyn

Hi Rob - Barb's right, let the holidays this year be whatever you can handle. Sometimes insisting on sticking with traditions just ends up hurting us. Something that helped me when my father died, I was crying one night and couldn't sleep - when suddenly the thought came to me that my father would never want to be the cause of us crying and being sad. He was a protective person who only wanted his family to be safe, secure & happy. I thought if he was somehow aware (and I believe he was) that we were miserable, it would devastate him. Then I was able to feel calmer, thinking of it that way. Your mom sounds like a lovely lady, & I know you'll see her again. It's just hard getting past the intense pain as all the seasons come and go for the first time without them. Love, Joanie