Bender Avoided
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: somewhere, SD
Posts: 177
Bender Avoided
Hey everyone.
Well, I was pretty nervous last night, I have anxiety issues in general, and
it was badish yesterday, and I ended up going out to the dumpster
and getting the mostly full case of beer that I'd thrown away (it had
been sitting at my place since last wedensday, when I ended a real bugger of a bender, after two months sober), thinkin "I'll have just a couple to take the edge off."
OH ho! It does not work that way my friend.
Nope. As soon as I'd had a couple, I decided I'd better finish off the whole
case, and, of course, get more!
It was going to be a 'send off to my drinking days! one last "good"(hah!) drinking night!"
Pfft. Then it turned into "well I'd better go pass out, after I made
an ass of myself to a few friends, and sleep for a bit until I wake up
and get back to some seriousss drinkin, woo!"
*snorts*
So I wake up, grab a beer, crack it, start thinking of how to go about
getting some more, take a drink of it..then sit there for a while, and start thinking about everything I've learned in outpatient rehab and AA and on these boards. About everything I said and felt after that week long bender that ended with my nose broken a week ago...and who I wanted to be, and how that was different than how I behaved while drinking...and I poured the rest of the beer out, and then all the ones that were left.
And then I cleaned all the empties out of my house. Made sure I had none stashed in my car, no full ones I could grab out of the trash, none hidden at my family's house.
And while I made a bad choice yesterday, by gosh golly darn, I made a GOOD one today.
I talked to both of my counselors, told them what happened, and they said it seems I learned something from last time, and that I was doing the right thing, and that I should come in for group tonight if I can at all (they know my panic disorder gets a lot worse after drinking..I took a xanax after calling my pharmacist, and he said it might knock me out but it's safe to take now) and if I can't, then to make sure to hit AA tomorrow, some kind of goup support leading into the weekend.
I spent months being who I wanted to be, and not proving the people who say I'll always be a 'worthless drunk' right.
The heck with that. I'm going to prove the people who believe in me and offer me help and encouragement right.
Starting again. Today.
Thanks for listening.
Well, I was pretty nervous last night, I have anxiety issues in general, and
it was badish yesterday, and I ended up going out to the dumpster
and getting the mostly full case of beer that I'd thrown away (it had
been sitting at my place since last wedensday, when I ended a real bugger of a bender, after two months sober), thinkin "I'll have just a couple to take the edge off."
OH ho! It does not work that way my friend.
Nope. As soon as I'd had a couple, I decided I'd better finish off the whole
case, and, of course, get more!
It was going to be a 'send off to my drinking days! one last "good"(hah!) drinking night!"
Pfft. Then it turned into "well I'd better go pass out, after I made
an ass of myself to a few friends, and sleep for a bit until I wake up
and get back to some seriousss drinkin, woo!"
*snorts*
So I wake up, grab a beer, crack it, start thinking of how to go about
getting some more, take a drink of it..then sit there for a while, and start thinking about everything I've learned in outpatient rehab and AA and on these boards. About everything I said and felt after that week long bender that ended with my nose broken a week ago...and who I wanted to be, and how that was different than how I behaved while drinking...and I poured the rest of the beer out, and then all the ones that were left.
And then I cleaned all the empties out of my house. Made sure I had none stashed in my car, no full ones I could grab out of the trash, none hidden at my family's house.
And while I made a bad choice yesterday, by gosh golly darn, I made a GOOD one today.
I talked to both of my counselors, told them what happened, and they said it seems I learned something from last time, and that I was doing the right thing, and that I should come in for group tonight if I can at all (they know my panic disorder gets a lot worse after drinking..I took a xanax after calling my pharmacist, and he said it might knock me out but it's safe to take now) and if I can't, then to make sure to hit AA tomorrow, some kind of goup support leading into the weekend.
I spent months being who I wanted to be, and not proving the people who say I'll always be a 'worthless drunk' right.
The heck with that. I'm going to prove the people who believe in me and offer me help and encouragement right.
Starting again. Today.
Thanks for listening.
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
God I know how that feels - thinking just one, or like you say - to see off your drinking days... 
I was very tempted recently as well, it's an overwhelming urge and it can strike at any time...
Great that you came to your senses, and good to hear you are starting again...
I was very tempted recently as well, it's an overwhelming urge and it can strike at any time...
Great that you came to your senses, and good to hear you are starting again...
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
Originally Posted by Anodyne 
It feels weird to not be missing like six or seven days.
I still regret drinking at all, but damned if I'm going down that road again.
How long have you been sober, RK?
I still regret drinking at all, but damned if I'm going down that road again.
How long have you been sober, RK?
Anyway, I stuck to my guns and didn't give in so evil twin was not happy about it - but if I starve him of booze maybe he'll get p*ssed off and go somewhere else...
Really great to see that you're not going down that road again, because it's a one way street and as you know, it only leads to hell...
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