Am i/ aren't i?
"Grateful to be Sober."
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 90
Am i/ aren't i?
Im sorry- i know i've wrote a few threads of this nature. Questioning, having doubts etc. But i just dont know what to think anymore. Im scared because i know deep down im an alchy - but i still have this constant obsession that there's 'still time'. Like i might b able to go out and drink again- and be normal, maybe theres a chance i'm not alcoholic....
Cos im at uni, living iin student halls, i feel so isolated from myflatmates (who all drink drink drink) I also feel like i waited soooo long to get to uni and have a good life and now i'm not even living it cos i cant join in and go out etc. I dunno, as selfish as it is, i do feel kinda cheated. I worked in dead in jobs and messed abut with my life miserably for a few yrs then last yr i worked so hard to get to uni. Now im 20 and im in my first yr and i've never been so deprresed. I just want to drinka nd go out and have fun. I know i will, in time., have the opputunity to do this (bar drink ) but i feel like ive isolated myself so much, focused so much on my sobriey (as i know i should), that i wen i do get to go out again i will just feel too awkward cos i'm never around my uni mates.
I am aware how hard it is for others - i know i havent got it that bad but it doesnt stop me feeling cr*p! I guess in a nutshell what im trying to say is im not always entirely convinced im an alchy - also i just dont know if im willing enough to stay sober for me. I feel now like im in a trap. Just staying sober to keep family happy. But do i really want this? I dunno....right now i dont think so. I want to try again....but then im terified something will happen when i drink. I dont wanna screw up. Soz for this rant guys, im just soo down and confused at the min.
Cos im at uni, living iin student halls, i feel so isolated from myflatmates (who all drink drink drink) I also feel like i waited soooo long to get to uni and have a good life and now i'm not even living it cos i cant join in and go out etc. I dunno, as selfish as it is, i do feel kinda cheated. I worked in dead in jobs and messed abut with my life miserably for a few yrs then last yr i worked so hard to get to uni. Now im 20 and im in my first yr and i've never been so deprresed. I just want to drinka nd go out and have fun. I know i will, in time., have the opputunity to do this (bar drink ) but i feel like ive isolated myself so much, focused so much on my sobriey (as i know i should), that i wen i do get to go out again i will just feel too awkward cos i'm never around my uni mates.
I am aware how hard it is for others - i know i havent got it that bad but it doesnt stop me feeling cr*p! I guess in a nutshell what im trying to say is im not always entirely convinced im an alchy - also i just dont know if im willing enough to stay sober for me. I feel now like im in a trap. Just staying sober to keep family happy. But do i really want this? I dunno....right now i dont think so. I want to try again....but then im terified something will happen when i drink. I dont wanna screw up. Soz for this rant guys, im just soo down and confused at the min.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
oh mandi, you sound like my 20 something daughter. i wish there was something i could say to make it easier. please know that i am sending you support. and thanks for sharing this. it makes me feel "not alone" in my situation with my daughter.
hugs, k
hugs, k
"Grateful to be Sober."
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 90
Thanks k,
I know my mum prob feels the same as u- i realise how hard it must be for parents. I just feel like mb im not though- so y put all my mum/dad/aunt/sponsor etc through this when im not entirely convinced. I dunno....i cant explainmy head just completely muddled- my moods all over the place. I just dont know what to think right now. I wish you and your daughter all the best though.
I know my mum prob feels the same as u- i realise how hard it must be for parents. I just feel like mb im not though- so y put all my mum/dad/aunt/sponsor etc through this when im not entirely convinced. I dunno....i cant explainmy head just completely muddled- my moods all over the place. I just dont know what to think right now. I wish you and your daughter all the best though.
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