From the great Rolling Stones....
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
From the great Rolling Stones....
"You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes. You might find. You get what you need."
That has signifigance with me today.
Just out of nowhere...It hit me.
All the complaining I have been doing and the self pity for relapsing and screwing up many great jobs this year. Now I am stuck cleaning rooms at a Best Western 20 hours a week for $8 an hour. And that is all that is really available right now because of the season.
I felt so low lately because I know my potential. I know what I can do. I know where I should be.
My grams told me last week that I cant always start at the top. And she's right. Karma is coming around. And it's not in a bad way. It is in a way that is humbling me very much. I make enough a week to take care of one bill or ticket and barely leaves me enough for gas and cigs. My truck is falling aprt on the outside. I have no heat and I live in upstate NY. But it runs perfect.
I am taking care of what I have to take care of and I should be damn thankful that I do have an extra 20 or 30 bucks afterwards to still enjoy my cigs and have gas to get to work.
I believe this is Gods way of giving me just what I need to get by. There is no extra for screw ups. And I cant afford to just put off another ticket or bill till next time. It is down to the bottom line now.
I was very depressed and feeling sorry for myself and hating myself for messing up a whole entire year of great opportunities as I always do.
But I look at it now as...Things happen for a reason. And this is what I need to get my recovery on a more stable path and also learn to be more responsible in my decisions.
I may not have what I want. Which isnt much right now. I would like to go out to eat sometime. Even be able to go shopping for a few things I want.
But you know what. After all I have destroyed in ym life. And this past year especially.
I am coming out OK.
And for that I am truely grateful.
That has signifigance with me today.
Just out of nowhere...It hit me.
All the complaining I have been doing and the self pity for relapsing and screwing up many great jobs this year. Now I am stuck cleaning rooms at a Best Western 20 hours a week for $8 an hour. And that is all that is really available right now because of the season.
I felt so low lately because I know my potential. I know what I can do. I know where I should be.
My grams told me last week that I cant always start at the top. And she's right. Karma is coming around. And it's not in a bad way. It is in a way that is humbling me very much. I make enough a week to take care of one bill or ticket and barely leaves me enough for gas and cigs. My truck is falling aprt on the outside. I have no heat and I live in upstate NY. But it runs perfect.
I am taking care of what I have to take care of and I should be damn thankful that I do have an extra 20 or 30 bucks afterwards to still enjoy my cigs and have gas to get to work.
I believe this is Gods way of giving me just what I need to get by. There is no extra for screw ups. And I cant afford to just put off another ticket or bill till next time. It is down to the bottom line now.
I was very depressed and feeling sorry for myself and hating myself for messing up a whole entire year of great opportunities as I always do.
But I look at it now as...Things happen for a reason. And this is what I need to get my recovery on a more stable path and also learn to be more responsible in my decisions.
I may not have what I want. Which isnt much right now. I would like to go out to eat sometime. Even be able to go shopping for a few things I want.
But you know what. After all I have destroyed in ym life. And this past year especially.
I am coming out OK.
And for that I am truely grateful.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Chi, distinguishing what we need and what we want is a big thing.
I think, it's through 'letting go' that we accept what we need, rather than what we want.
This is way to follow your soul's path.
I think, it's through 'letting go' that we accept what we need, rather than what we want.
This is way to follow your soul's path.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
You're doing very well with acceptance Trish!
For the last three years I've been telling God what I want, and for some darn reason he only gives me what I need and usually something much better than what I wanted. Amazing how that works when I take the time to listen to his will for me.
It just keeps getting better and better, but it's on His time and not mine.
For the last three years I've been telling God what I want, and for some darn reason he only gives me what I need and usually something much better than what I wanted. Amazing how that works when I take the time to listen to his will for me.
It just keeps getting better and better, but it's on His time and not mine.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Hard times build character....and trials bring forth gold....
I sure have found this to be true...to have a few hundred a month now is
better than zero a month last year...and no fear of cops or any person or
what I did last night (or anything else for that matter)...
Is worth it all to me.
Hey Chi....
It is all worth it.
All the lying , cheating, stealing and scamming that goes with the drinking and
drugging just isn't a trade off for peace of mind.
It's good to see you again...
Love,
Sherry
I sure have found this to be true...to have a few hundred a month now is
better than zero a month last year...and no fear of cops or any person or
what I did last night (or anything else for that matter)...
Is worth it all to me.
Hey Chi....
It is all worth it.
All the lying , cheating, stealing and scamming that goes with the drinking and
drugging just isn't a trade off for peace of mind.
It's good to see you again...
Love,
Sherry
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chiy))))
I think you're right about only needing enough to get by for a while. This is the first time in my life that I'm actually paying what needs to be paid and there's very little left over. Every week I panic that I won't have enough money, but every week I do so I'm getting better about not panicking.
I can get frustrated but it does no good...I got myself in this situation, and I will get out of it....you will, too. I, too, am grateful for the lessons I'm learning today.
Good to hear from you!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I think you're right about only needing enough to get by for a while. This is the first time in my life that I'm actually paying what needs to be paid and there's very little left over. Every week I panic that I won't have enough money, but every week I do so I'm getting better about not panicking.
I can get frustrated but it does no good...I got myself in this situation, and I will get out of it....you will, too. I, too, am grateful for the lessons I'm learning today.
Good to hear from you!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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