Stormtooth

Unfortunately after 2 years of sobriety I relapsed on the week-end after thanksgiving. I blacked out for two days, and then got sent home by my supervisor for arriving at work drunk.

Then I went through detox.

My eyes are still red after a week of not drinking. I estimate I consumed slighty more than 2 5ths of rum in a 1 day period.

I am just now getting my life back to "normal".

Most people around me have no idea what happened but keep asking pointed questions about why i have been missing and why my eyes are so swollen.

I am feeeling much better now.

A variety of factors led me to this relapse.

1) Recently a friend died of alcohol related related illness--you would think it would have the oppositte effect.

2) I started slipping because i can't handle the noise at night where i live and I talked myself into believeing it was for a "good purpose" if it helped me relax.

3) I neglected my nutrition because i was too busy too eat well

4) I convinced myself I could handle it, when i will never be able to handle it.

When I knew I was starting a relapse, when i heard a voice say to me why must you keep drinking until hell comes out of a bottle? I growled to myself and said, now I'm going to knock it in hard.

I felt such a terrible sense of relief to just give in to this nasty thing, and not to always be afraid of it anymore.

Now i have to really figure out how to work against drinking as an active mindful thing on a daily basis, or i am certain it will happen again.

I am glad to be alive and to be sober again. But I know this time I will have to really work at it.