Introducing myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5
Introducing myself
I want to introduce myself. My name is MJ, I am 38 years old and I have been a problem drinker since I had my first drink.. I started stealing alcohol from my parents at the tender age of 12, mixing whatever I could find and putting it into a mason jar to drink under the bleachers at football games. I had my first major drunken experience the summer before high school and continued to drink until I got drunk every weekend throughout high school. I was known as a party girl at my high school and thought I was just having a good time.
This pattern continued throughout college and into my late 20’s. It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I really wanted to start controlling it and unfortunately discovered that while I could go months without drinking, I couldn’t always stop myself once I started. I am not alcohol dependent but as I said before, I never knew if I would be able to have just one or two glasses of wine at dinner or if I would wake up the next morning with no idea of what transpired after a certain point the night before. Unfortunately waking up from a blackout was happening more and more frequently.
The last time was Monday Nov 19th. I went to a concert the night before with a friend and because it was in an arena downtown we went a couple of hours early for dinner and drinks.. I had many glasses of wine and my memory stops when the concert begins.. My poor friend had to basically carry me out of there 45 minutes later.. I fell several times (have the bump on my head to prove it) and almost got arrested for public drunkenness. He managed to get me safely into his car where I proceeded to throw up all over it, even worse, his car was a month old and I had been drinking red wine all night. I woke up on my couch (in bits of vomit as well) at 4am with no idea of what had happened until I found a note from him. I felt like death the next two days and basically realized, hopefully for the last time, that I cant moderate, I can’t have just one or two with dinner and that I needed to stop completely.
So far I’ve done well, seven days. I made it through the holidays without even wanting a glass of wine despite having house guests who drank a bottle or more in front of me for three nights in a row. It feels different this time but I also know that false feelings of control might make me slip up and decide that I can drink normally again and I know that I can’t and also that I truly don’t want to ever drink again. I am hoping that I can find support and community here to ensure that I never wake up from a drunken blackout again. I don’t want to be that woman anymore. Thanks for listening..
This pattern continued throughout college and into my late 20’s. It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I really wanted to start controlling it and unfortunately discovered that while I could go months without drinking, I couldn’t always stop myself once I started. I am not alcohol dependent but as I said before, I never knew if I would be able to have just one or two glasses of wine at dinner or if I would wake up the next morning with no idea of what transpired after a certain point the night before. Unfortunately waking up from a blackout was happening more and more frequently.
The last time was Monday Nov 19th. I went to a concert the night before with a friend and because it was in an arena downtown we went a couple of hours early for dinner and drinks.. I had many glasses of wine and my memory stops when the concert begins.. My poor friend had to basically carry me out of there 45 minutes later.. I fell several times (have the bump on my head to prove it) and almost got arrested for public drunkenness. He managed to get me safely into his car where I proceeded to throw up all over it, even worse, his car was a month old and I had been drinking red wine all night. I woke up on my couch (in bits of vomit as well) at 4am with no idea of what had happened until I found a note from him. I felt like death the next two days and basically realized, hopefully for the last time, that I cant moderate, I can’t have just one or two with dinner and that I needed to stop completely.
So far I’ve done well, seven days. I made it through the holidays without even wanting a glass of wine despite having house guests who drank a bottle or more in front of me for three nights in a row. It feels different this time but I also know that false feelings of control might make me slip up and decide that I can drink normally again and I know that I can’t and also that I truly don’t want to ever drink again. I am hoping that I can find support and community here to ensure that I never wake up from a drunken blackout again. I don’t want to be that woman anymore. Thanks for listening..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome!
Accepting that you are not able to control your drinking, is a big step towards recovery.
Good for you getting through 7 days! That's great.
Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey and now the hard work starts. We are here to offer support and inspiration.
Accepting that you are not able to control your drinking, is a big step towards recovery.
Good for you getting through 7 days! That's great.
Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey and now the hard work starts. We are here to offer support and inspiration.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Hey MJ, welcome & congrats on your 7 days...
Us Alcoholics can never drink "normally". Total disconnect from alcohol is needed.
Check out AA meetings in your area, you're not alone !
Looking forward to your posts...
Us Alcoholics can never drink "normally". Total disconnect from alcohol is needed.
Check out AA meetings in your area, you're not alone !
Looking forward to your posts...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi MJ,
Welcome to our recovery community - you have found a terrific site full of compassionate and wonderful people. And now we have one more - you!
Do you have a plan to help you with your cravings? Although it may be relatively easy right now, there comes a time for the alcoholic when the memory of our last drink is not sufficient to keep us from picking up again. We tell ourselves that it WILL be different this time.
I needed a lot of help to stay stopped, and to start putting the pieces of my life together. Please continue to reach out here, and know that you are in a safe place with us.
It's good to meet you
Welcome to our recovery community - you have found a terrific site full of compassionate and wonderful people. And now we have one more - you!
Do you have a plan to help you with your cravings? Although it may be relatively easy right now, there comes a time for the alcoholic when the memory of our last drink is not sufficient to keep us from picking up again. We tell ourselves that it WILL be different this time.
I needed a lot of help to stay stopped, and to start putting the pieces of my life together. Please continue to reach out here, and know that you are in a safe place with us.
It's good to meet you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5
Thanks for the support.. Rowan, regarding a plan.. I am posting here and on another board, keeping the note my friend left and have a list of things to do should the desire to drink arise. I already exercise regularly and I will continue to do that.. I feel strong right now and just plan to take it day by day.. I have been here before, meaning I have wanted to stop and managed to do so for months at a time but something feels different this time. For one thing, I am not bothered by the thought of never drinking again. I honestly don't want to drink and I know that might change but right now I think I can do this.. Thanks again to everyone who replied.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome MJ! Awesome job on 7 days! Glad that you found us! Keep up the great work!
Admitting to your problem is half the battle!
Admitting to your problem is half the battle!
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