realization88

I'm Sorry that this is so long, it almost makes me feel like I should write a book lol and now I'm actually thinking about it. I guess this would be it as short as I can make it.

However I really need advice and I think that all of this needs to be read in order to fully understand my situation and for anyone to be of any help to me. It also might help you understand my situation if you have good background knowledge of drug use/experience. I really appreciate anyone taking the time to read all of this, because I really need someone else's input because while I have gotten much of my substance abuse under control I seem to just keep tricking myself with little things again and again. After reading a few other peoples stories it really inspired me to finally do something about this problem and I hope that maybe mine can do the same for someone else as I'm majoring in Psychology because I really love helping people.

I’m 19 and in college, I just came home to visit my family for Thanksgiving. Before I left school I bought my younger brother a bottle of vodka for his birthday and decided to get myself one for the weekend. Well after killing about 95% of a 750ml 70 proof bottle of Skyy Vodka by myself between 12am and 3am last night, and the fact that I woke up this morning having my parents yell at me about talking too loudly with my brother last night and not remembering that or even going to sleep it just hit me this morning that I have a HUGE substance abuse problem that I need to get under total control immediately.

Before I start there are few things I need to clear up because I think they are very important to understand my situation and I think that they make it somewhat unique.

Not that I'm cocky or bragging but I'm very intelligent I have a 135 IQ last time I tested. I know practically everything about recreational drugs, my friends are often impressed and amazed at the fact that I am like a walking talking drug encyclopedia. The reason for this was due to my fear about taking drugs in the first place and wanting to understand as much as I possibly could about what I was doing to my body, and taking every necessary safety precaution to avoid death, addiction and any potential medical problems but even more because so I have always valued my intelligence because most my life I thought it was my only advantage over other people and was afraid to loose it.

I think that my biggest weakness is because of the fact that I have such a vast understanding of substances I severely underestimate their power time and time again.

I also want to say because I have never wanted an addiction the only things I have ever abused on a daily basis for long periods of time were alcohol and marijuana. I have never had a full fledged cigarette addiction however I have smoked them daily for weeks at a time, however I always realize its getting out of control and force myself to stop. Once I did coke like two days in a row, and after crashing and becoming depressed from the worst fake ecstasy you can get (in other words straight methamphetamine in pill form) I took painkillers a few days in a row once or twice to combat the depression which I would like to add was a terrible idea because pain killers are incredibly addictive.

My Story:

I started drinking when I was in 11th grade weekends only and not every weekend. Then in 12th grade I quit drinking for a little while after cheating on my ex, and that was right around the same time I started smoking pot. I started out smoking pot only weekends but it only took till I graduated high school to become a full fledged pothead, still drinking but very occasionally. However its hard for me hate drugs that much because until I began abusing them I firmly believe that with their help over the course of my senior year and summer after I had finally started to become the person I had always wanted to be. I had self confidence, I had the social life I had always wanted to have and was getting the girls I had always wanted to get with. That summer was the best time of my whole life so far. Shortly after graduation from high school I began experimenting with other drugs first magic mushrooms, then cocaine, followed by MDMA (ecstasy).

*Ecstasy(MDMA) is something I feel need to make note of this because I consider it to be very important to my situation as it is what turned my life upside down.*

I happened to get one of the purest and cleanest ecstasy pills around the very first time I tried it. It was pure MDMA and I fell in love with it, it's the only substance I can ever say I truly felt like I loved (except maybe marijuana, it comes close but is nowhere near the same kind of love) and this is because of what it has the power to do. I still to this day after trying virtually everything think that it is the most amazing drug in the whole world. I really believe that it as well as hallucinogenic drugs (magic mushrooms and LSD) could truly change people and the world for the better if used with caution in their pure form and with appropriate dosing. I think that research on them should be funded heavily because there truly is something to be learned from them, that I am sure of.

My downfall however was due to my ecstasy use. Not the drug itself but the friend I made because of it. I had developed a "druggie best friend" who shared my interest in knowledge for drugs. He was and still is the only person I have ever known and talked to about my experiences with drugs that has had even somewhat my level of understanding them. The fact that we both were so interested in drugs lead to us hanging out very often and smoking pot often as well because we loved to talk about them and I guess neither of us was ever able to find that quality in any of our other drug using friends. He was a very genuine and decent person and because of that and our shared interests we eventually became best friends. However eventually this caused a problem. We moved away to college together just after I had first tried harder drugs, and I did not know anyone else as well as I knew him so we began to hangout all the time. In that school year I sporadically used practically every drug: alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, magic mushrooms, cocaine, MDMA(ecstasy), LSD(acid), opium, other less popular drugs, and practically any prescription pill that can be abused.

My new best friend had already been a pothead for years before I started smoking, tried many drugs I had never tried yet, and liked to do them way more often than I did. He eventually convinced me that it was ok to take harder drugs more often than I really thought it was, and I believed him because I assumed he knew what he was talking about because had more drug experience and to top it off he was an A student in high school taking honors classes and AP classes and did fine hardly ever being there or trying and at the time he knew a lot more about drugs than I did. So I figured this guy knew what he was talking about. Taking ecstasy and coke with him made us become even better friends because both of those drugs make you incredibly happy and speed up your thinking process which allows you to open up and talk about things with people you normally could never feel comfortable enough to talk about with anyone. Due to how much we enjoyed our spent time on these drugs together we began taking hard drugs together every 3 or 4 weeks on whatever weekend we could fork up enough extra cash to buy them.

Meanwhile I started to loose my focus on school and started ******* up really bad, but I hardly cared because I was always high. I wanted a job Winter break so to pass a drug test I quit smoking pot for 3 weeks, which was the longest time I stopped since I first started and the first time I realized the toll that smoking pot daily was taking on my brain and my body. After that I vowed to stop smoking pot daily because I loved how much better I felt, but I could not give it up completely because I loved it as well. I began trying to cut back and made several semi-successful attempts throughout the school year at trying to use drugs more responsibly, however each of those attempts was hindered by my friend’s compulsive desire to do harder drugs often and smoke weed every day. He would often say he wanted to cut back as well, and made some minor attempts with me but he would always bounce right back to the way he was before and started to get worse. Eventually he became addicted to benzodiazepines (klonopin and xannax) and was taking them almost every day and lying to me about it. He frequently was unable to remember what and when things had happened in recent weeks. To me he no longer seemed to me like the genuine good friend I thought I knew. I confronted him about this eventually one night we took ecstasy and he told me he realized all this and wanted to stop, so he asked me to hold on to some pills he bought for him in this cheap little safe so he wouldn’t just take them all and I would limit his usage of them. I did this for him and then he proceeded to break into the safe to steal his own pills he asked me to lock up for him when I wasn’t around.

After a combination of that and a very inspirational LSD (acid) trip I had last April I realized what a bad influence he was on me and what a complete and total mess my life had become. He was not the only one who changed that year; I realized that I too changed and I was no longer the person I loved being the summer before. I was doing terrible in school, My parents hated the person I had become, My siblings thought I was druggie, I hardly spoke with people I once considered to be best friends, spending the majority of my money on drugs, I looked like ****, I no longer actively perused having sex with girls or even trying to find a relationship, my personal hygiene was terrible, I got sick all the time because my eating habits were terrible, I stopped working out regularly, I gained weight, I was no longer social, no longer confident, and no longer cared about any of my dreams and aspirations I once had. Worst of all I had very little motivation to change all those things in my life, but knew I had to. The first thing I decided is I could not be friends with that guy anymore if I wanted to get my life together, that he had a serious problem and this cutting back on smoking pot and drug usage was not something we were going to do together. So I decided to do it by myself. The semester eneded I went home for summer break in April got a job, and stopped smoking pot everyday which was easy because I was living at home with my parents.

I still smoked and drank on the weekends for a while at first, and took a few drugs, and then I worked with a girl who managed to convince me while I was drunk one night to try CRACK. YES CRACK. I smoked it one time, took one hit, and felt amazing for about 5 minutes, then I immediately felt the worst I had ever felt in my whole life and there was no more crack left even though I wanted it more than anything at that moment, so I bought a very strong painkiller and took that to negate the negative feelings, and I felt fine again and was thinking very clearly, and immediately decided I would never do that again. I lied to my real best friend who I had been best friends with throughout all of high school about that, I was completely and totally ashamed of myself. I had never felt so low about myself in my whole entire life, however this shame gave me the motivation I needed to stop doing drugs for a while and maybe forever if I thought so at a later date. Since it was possibly the last time ever I wanted to go out with a bang.

I had read a lot about Candy Flipping which is taking LSD(acid) and MDMA(ecstasy) at the same time. Read experiences about it, and thought it sounded amazing and since they were my two favorite drugs I decided a long time ago that one day I would try it. I decided that since I had some leftover LSD(acid) from the school year and access to some quality ecstasy(MDMA) that I would do it and quit taking drugs the day afterwards.

Throughout that day at appropriate times so I would not kill myself by mixing the wrong things I smoked weed, cigarettes, did cocaine, drank alcohol as well as taking the acid with the ecstasy. That was stupid and was never my original intention but those were the drugs everyone around me was doing, and when offered I didn’t decline.

The trip in itself was incredible and is an amazing but completely different story which has little to do with this one so Ill keep this short. The first 10 hours were amazing I felt absolutely perfect and was having the time of my life, but I was experiencing this by myself everyone around me was on other drugs and complaining about not having enough of whatever they were doing. That depressed me and completely ruined the trip. I knew it would be intense but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. As a result I immediately was the most depressed I had ever been in my whole life. I thought had no hope in life I was a total **** up druggie that had no friends, no one I could trust or ask for help and at the time I seriously doubted my family even cared about me. I never felt so alone in my entire life. I decided the only thing for me to do was to drive home despite the long highway distance and my depressed still slightly tripping inebriated state and hope that my family still cared about me. I cried the whole way home. I got home in the early hours of the morning while everyone was still sleeping and went up to my room, talked to a few of my closest friends and my ex girlfriend on the phone and they reassured me everything would be ok, and then I just cried myself to sleep.

I felt better the next day, but I was still depressed but I knew that my life needed to change. After that I stopped smoking weed for 3 months. At the time I Wasn’t doing any illegal drugs but I started getting very very drunk every Friday and Saturday, and was also chain smoking cigarettes when I drank. During the week I worked and was completely sober. It stayed this way the rest of the summer as despite my lack of drug usage I was still depressed at how terribly low I let myself fall.

I went back to college the end of August and at last after over a year I finally started becoming myself again. I stopped getting so drunk all the time, quit smoking cigarettes altogether. I started doing well in school, exercising again, ect. I had finally I got my life back in order. And I was pretty happy. I haven’t done any hard drugs but I started smoking weed again, and have almost every day except since I went back to school except for maybe a week or two but now I have been drinking almost every day as well. I stopped smoking a few days ago and it seems the more I cut back on smoking the more I drink, and I don’t want to switch one addiction for the other. I don’t want to quit drinking or smoking forever, I just want to learn to control it better and be completely sober for a few months because I haven’t been totally sober for longer than maybe a week or two in almost 3 years. Plus I'm starting to take a lot of hard and important classes for my major, and Id like to be more focused. For now I just want to stop everything until New Years Eve but I know even that is going to be a struggle.

Any suggestions or advice are greatly appreciated.

Rusty Zipper

88, first, nice to meet someone so youg takeing a look at a problem..

im not trying to be a wise guy... believe me on this!

88 if your so intelligent, why do you want to get high in the first place?

IMO, thats where your intelect might like to look...

and no rationalizing it!, just a real honest hard look

good wishes 88

rz

Justme57

Hi and welcome to SR!

I cannot adress the drug issue, I have been lucky enough to escape that particular addiction
BUT
I am an alcoholic, and can tell you that alcoholism is a PROGRESSIVE disease and it WILL get worse .
For me, total abstinence was the only answer , because I had no control over alcohol.
I achieved this by attending AA, and with an open mind , and having the willingness to do the suggested things .

If you do not pick up 1 drink for 1 day, you cant get drunk!

I wish you well in your quest for a solution
HUGX
Leigh

realization88

Honestly thats a really good question, but I guess the reason I tried all these substances in the first place was out of curiosity, I wanted to see what everything was all about. The reasons I continued my usage was mostly due to self discovery and wanting to learn more about myself as well as my eagerness to learn more about the different perspective and view point these substances give you of the world and for social reasons too, they seem to cause social boundaries to disappear.

Why I drink a bottle of vodka by myself when I originally only intended to have one drink what I don't get. I rarely drink that much anymore even when I'm with other people, but quiting smoking weed I feel anxious and I suppose I drink to calm the anxiety? Even when I stopped for 3 months I still felt rather anxious sometimes. I'm not totally sure what me sober is anymore which is why I want to take a very long break from everything, but it seems like its going to be so hard.

realization88

I could abstain completely, the fact of the matter is that I don't want to. I want to control it I don't want to let it control me. I feel like I just need to teach myself some discipline. I use to have control, I lost it and I want it back.

stansmith

Hey there, your story and mine aint all that different. I am now nearly 35 but from the age of about 17 - 21 I smoked cannabis daily and did the whole ecstacy, acid, speed thing ever friday and Saturday with the rave/dance culture exploding here in Scotland at the time. I had some tromendous experiences with drugs back then but as time went on my mental health deteriorated greatly,with the come downs and depressions lasting longer and the anxiety and paranoia becoming more extreme.

Life became unbearable and at a time when I was only 21 and in the prime of life I lost all my self confidence and lost out on a lot of things I could have been doing which were more positive. Being a sensitive guy with insecurities which I masked well with a loud personality, the **** I had inside me like fear and low self esteem started taking over.

I knocked the drugs on the head and took myself down the gym midweek to help releive my anxieties which worked to a degree, but at weekends when sociolising was involved I became more nervous and used alcohol to help me relax and deal with chatting to girls etc.

to cut a long story short over an 8 year period alcohol became a big problem for me and I had to eventually get myself clean and sober in AA and deal with the insecurities I was running from in the first place.

nearly 5 years have passed since I used drugs or drank and life is 100 times better and my mental health has improved greatly, I realise now though that I will always walk this journey and grow in time.

Putting drugs and alcohol out of my life is undoubtedly the single best thing I have ever done.

You said you wanted a bit of advice? Well you are still pretty young and must be feeling pretty desperate at times to come on here and ask for advice.

I would advise you to address this issue in your life now and abstain from drugs of all forms even dope which is portrayed as being harmless but most certainly damaged me more than any other drug. You may well be able to drink safely in future but if you are drinking a bottle of vodka in a few hours I very much doubt this as in my experience this will only get worse.

You sound as though you have great potential in life and you are risking your future if you continue to live as you are.

If you find abstanance difficult on your own why not try a support group? AA has helped me greatly.

I hope all goes well for you and you make the changes you need to, to enable you to live a productive happy life.

Sending you peace and love.

Jersey Nonny

My very first impression was, "WHEW!" Sorry, but I must admit, I didn't read the entire post...I'm 76 years of age, and my attention span just isn't what it used to be. Of course, 32 years of abusing alcohol might have something to do with it, too. Besides, I believe your very long thread was more for your own benefit, in that I'm sure it was very cathartic to get it all down in black and white. So, may I say, "Well done", in that regard.

Not to blow my own horn, I've also always had a pretty high IQ. But, that didn't stop me from becoming a raging alcoholic. Everything I know about getting/staying sober, I learned in the rooms of AA. And, when I had six years of sobriety and finally went back to college at the age of 54, it took me 6 years to earn a two-year degree (while working two jobs, taking one or two courses a semester). Again, not to blow my own horn, I graduated with a gpa of 3.93...so, I guess what I'm really trying to say is, "Intelligence has little to do with alcoholism and/or drug abuse." As a matter of fact, there's a saying in AA: "Although no one is too stupid for the program, there are a lot who are too smart for it."

BTW...another thing AA taught me is that once you try to control your drinking/drugging, you're already out of control. If you think you can abstain completely, why not try it for 90 days?

In the meantime, during that 90-day dry period, my earnest suggestion to you would be to get to lots of AA meetings...the education you'll get there will far surpass anything you'd get in college classrooms. And, it's free!!!

realization88

Wow Stan, honestly I can relate to you so much. My personality is the exact same. I'm pretty sensitive have the exact same insecurity's and the exact same weaknesses. I feel like the drug abuse did the exact same thing to my mental health which is what got me to take action. I go to the gym daily to combat anxiety and I drink when I'm out to make talking to girls easier. I'm starting to notice alcohol becoming a problem and thats whats scaring me. I drank a few beers today during thanksgiving with my family even though I told myself as I typed this in the morning that I wouldn't drink after last night because I figured its just a few beers, but now I feel kind of guilty about it.

I really don't want to jeopardize my future just to get drunk and high, but I feel like if I stop for long enough I can come back to it responsibly. Theres a huge part of me that is very very against wanting to stop forever. I'm an Atheist and theres no convincing me otherwise I have heard that AA requires you to accept a religon. If that is the truth then that option will never work for me.

I'm thinking about now and I just realized that the reason I ended up drinking that bottle last night was due a combination of boredom and being slightly depressed about things with this girl not working out, and she is the first girl I have been really interested in since before I started abusing drugs. So I guess I drank so much because of sadness and lonesomeness.

Captain Kirk

Hi my friend! Welcome! The people on here are great and often have allot of good advice to share too.

I've noticed that the vast majority of alcoholics are inteligant people and very sensitive people. I don't know if that's coincidence or what.

You mentioned substituing one addiction for another. That's what happens with me. I'm having a hard time at the moment realizing that anything anything I do is potentially addicitive for me. I'm actually thinking of getting myself locked up somehow, be it detox or jail or whatever - as long as I stay out of trouble.

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice to offer you. But do let us knw how you're getting on.
Good luck!

Justme57

Well I wish you luck with that !
HUGX
Leigh

realization88

Thats fine, I kind of realized it was more for my own benefit after I finished typing it. I know that I can abstain what makes it hard is the college lifestyle and the fact that all my friends will be drinking/drugging in there free time to unwind. And the truth is I really enjoy it on occasion, and I want to be able to on occasion once I get it under control. I am going to abstain until New Years because I will not lie to myself I honestly know that there is no way I'm going to turn down alcohol on New Years its my favorite holiday. However after that I think I will totally abstain for 3 or 4 months at the very least.

I don't think that AA will work for me, and even if it could. I don't have the free time to attend AA meetings I'm too caught up in school, exercising, my social life, and I need to start working. Being able to balance those 4 things is very important to me.

realization88

Now that you mention it I kind of notice that as well when I think of my friends with substance abuse problems. Thanks anyways I wish you the best of luck as well.

Jersey Nonny

Quote:

I'm an Atheist and theres no convincing me otherwise I have heard that AA requires you to accept a religon. If that is the truth then that option will never work for me.

You've been given erroneous information. Why don't you go with an open mind, and make your own decisions...not based on hearsay.

BTW...I'm far from being a prude...but, you're 19, and you gave your "younger brother" a bottle of vodka for his birthday!?! What's up with that? If you're questioning your own ability to handle alcohol, and looking for ways to "control" consumption, do you think your doing him any favors? C'mon, Big Bro...

Quote:

I don't think that AA will work for me, and even if it could. I don't have the free time to attend AA meetings I'm too caught up in school, exercising, my social life, and I need to start working. Being able to balance those 4 things is very important to me.

If your controlled drinking doesn't work, and you decide there are more important things to consider, AA will always be there for you. Just don't dismiss it entirely. Stay safe.

realization88

Hm I figured it might not be, my whole life I have been under the impression that they try to turn all recovering alcoholics and drug addicts into mindless Christian zombies, by telling them they need to find God and accept Jesus ect. but again I'm not surprised to find out thats not true.

I love my brother he turned 17 he has been drinking since he was younger than when I started and I know he will drink regardless of if I contribute to it, and I wanted him to enjoy his birthday. He has very good grades in school and is life seems to be under control. I am no hypocrite and could never condemn my younger siblings use of substances so long as they don't abuse them. I have given them lots of what I think is very good safety advice about drinking, high school parties, ect. They take what I say to heart, because they know where my life has been.

I wont completely dismiss AA if I fail to do it on my own I will try it out, however I want to see if I can do it on my own first, as I easily can not get intoxicated during the school/work week if I have school or work as it is and I really beleive I can set a date stop for as long as I want to.

GrouchoTheCat

OK,

Most of us are extremely intelligent and also very sensitive people.

Just seems to be the way it is.

Get this book:"Beyond Recovery".

Get it ASAP and read it carefully.

It is a well researched tome that focuses mainly on the medical aspect of addiction. Much of it is cutting edge stuff. It will explain why you drink a whole bottle when you don't mean to.

I found it extremely illuminating.

Best to you,

Ted

Change4life

Not to bust your balls, but if you had the vast understanding of drugs that you say you do you would have known they can be dangerous. We never know who is gonna become addicted and who can do them once in awhile (not that I recommend that).


He was not the only one who changed that year; I realized that I too changed and I was no longer the person I loved being the summer before. I was doing terrible in school, My parents hated the person I had become, My siblings thought I was druggie, I hardly spoke with people I once considered to be best friends, spending the majority of my money on drugs, I looked like ****, I no longer actively perused having sex with girls or even trying to find a relationship, my personal hygiene was terrible, I got sick all the time because my eating habits were terrible, I stopped working out regularly, I gained weight, I was no longer social, no longer confident, and no longer cared about any of my dreams and aspirations I once had. Worst of all I had very little motivation to change all those things in my life, but knew I had to.


These are the things that have happened to all of us to some degree or another. That is addiction.

You did the right thing by getting rid of your friend.

The first rule: People, places, things. When I dont follow this religiously i screw myself up.

The trip in itself was incredible and is an amazing but completely different story which has little to do with this one so Ill keep this short. The first 10 hours were amazing

You are still glamorizing the drugs that will kill you

I hate to say it, but you have an addictive personality and it seems to me the weed always seems to bring you back to the harder stuff. I dont know I probably cant give any advice cause im still in a place where I feel like I need something.

The best advice I can give you is for you to try and get this in check now. You are still very young with your whole life ahead of you, but not if your an active addict.
It gets so much harder. SO MUCH!! BELIEVE WHAT I SAY. I could have told your story I was the same way and now life is really a daily struggle. Dont let it get away from you.

I wish you the best of everything



Any suggestions or advice are greatly appreciated.[/QUOTE]

discoveringme

88:
You said...I know that I can abstain what makes it hard is the college lifestyle and the fact that all my friends will be drinking/drugging in there free time to unwind. And the truth is I really enjoy it on occasion, and I want to be able to on occasion once I get it under control. I am going to abstain until New Years because I will not lie to myself I honestly know that there is no way I'm going to turn down alcohol on New Years its my favorite holiday. However after that I think I will totally abstain for 3 or 4 months at the very least.

If you really think about it, there will forever be "reasons' or "holidays" to enjoy alcohol. We ALL enjoyed alcohol to begin with! Your situation is not all that different than mine, but I'm older (44) and all my old friends still drink on weekends, holidays and any other occasion they can think of. I used to party with them, then realized I needed to cut back a little or control it. Then I drank some more...and then I promised I'd cut back or stop alltogether for a while. and then I drank some more...and so on and so on. All of us probably started out exactly where you are right now. Now I'mm 44, sober for 30 days, with many regrets, and many lost years I can never get back.

So, good luck trying to control it, but my thoughts are that you may be in the same shoes as a lot of us are in a decade or two, wondering why you didn't take the high road at your young age when you first realized it may be a problem.

Try the 3 or 4 months trial and see if you can do it. If not..then I think you have an answer already.

realization88

[/QUOTE]

I knew they were dangerous but I thought I was too smart to let my use get out of control. The people who were not in control that I hung around with are what spiraled me out of control because I wanted to fit in with and be more like the wrong people.

I don't know if I cleared this up enough in my first post but before I started using drugs my life was a mess and my insecurities ruled my life. I learned so many things from the drugs. The drugs helped me get a sense of self, and come to terms with my insecurities until I began abusing them and that caused me to spiral backwards in the other direction. It was me that choose to abuse the drugs knowing that I shouldn't but not caring, so I don't blame them I blame myself for making stupid decisions.

I know I have an addictive personality but I also have a vast amount of will power that I'm not sure if everyone has. I guess you could say smoking weed leads me to other drugs, as I rarely do them when I haven't been smoking weed, but I think that may because I am just trying to stay sober from weed so why would I do anything else.

I realize it will get harder if I don't get it under control which is what I'm trying to do. Plenty of people use alcohol and drugs responsibly without abusing them, I know because I use to be one of them. I see no reason why I can't use my will power to be one again.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You've gotten lots of good advice, but I want to add one thing. I think it's safe to say that all of us who are alcoholics, tried desparately to control our drinking. I was so determined to do that, I kept trying and trying. But, I have learned that once you cross the line, you can never go back. It just can't happen. If you are addicted to alcohol, you can't go back to controlling your drinking.

Rusty Zipper

88, thanks fior you answer as to the "Why"

for me, i had the same reply at that age, yep, at 25, at 30, at 35, and would have to say, even at forty... ya get'n to see a patern...

at forty, when i said, ok, i'm done, the Rat of Addictions had other plans for me...

it took me almost to death!

then my Band of Gypsys did a number on me for another 8 years...

i didnt believe in anything when i hit the recovery rooms, today, i have to say, something other then me is helping to write this tonight..

controled, drink, controled drug, controled sex, controled gambling, controled anything just aint in my life today... i'm a addict!

i just take it one grateful day at a time...

recovery in one pocket, life in the other, and no expectations...

all good wishes to a better tomorrow...

rz
...
its progressive, addictions that is!