Need help...please direct me to the right forum...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2
Need help...please direct me to the right forum...
Please direct me to the correct forum...
Here's my story....
Dad was an alcoholic...he died when I was 20....
mom got new bf and so I moved in with my bf....
bf's parents both alcoholics...and they beat up on each other a lot...
got married and kids....made husband move us out of there...live 4 hrs away now....
husband drinks A LOT....I knew he did when we lived with his parents.....but he always stayed away from me...so I didn't see him a lot....
live in new place....husband got really drunk...punched whole in wall....threw things....moved to a new place.....6 months later....husband punches me in the nose.....he doesn't drink for a while....starts drinking a lot again....i start screaming at him for something kind of stupid(my fault)....husband hits me in the head...drags me off the couch started to hit me...walked away....says I won't hit you....but I'm scared grab kids and hide outside...(i live far away from anyone that I know)....i come in later and he says get in here and goes back to sleep....I am 31 and I have been with him since i was 15....one time when I was 18 did he hit me....I wouldn't call myself abused....that time he hit me in the nose was the only real time that he has ever hit me....there was blood everywhere...but if you could see his face....I know that if he was just a little drunker...he would kill me....he has A LOT of rifles....he collects them....they are all registered...etc...but I'm afraid that he may lose control and use one of them....I didn't think he would ever punch me in the nose!! he would NEVER hit me when he wasn't drunk...and like i said he only really hurt me that one time....last night he was able to stop and control himself....but it took a lot for him to stop himself...if he was just a little drunker....i know it's my fault....I shouldn't of started acting crazy and screaming when he is that drunk...I got mad at him for changing his myspace password....I get mad because I am afraid that he will talk to other women...but he doesn't....so I started screaming at him....and that made him mad...I'm just afraid that one day he won't be able to control himself....I have 2 little boys who saw this....a 1 yr old and a 5 yr old...I don't won't them to think it's ok to hit....and my poor little boys had to hide with me last night....I just wasn't sure what he was going to do....I probably over reacted, but if you could see his face....and he hit me on the side of my head....he could have hit me in the nose....that was only the 2nd time....so, he hit me once when I was 18......then about a month ago in the nose....and then last night.....so he's not like an abuser....he just is an alcoholic...he can't control himself....he had to drive him mom to the hospital when he was 12 because his dad hit her in the face with a baseball bat...anyway, I just need support...someone to talk to...I wouldn't feel so alone...thanks!
Here's my story....
Dad was an alcoholic...he died when I was 20....
mom got new bf and so I moved in with my bf....
bf's parents both alcoholics...and they beat up on each other a lot...
got married and kids....made husband move us out of there...live 4 hrs away now....
husband drinks A LOT....I knew he did when we lived with his parents.....but he always stayed away from me...so I didn't see him a lot....
live in new place....husband got really drunk...punched whole in wall....threw things....moved to a new place.....6 months later....husband punches me in the nose.....he doesn't drink for a while....starts drinking a lot again....i start screaming at him for something kind of stupid(my fault)....husband hits me in the head...drags me off the couch started to hit me...walked away....says I won't hit you....but I'm scared grab kids and hide outside...(i live far away from anyone that I know)....i come in later and he says get in here and goes back to sleep....I am 31 and I have been with him since i was 15....one time when I was 18 did he hit me....I wouldn't call myself abused....that time he hit me in the nose was the only real time that he has ever hit me....there was blood everywhere...but if you could see his face....I know that if he was just a little drunker...he would kill me....he has A LOT of rifles....he collects them....they are all registered...etc...but I'm afraid that he may lose control and use one of them....I didn't think he would ever punch me in the nose!! he would NEVER hit me when he wasn't drunk...and like i said he only really hurt me that one time....last night he was able to stop and control himself....but it took a lot for him to stop himself...if he was just a little drunker....i know it's my fault....I shouldn't of started acting crazy and screaming when he is that drunk...I got mad at him for changing his myspace password....I get mad because I am afraid that he will talk to other women...but he doesn't....so I started screaming at him....and that made him mad...I'm just afraid that one day he won't be able to control himself....I have 2 little boys who saw this....a 1 yr old and a 5 yr old...I don't won't them to think it's ok to hit....and my poor little boys had to hide with me last night....I just wasn't sure what he was going to do....I probably over reacted, but if you could see his face....and he hit me on the side of my head....he could have hit me in the nose....that was only the 2nd time....so, he hit me once when I was 18......then about a month ago in the nose....and then last night.....so he's not like an abuser....he just is an alcoholic...he can't control himself....he had to drive him mom to the hospital when he was 12 because his dad hit her in the face with a baseball bat...anyway, I just need support...someone to talk to...I wouldn't feel so alone...thanks!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Originally Posted by cbressler1976 
.....so he's not like an abuser....he just is an alcoholic...he can't control himself!
If he hits you, he is an abuser...Abuse is NEVER ok...
Please, take your children and remove yourself from this dangerous situation...You don't have to live this way, and you children shouldn't be subjected to this enviorment...
JUST BECAUSE HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC, DOESN'T MAKE ABUSE OK....
Thinking of you...
:comfort
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 9
Hi Honey,
I am afraid for you & your children.
Being hit is abuse.
I know you love him, you would have left after the first hit otherwise.
I believe in doing everything in your power to protect yourself & your children - that is your duty to yourself & your children.
This man sounds like he is doing this because he can - he suffers NO consequences.
Personally I would get myself to a police barracks & make a statement.
You do NOT want to become another DEAD statistic. Nor do you want to have your children murdered one day.
I know you would like to believe that he would never do that.
That is up to him to prove - so far he hasn't.
He is not taking your life seriously! He does not through his actions Value you or yur children.
Stop the cycle.
Pick up the phone & ring a women's shelter, police even your religious leader, get real physical support.
BTW delete all your cookies from history.
You do need intervention.
If he ever threatens you again, or not even hits, but behaves menacingly that you feel scared, get the police immediately.
Do NOT warn him. Do not tell him of your intentions.
Simply know that hitting is wrong, controlling & bullying behaviour.
You did nothing wrong, you do not deserve to be hit or hurt by anyone.
You do deserve to be loved, cherished & respected for the wonderful person you are.
Take care of you & your little ones.
Make that phone call.
Best wishes
Dora
I am afraid for you & your children.
Being hit is abuse.
I know you love him, you would have left after the first hit otherwise.
I believe in doing everything in your power to protect yourself & your children - that is your duty to yourself & your children.
This man sounds like he is doing this because he can - he suffers NO consequences.
Personally I would get myself to a police barracks & make a statement.
You do NOT want to become another DEAD statistic. Nor do you want to have your children murdered one day.
I know you would like to believe that he would never do that.
That is up to him to prove - so far he hasn't.
He is not taking your life seriously! He does not through his actions Value you or yur children.
Stop the cycle.
Pick up the phone & ring a women's shelter, police even your religious leader, get real physical support.
BTW delete all your cookies from history.
You do need intervention.
If he ever threatens you again, or not even hits, but behaves menacingly that you feel scared, get the police immediately.
Do NOT warn him. Do not tell him of your intentions.
Simply know that hitting is wrong, controlling & bullying behaviour.
You did nothing wrong, you do not deserve to be hit or hurt by anyone.
You do deserve to be loved, cherished & respected for the wonderful person you are.
Take care of you & your little ones.
Make that phone call.
Best wishes
Dora
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
When I'm not sober and in a relationship, I get mean. Yeah, I'm drunk, but it's still abuse. Two guys have left me for it, and I'm glad they did. No one deserves to be treated like that.
Please, get yourself and your boys out of there. For your boys, if nothing else. Do you want one of them to be the kid who has to drive his abused mother to the hospital?
Please, get yourself and your boys out of there. For your boys, if nothing else. Do you want one of them to be the kid who has to drive his abused mother to the hospital?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2
well,
he denies it was the beer....he says that there is no excuse for what he did....but he said he wasn't going to really hurt me....I know what the problem is...it's the alcohol....he just doesn't want to give it up....this is the absolute last time....one more time he yells or hits....I will call the police....you see, my children and I would have no where to go....I'm a stay at home mom....and my mother has a bf and doesn't want me at her house...and she lives 4 hrs away...
I told him that too....
Thanks for your support...
he denies it was the beer....he says that there is no excuse for what he did....but he said he wasn't going to really hurt me....I know what the problem is...it's the alcohol....he just doesn't want to give it up....this is the absolute last time....one more time he yells or hits....I will call the police....you see, my children and I would have no where to go....I'm a stay at home mom....and my mother has a bf and doesn't want me at her house...and she lives 4 hrs away...
I told him that too....
Thanks for your support...
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
he says that there is no excuse for what he did
There's not. Full stop.
Have you talked to your mother about what's going on? I bet she'd give you a place to stay until you could find somewhere better, if she knew what you're going through.
There's not. Full stop.
Have you talked to your mother about what's going on? I bet she'd give you a place to stay until you could find somewhere better, if she knew what you're going through.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 9
"well, he denies it was the beer...."
True & True, it was NOT the beer that made him hit you, it was HIS CHOICE, HIS DECISION, HIS ACTION, HIS BELIEF THAT HE CAN DO THAT TO YOU!
So yes he is telling the truth.
& He Knows it IS wrong "he says that there is no excuse for what he did...."
He has to ask himself what with in him gives him permission to torture you or any living person?????
Excuse I know that you are beaten down emotionally too, I want you to believe in YOURSELF as a VALID & VALUABLE PERSON BECAUSE YOU ARE
"but he said he wasn't going to really hurt me...." threatening & frightening behaviour is not acceptable, any blow or strike against you the person is NOT acceptable, it is not judged by HIS BELIEF it is judged by YOUR REALITY. .... which is HE HIT YOU, HE HIT YOU, HE HIT YOU with INTENTION!!!!
"I know what the problem is...it's the alcohol....he just doesn't want to give it up...."
That is a contributary factor, his anxieties, his needs, his wants... it still does NOT allow anyone to be physically violated!
"this is the absolute last time....one more time he yells or hits....I will call the police...." promise yourself that, consider what would you do for a daughter in the same position you are in right now, you would not tolerate it for her, NOW is your time to live & live well, set some very clear boundaries for yourself, do not engage in arguments, do not rise to his bait, leave the room, REMAIN CALM ALWAYS, this is within your control, you can control how you act & behave, what you say & do. Walk away the second you feel fear.
"you see, my children and I would have no where to go....I'm a stay at home mom....and my mother has a bf and doesn't want me at her house...and she lives 4 hrs away... " I know it's hard to believe but you are equally entitled to YOUR FAMILY HOME. IT IS YOURS TOO. YOU are HIS WIFE.
The only reason to leave your family home is because YOUR LIFE & YOUR CHILDREN's are IN DANGER.
Perhaps you can get him BARRED from entering.
My gut instinct is to simply disappear into a sheltered housing unit, without warning, to go completely dark & stay out of contact with him, only through a mediator or in a facility that ensures you are 100% safe to express everything without being in danger of violence.
You are in the driving seat, God is your co-pilot, have faith.
Dora
True & True, it was NOT the beer that made him hit you, it was HIS CHOICE, HIS DECISION, HIS ACTION, HIS BELIEF THAT HE CAN DO THAT TO YOU!
So yes he is telling the truth.
& He Knows it IS wrong "he says that there is no excuse for what he did...."
He has to ask himself what with in him gives him permission to torture you or any living person?????
Excuse I know that you are beaten down emotionally too, I want you to believe in YOURSELF as a VALID & VALUABLE PERSON BECAUSE YOU ARE
"but he said he wasn't going to really hurt me...." threatening & frightening behaviour is not acceptable, any blow or strike against you the person is NOT acceptable, it is not judged by HIS BELIEF it is judged by YOUR REALITY. .... which is HE HIT YOU, HE HIT YOU, HE HIT YOU with INTENTION!!!!
"I know what the problem is...it's the alcohol....he just doesn't want to give it up...."
That is a contributary factor, his anxieties, his needs, his wants... it still does NOT allow anyone to be physically violated!
"this is the absolute last time....one more time he yells or hits....I will call the police...." promise yourself that, consider what would you do for a daughter in the same position you are in right now, you would not tolerate it for her, NOW is your time to live & live well, set some very clear boundaries for yourself, do not engage in arguments, do not rise to his bait, leave the room, REMAIN CALM ALWAYS, this is within your control, you can control how you act & behave, what you say & do. Walk away the second you feel fear.
"you see, my children and I would have no where to go....I'm a stay at home mom....and my mother has a bf and doesn't want me at her house...and she lives 4 hrs away... " I know it's hard to believe but you are equally entitled to YOUR FAMILY HOME. IT IS YOURS TOO. YOU are HIS WIFE.
The only reason to leave your family home is because YOUR LIFE & YOUR CHILDREN's are IN DANGER.
Perhaps you can get him BARRED from entering.
My gut instinct is to simply disappear into a sheltered housing unit, without warning, to go completely dark & stay out of contact with him, only through a mediator or in a facility that ensures you are 100% safe to express everything without being in danger of violence.
You are in the driving seat, God is your co-pilot, have faith.
Dora
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: On a Beach Some Where
Posts: 103
Wow!
Hello there, And let me say I am so sorry.
I am a man and this scares the hell out of me! First of all, No matter what you are telling yourself. "NO ONE DESERVES TO BE HIT OR YELLED AT"!
If violence erupts again you must contact the police. Press charges! Don't let him beg, cry, talk you out of it. Press charges. File a "TRO" (Temporary Restraining Order), Many states and counties have the forms online. A judge will hear it that day or the next. You will have to give him notice of the hearing time. Most of the time in this situation the judge grants it immediately. Then sets a hearing date for your husband to give his side of the story. This will give you full physical and legal custody of the children until the hearing. He will not be allowed in the house. You also can file with the TRO a fee waiver so no money is needed. He will not be allowed to have guns while the restraining order is in affect. He needs a wake up call. You and your boys will be able to stay in the house.
Your boys do not need to see this, If anything they will grow up thinking it is O.K. to treat women like this. This is not your fault! Get help!
I have never been in this situation but have had great dealings in court over my own custody battle. I have done all of it with out a lawyer. I have gone from every other weekend to 50/50 custody over the past three years. I am not a lawyer. If you have any questions PM me and I will help all I can.
Things can be worked out in time through court mediation. Right now your husband needs a wake up call.
I wish you and your family the best of luck!
I am a man and this scares the hell out of me! First of all, No matter what you are telling yourself. "NO ONE DESERVES TO BE HIT OR YELLED AT"!
If violence erupts again you must contact the police. Press charges! Don't let him beg, cry, talk you out of it. Press charges. File a "TRO" (Temporary Restraining Order), Many states and counties have the forms online. A judge will hear it that day or the next. You will have to give him notice of the hearing time. Most of the time in this situation the judge grants it immediately. Then sets a hearing date for your husband to give his side of the story. This will give you full physical and legal custody of the children until the hearing. He will not be allowed in the house. You also can file with the TRO a fee waiver so no money is needed. He will not be allowed to have guns while the restraining order is in affect. He needs a wake up call. You and your boys will be able to stay in the house.
Your boys do not need to see this, If anything they will grow up thinking it is O.K. to treat women like this. This is not your fault! Get help!
I have never been in this situation but have had great dealings in court over my own custody battle. I have done all of it with out a lawyer. I have gone from every other weekend to 50/50 custody over the past three years. I am not a lawyer. If you have any questions PM me and I will help all I can.
Things can be worked out in time through court mediation. Right now your husband needs a wake up call.
I wish you and your family the best of luck!
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I see you wrote.."If you could just see his face." a few times.But did not say what it looked like.
What about what you and your sons faces look like when this is happening?
Been there done that. Not personally but I watched my father beat my stepmother to an inch of her life so many times when he was just being an alcoholic. Also my father just being an abusive alcoholic caused for me not knowing who my real mother is. See ...she left him when I was 3 then disappeared when I was 5 years old. Missing!
My dad did not have anything to do with it. But she was so tired of the abuse she gave me to my grams and left.
She too had nowhere to go.
She was a korean immigrant.
Whats gonna happen when your husband starts hitting your kids too?
It bound to happen.
Nobody thought my father would hit me either.
He didnt like pea soup my stepmother made one day so he started beating her and I was about 5 or 6 and I was crying and screaming for him to stop and he grabbed me by my throat and threw me against the wall.
Luckily I spent most of my life with my grams.
Wake up!!!
He's never going to stop. Because after that first time that you let it slide. He is going to think it is OK no matter what you say.
That you will stay if he begs and pleads and promises.
You need to get you and your kids out of there and somewhere safe. If you have to go to a womens shelter. So what. It's better than lying in a hospital or in your grave.
I wish you luck and hope you are doing OK.
What about what you and your sons faces look like when this is happening?
Been there done that. Not personally but I watched my father beat my stepmother to an inch of her life so many times when he was just being an alcoholic. Also my father just being an abusive alcoholic caused for me not knowing who my real mother is. See ...she left him when I was 3 then disappeared when I was 5 years old. Missing!
My dad did not have anything to do with it. But she was so tired of the abuse she gave me to my grams and left.
She too had nowhere to go.
She was a korean immigrant.
Whats gonna happen when your husband starts hitting your kids too?
It bound to happen.
Nobody thought my father would hit me either.
He didnt like pea soup my stepmother made one day so he started beating her and I was about 5 or 6 and I was crying and screaming for him to stop and he grabbed me by my throat and threw me against the wall.
Luckily I spent most of my life with my grams.
Wake up!!!
He's never going to stop. Because after that first time that you let it slide. He is going to think it is OK no matter what you say.
That you will stay if he begs and pleads and promises.
You need to get you and your kids out of there and somewhere safe. If you have to go to a womens shelter. So what. It's better than lying in a hospital or in your grave.
I wish you luck and hope you are doing OK.
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