Referred by a friend...
 

I was referred to this site by a friend... yay, another site to run my mouth!!

I started drinking when I was 15. Quit when I was 23. Went to AA for awhile.

Started drinking again when I was 30. Got really bad there for some time, then I reigned it in and did pretty well.

I have come to the conclusion that I can moderate for only a short time, then it starts getting worse again. Back and forth, back and forth. I can't do it for the long term.

I'm done. Finished.

Friday night was pretty rough. Last night wasn't too bad. I know what my triggers are and I think I can avoid them. LOTS of iced tea helps...

I have the feeling that if I don't stop, right now, and stay sober, the bottom is gonna fall out from under me, mentally, physically, ecumenically. That's one hell of a motivation.

Thanks for listening, I'll be hanging around for awhile...:nana:

I can totally relate to where you are!!! Hang in there you've made the right call

Hi and Welcome!

I'm glad you are taking care of yourself.

Hi King ,
Welcome to SR

Instead of "white knuckling" it, why not get back to AA and have some support, and friendship from people who have been there ?

You dont need to do this alone

HUGX
Leigh

Welcome to SR king!

From my experience and Im pretty sure others behind me will agree. Moderation doesnt work. You said yourself that it keeps getting worse when you go back.

You should consider the fact that addiction is a progressive disease whether it be drugs or alcohol.

People think if they stop for awhile and then start using again it will take time before they get back to the old habits.. the fact is that when you go back you are not only right where you left off, but usually drinking or drugging more.

I tried moderation for years and all it did was prolong my suffering. Give abstinence a try.

I wish you the best of everything, and keep posting. you will see that that their are alot of us going through the same thing.

Great support and advice can be found here.

Not to mention good caring friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad you found us! (we are NOT a glum lot!)

I got sober when I was 27, and stayed so for 5 years or so.

The last 15 have been terrible up until recently.

Now I am on the right path. There is lots of room and I hope to see you walking along with us.

Take Care,

Ted

Welcome,

I hope that you stay. I couldn't moderate either.

It is so hard to stay at the "moderation level" I have tried many times and know now that I will always fail. Because the temptation to get a little more messed up will always be there. And soon enough your in it and in it deep.

Way to go on taking such a huge step. You can do it. and when you feel like having a drink come here or like someone else said go to AA. It really is a great place, it gives you the support that at times you can't give yourself.

Don't give up - the world is a much better place after addiction - maybe not right away - but little by little the good things that you forgot about come back - and that my friend is the most awesome thing in the world.

Welcome to SR kingnothing
:)
Do you have a plan ?

HI kingnothing, welcome back to recovery! Hope you get it for good this time :) I can really identify with what you said about being able to moderate then going way out of hand again- i was the same or i wouldnt even have a chance of moderation in the first place, it was always the same. Glad you've seen sense once again! :)

Welcome to SR it's a great place for help with your recovery and for friendship and support. I wish you well.

Thanks for all the welcomes, folks.

The holiday was not good to me. I was doing fine until Wednesday afternoon; I just couldn't fight it anymore... It cut through my resolve like I had none at all. Back to square one. I experienced an unavoidable trigger. But, I did learn something.

The first time I quit, I did go to AA, for about 6 weeks. I hated every minute of it, though I did learn quite a bit. (No offense to anyone, it just wasn't for me)

I thought I could just "willpower" my way through it like I did last time.

I don't think that approach is going to work, this time.

One other thing. When I quit the first time, I didn't really WANT to quit, but I did. This time, I really, really want it, but it seems MUCH harder...

Thanks for the support, folks. I'll beat it.

Hello there, kingnothing.

It sounds like you are at a really good place to quit without some fo the deep, deep holes that many of us dug before we made a comittment to quit. So consider yourself blessed.

My advice may seem sooooooo corny, but here's something I did that helped:

I stood in front of a mirror for about 30 minutes, saying "I don't drink." I was telling myself, over and over. It wasn't hopeful or desperate, like "I have a problem," or "I need to stop." I said it in many different ways, sometimes with a smile, sometimes with a frown, sometimes with anger.

"I don't drink."

Oh, so that's what the "Thanks" button does... DUH!

I'll be offline here until Friday, please send me some strength...

I've got a good feeling about the rest of this week right now. Tuesday or Wednesday my resolve will be tested once again.

I feel like an ant in the face of a hurricane when it comes to alcohol...when it really digs in and I feel like biting the heads off of nails...

Hang in there all, fair winds and following seas...

Thinking of you and sending you strength. You can do this.

Good to see you back!

When you're faced with a difficult situation, keep reminding yourself that it is a "test," not an inevitability. If you pass the test, every day, then you are a sober person. Sometimes it may not seem that simple, but it is.

Thats it, right there... Step one.. :)

Welcome to SR.

Keep coming back...

(i think thats step 2... )

Get involved....

(sounds like step 3, to me... )

Glad you're here, let me know if i can help you..

(4 and 5)

more will be revealed. :)

Good for you! I'm in the boat with you. I actually like drinking - it's the getting drunk, turning into an idiot and then puking that I don't like. I wish I could do moderation. But I know that I can't. I can't beat myself up for every little thing I do wrong. Especially because I'm so vulnerable right now. Instead I celebrate my little successes, such as, "yay, I brushed my teeth! or I did the dishes, or I ate a meal!" I mean alcoholism is such a huge mountain, that I think by taking control of the little things in life will eventually amount to the big one. We just have to get to that place to finally say goodbye to it, like a bad relationship. Like, "I needed you at the time because I couldn't cope, but now I don't need you anymore." Grieve it and try to move forward. Hmm, this is very poetic don't you think? Damn I should take my own advice.