Diver Down

Hi All.

Its taken me a hell of a lot of time lurking in the shadows of this site to pluck up the courage to finally post something.

I've known i'm an alcoholic for years, i go through periods of trying to moderate it but it ALWAYS end up with me going out for some event and getting so smashed i can't remember how i got home or what i did.

I used to have a huge problem with cocaine as well. I've managed to pretty much stop that, but i feel that i've just replaced the coke with even more booze.

I run my own successful business (i really have no idea how!) but the final straw that made me realise was when i yet again i got so drunk i had to cancel working the next day. It happens all the time, that or i just feel so awful all day i'm counting the minutes until i can reasonably go home (plus when i get home i can drink!!!)

this is the first time i've ever admitted it to anyone (i'm sure lots of people already know though!).

Here's to my first day of not drinking....

Ali

Here's to sobriety, Diver Down...glad you are here.

Diver Down

I must admit i'm pretty chuffed to have finally posted something on here. I've been meaning to for months but kept thinking i could just moderate my drinking. Why couldn't i just be like "normal" people and be able to drink without wanting to get destroyed.

Or be out drinking trying to work out how much i could reasonably drink without it looking bad.... it really is rubbish when you think about it

Good luck to you mate

ccirider

Welcome Diver Down:

The longest journey begins with the first step.

Diver Down

Thank you, i can't believe how long i've waited to take this first step....

Captain Kirk

Hi!
Welcome aboard and congratulations on your first Day!
The people on here are really great and often have allot of helpful advice to share too.
Let us know how you're getting on.
Good luck!

dave47

Welcome Diver Down to SR,sure you will be at home here,best wishes.

Rowan

Welcome to our recovery community, DD

I'm glad you plucked up your courage to join us. It was freeing for me to finally admit my alcoholism and to willingly seek help.

I look forward to more of your posts.

kelsh

Welcome Diver Down,

This is a good place to start. It sounds like you have been reading posts on this site so you know the kind of help everyone gets here. I, too, knew I was an alcoholic for many years and tried quitting on my own and would last a year or so and start again.

The last time I started drinking ended fourteen years later when I was finally to a bottom that I couldn't accept anymore.

Keep comig back...keep on posting...&...check out AA Meetings in your area. :comfort That is if you are thinking about trying AA as a program of recovery.





kelsh

Aysha

Glad you are here.
Snapping back to reality is really tough.
Dont worry too much about being like "normal" people.
I dont think anyone is really normal. What ever normal is.
You have found a great place here.

kma

HI Diver Down,
Congratulations on deciding to stop...I can totally relate to where you are today. My journey to sobriety is just begining as well. I didn't drink yesterday...and so far, so good today....
I ask myself all the time why I can't drink like "normal" people, finally I have just had to accept the fact that I can't...it's just that simple. Some can moderate (I've tried that too, never works for me), I always wanted to be like them.
Hang in there!!

Jomey

Hi and welcome to SR - You have taken a major, wonderful first step to a wonderful new life...Congratulations and good luck...keep posting!

Diver Down

Thank you so much for all the positive comments, they really help. Its nice to know there are people who've been through this and got to the other side!

I must admit i'm worried about being around people drinking, i've got a couple of social events coming up this week. In the past when i've tried to stop or moderate this would be when i'd start with the whole "why can't i be normal and drink...maybe if i just have a couple etc"

I can't do that this time, this has to be the time i sort myself out. I'm sick to death of ruining my life.

Thanks again, it really does help

tanyapmc

Diver......Welcome to SR. I am glad your here and ready to change your life. Have you thought of going to AA? It is working for me. Please keep posting and let us know how your doing?

kingnothing

I can relate to that. I am dreading happy hour invitations. I went through the "I don't drink THAT much, a few won't hurt" Friday night. Along with a bunch of other mental gyrations to convince myself I could go out and drink, and it would be alright "this time".

I recognize it now for what it is, BSing myself.

Hang in there, diver down.

GrouchoTheCat

If you have been drinking at a certain level, you may experience some withdrawal symptoms.

This can be very difficult to go through without help or support of some kind.

Please do not be afraid to seek help if you need to.

Glad you are here,

Ted

Kellye C

Hi DD and welcome! I could relate to your post. It took the last year of my drinking trying to moderate my drinking, find a way of being normal or finding a way to control the thing that had taken total control of my life. Although the intentions were good, once I put the first drink in me the addiction would take over and I'd end up passed out or blacked out. I even started having major organ failure and still couldn't stop.

It took me getting to the point where I had to admit that nothing I did was working and alcohol had taken over my life and was in fact taking my life. I was no longer "normal" and I could no longer pretend. I had to reach out for help, which I had resisted previously because I thought that was saying I was weak. Truth was, reaching out and accepting help was the most courageous thing I've ever done.

It's been almost 3.5 years since my last drink and while that is not long compared to some on here, it is a true miracle for me. My liver and kidneys are now normal, no permanent damage done thank God. I can now go in any social situation and not worry about what others are drinking and what I'm not drinking.

I didn't think I would be able to stop. I had become so physically addicted to alcohol that I couldn't go more than a few hours without the withdrawals setting in. Made it very difficult to hold a job and it is only a miracle that I didn't get fired. My absenteeism was terrible at the end. When I was at work I shook uncontrollably and had massive headaches. If I took the edge off at work then I would be slurring. I was truly in hell and could not find my way out without help. I found the help with the fellowship of AA. I needed the experience, strength and hope of others who had been where I was to give me faith that I could quit. I didn't think I could but hearing others stories convinced me that if they could do it then maybe, just maybe I could too.

Withdrawals were total hell, I'm not going to lie. What got me through was telling myself over and over again that if I could just get through them I didn't ever have to go through them again unless I chose to. So far I haven't chosen to!

Anyway, welcome again and hopefully you will find you are far from alone here at SR. We have all traveled different paths and are at different places in our recovery journeys but we all had to start somewhere, just like you have.

Take care,
Kellye

calfritch

hey diverdown - i am glad you were able to post something. i totally know what you are going through. i am 7 weeks into my sobriety and still dread what will happen when i go hang out ith people who are drinking. most of this time i have managed to avoid it and kind of isolated myslef because of that but i know i have to get back out there and just be as strong as i can. i wish you the best of luck. there is a lot of support and great advice here so please keep posting and let us know how you are doing

Dragonfly821

Done it so many times. My evil was pills but I have had my bout with the booze too.

Just one or two tonight, it will make it so much easier and I can handle it.

No you can't. I can't.

It took me weeks of reading on here before I would post either. But it helps. So so much. Keep reading, keep posting, keep on telling yourself you can. You kicked cocaine? That is huge. You can do this too.

Love and light!

Diver Down

I can't believe i've woken up on a Monday morning and feel ok. Not hungover. I would normally have drunk very heavily on Sundays. I mean its the weekend... its ok isn't it? ;-)

1 Day down, a load more in front of me.

I must admit being around people drinking does worry me but i also think they aren't really friends if they can't see the mess i'd got myself in.

Seriously the comments on here help so much, its amazing to find people who can relate to this.

Now if it would just stop bloody raining....