trusting myself again
Hey CC- I read your post with consideration, and I think you make good points, except that I feel, personally, that you are confusing self-doubt with cowardice. I am not a coward, but I can learn from what you said. So I thank you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Des Plaines,IL
Posts: 187
That may be true. You know her better than I do, so I would never call her a coward. In this particular instance, she speaks about getting the courage to say something and then turns coward. If you want to work step 4, then work it, but don't play games. You have to call it what it is and claim it if you want to change it. If there is cowardice in you, then it's there. Don't use a euphemism and sugar coat it. When I did my moral inventory of myself, I saw cowardice and courage, along with a lot of other things, and I am sure that the same holds true for Jomey. I bet the same holds true for all of us, so let's dispense with the euphemisms and start dealing with reality, shall we? We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We all have our moments of courage and cowardice. I will get off my soapbox now.
When I die, I don't want anybody at my funeral to say "passed away". Reality is the hardest thing for people to deal with so they come up with a euphemism to sugar coat everything. Death is death people. Look...I am not here to push people's buttons or offend anyone, but if you are going to work the 4th step, then you have to name it to claim it.
When I die, I don't want anybody at my funeral to say "passed away". Reality is the hardest thing for people to deal with so they come up with a euphemism to sugar coat everything. Death is death people. Look...I am not here to push people's buttons or offend anyone, but if you are going to work the 4th step, then you have to name it to claim it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Des Plaines,IL
Posts: 187
Peace.
It took about 2 years to trust myself. I lost my drivers license 10 years ago. I waited 3 years to try to get it back. I just wanted to be sure that I would not drink and drive again.
Today the thought of drinking makes me ill. It will be 7 years next month that I have not drank.
This is only because I learned the hard way that I cannot drink. I would stop and then get the stupid idea I could handle it. Well, I ended up sick every time.
Today the thought of drinking makes me ill. It will be 7 years next month that I have not drank.
This is only because I learned the hard way that I cannot drink. I would stop and then get the stupid idea I could handle it. Well, I ended up sick every time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Des Plaines,IL
Posts: 187
I know that I stirred the pot with Jomey, but I can assure you that my heart is in the right place. I was being brutally honest and I know I was. If people wanted to make an argument that I shouldn't have been so brutal, I am sure they could make one.
This may come as a surprise to you, but I actually believe that recovering addicts are some of the bravest people I have ever met. They are some of the strongest people I have ever met, and if anybody can handle brutal honesty, recovering addicts can because they appreciate the value of being honest with themselves and others. How many people (non-addicts) do you know have the courage to take a fearless moral inventory of themselves? Most people can't so they wind up lying to themselves and others because they don't want to be rude or offend anyone.
Anyway, be that as it may, I have to listen to the feedback that I get from people and evaluate it. Perhaps, they are right that I was being brutally honest and was way over the top.
Peace.
Hey CC - You did not stir the pot with me. I believe (now) in thinking before I speak, because my big mouth got me into heaps of trouble when I was drinking. So, please don't confuse the brevity of my last post with hurt feelings or anything else.
I never heard anyone use the words "turn coward" without meaning to apply the term "coward" to the person they were addressing the remark to. I had to think that one over before I could respond to you with an open mind. In my neck of the woods, "coward" is fightin words, and I will admit it set me off a bit. But that was my choice, and it quickly became my choice to let it go.
Anyway, this is not a semantics game, so you express yourself anyway you want here, my brother. How I, or anyone else, chooses to take it, is up to them. I am not the type of person to be rude or offensive to someone NEEDLESSLY. That was the essential question here. Best analogy I can come up with is this.I am not a brain surgeon, I am a farmer. If I needed brain surgery, I would go to an expert and I would have to do a boatload of research and discussing and thinking if I was going to question him. After all, he is supposed to be an expert in his field, and I know nothing about it. Of course, he is not infalliable, but he's been at it for years, and has a lot of success with other patients. So, now make the brain surgeon my sponsor. She has been it at for years, and had success with herself and with other sponsees. I am not afraid to question her, just need more info. about others experiences with AA, and sponsorship and recovery. I don't want to offend her needlessly, and yeah, I do still need some help thinking this all through. That's why I started this thread.
So, you communicate your way, I'll communicate mine, and I bet we can both learn something from each other. You name it a moment of cowardice, I am still going to name it a moment of self doubt. I have named it and claimed it. Now I have to decide how to deal with it. I am not going to try to take your inventory and say whether or not you are "brutally" honest and whether or not that is the right thing to do. I obviously have enough trouble taking my own inventory, so I sure as get-out am not going to start on anyone else's!
I will gratefully take your word that your heart is in the right place and I wish you well.
I never heard anyone use the words "turn coward" without meaning to apply the term "coward" to the person they were addressing the remark to. I had to think that one over before I could respond to you with an open mind. In my neck of the woods, "coward" is fightin words, and I will admit it set me off a bit. But that was my choice, and it quickly became my choice to let it go.
Anyway, this is not a semantics game, so you express yourself anyway you want here, my brother. How I, or anyone else, chooses to take it, is up to them. I am not the type of person to be rude or offensive to someone NEEDLESSLY. That was the essential question here. Best analogy I can come up with is this.I am not a brain surgeon, I am a farmer. If I needed brain surgery, I would go to an expert and I would have to do a boatload of research and discussing and thinking if I was going to question him. After all, he is supposed to be an expert in his field, and I know nothing about it. Of course, he is not infalliable, but he's been at it for years, and has a lot of success with other patients. So, now make the brain surgeon my sponsor. She has been it at for years, and had success with herself and with other sponsees. I am not afraid to question her, just need more info. about others experiences with AA, and sponsorship and recovery. I don't want to offend her needlessly, and yeah, I do still need some help thinking this all through. That's why I started this thread.
So, you communicate your way, I'll communicate mine, and I bet we can both learn something from each other. You name it a moment of cowardice, I am still going to name it a moment of self doubt. I have named it and claimed it. Now I have to decide how to deal with it. I am not going to try to take your inventory and say whether or not you are "brutally" honest and whether or not that is the right thing to do. I obviously have enough trouble taking my own inventory, so I sure as get-out am not going to start on anyone else's!
I will gratefully take your word that your heart is in the right place and I wish you well.
Last edited by Jomey; 11-19-2007 at 09:29 AM. Reason: spelling
Hey Leigh - Just got in the door and was thinking "I gotta get in touch with Leigh and tell her about my day!" Girl, you made my day! I did something dumb this morning and knocked the side mirror off my pick up. Instead of fretting and beating myself up and calling my husband, I thought, "How important is this?" and decided, not really important at all. I called the nearest dealer, made an appointment to get it fixed tomorrow, checked the bank balance (am ok there!), and went on with the day. Once or twice, I found my mind returning to "worry" about it, for absolutely no reason, and I said to myself, "Just for today, I don't have to worry about anything, esp. not the truck." WOW! It was a great feeling. I have a long way to go, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting me on my way!
Then, I started to get nervous about going to the dealer. I hate going new places. I live in "Hicksville", USA, and sometimes women are still not as welcome as they should be at mostly-male establishments like truck dealerships, etc. (sad but true!:caveman ) Anyway, when I started to imagine that I might be uncomfortable there, I said, "Hey that's tomorrow. I'll worry about it when I get there" In the meantime, a woman I just met called me and asked me to join her for coffee tomorrow morning. She offered to follow me and drive us to the cafe from the dealership, saving me from sitting there alone while they work on my truck. Isn't that serendipity? And isn't that a small step away from serenity?
I am having a tremendous SOBER day, Leigh, and I hope you are too. I am so grateful...your sharing made a WORLD of difference for me today!!! Thanks again -keep in touch!!! Jomey
Then, I started to get nervous about going to the dealer. I hate going new places. I live in "Hicksville", USA, and sometimes women are still not as welcome as they should be at mostly-male establishments like truck dealerships, etc. (sad but true!:caveman ) Anyway, when I started to imagine that I might be uncomfortable there, I said, "Hey that's tomorrow. I'll worry about it when I get there" In the meantime, a woman I just met called me and asked me to join her for coffee tomorrow morning. She offered to follow me and drive us to the cafe from the dealership, saving me from sitting there alone while they work on my truck. Isn't that serendipity? And isn't that a small step away from serenity?
I am having a tremendous SOBER day, Leigh, and I hope you are too. I am so grateful...your sharing made a WORLD of difference for me today!!! Thanks again -keep in touch!!! Jomey
Last edited by Jomey; 11-19-2007 at 01:32 PM.
Jomey, I think you're doing great and I think self-doubt is a big part of recovery and that questioning yourself and your motives is a big part of growth. It is when you believe that you have all the answers that you are in trouble.
And, good for you for dealing with the truck issue so smoothly. I had a lot of trouble with things like that and would get overwhelmed easily. But, keeping the thoughts on hold until you need to deal with them is a big step.
And, good for you for dealing with the truck issue so smoothly. I had a lot of trouble with things like that and would get overwhelmed easily. But, keeping the thoughts on hold until you need to deal with them is a big step.
Whooooooooo Huuuuuuuu!
that's a HP job isnt it ?
You wont have to front the dealer alone !!! 2 women are an awesome force LOL
That is exactly what I meant re the "self talk" thing, and I have found that practice has made it easier, there WILL come a time when it is 2nd nature to you ,to think that way, and i bet when it does, you wont realise it til it happens
That MUST be what they mean by "Altered Attitudes" I reckon , LOL but I am a slow learner !
HUGX
Leigh
that's a HP job isnt it ?
You wont have to front the dealer alone !!! 2 women are an awesome force LOL
That is exactly what I meant re the "self talk" thing, and I have found that practice has made it easier, there WILL come a time when it is 2nd nature to you ,to think that way, and i bet when it does, you wont realise it til it happens
That MUST be what they mean by "Altered Attitudes" I reckon , LOL but I am a slow learner !
HUGX
Leigh
Oh, and Dee, maybe you will beg to differ about me taking others inventories...I kinda remember being kinda-sorta directive about you and your purging before your move? It's snowing like crazy here today....and if I also remember correctly, I "won" the D-lottery as being the SR friend who gets to come to the beach and unpack. That didn't expire yet did it????? Love ya J
Thanks Anna, it's great to know that I am not the only person who has ever felt this way. I used to get overwhelmed very easily, and the solution was always, to get through things, even little things, without really facing them and then drinking to forget about it. I can't believe how much easier it is to just do it.
Leigh, HP is awesome!!! And, you are also correct that two women together are an awesome force...I really can't tell you how grateful I am to you for getting me started with the self-talk idea. I intend to work on it continuously...however, I, too, am an extremely slow learner....or I would have sobered up years ago!!:mock Thanks, Leigh...let's talk soon! Hugs
Leigh, HP is awesome!!! And, you are also correct that two women together are an awesome force...I really can't tell you how grateful I am to you for getting me started with the self-talk idea. I intend to work on it continuously...however, I, too, am an extremely slow learner....or I would have sobered up years ago!!:mock Thanks, Leigh...let's talk soon! Hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)