citychick

"We're only as sick as our secrets." That saying used to strike fear into my newly sober heart. I thought the people in AA would judge me as harshly as I judged myself. I did my fifth step with my sponser, and instead of judgment, I found understanding, loving kindness and acceptance.

citychick

"We're only as sick as our secrets." That saying used to strike fear into my newly sober heart. I thought the people in AA would judge me as harshly as I judged myself. I did my fifth step with my sponser, and instead of judgment, there was understanding, loving kindness and acceptance.



whooopps!! How did that happen??

SaTiT

thanks for sharing Shanon.
my ex-wife knows all my deep dark secrets..that why she's m ex.lol

The last time i share my 5th step with soemone they fell asleep.
anyway, i had to go back deep into my childhood to find the root
cuz of some my defects. it stem from being abandent as a child.
I was one of the smartest kid in school. I always rank in the top
3 of my class. i figure if I was a good kid or a smart kid my mother
would want me..she didn't come back for me for long, long time
so I figure...the hell with my spelling.lol

I also remember roaming the streets of bankog as a child just
going anywhere and everywhere. I figure no one cared or i was
just a toss away or foggotten. i remember doing stupid things
in defience and whatever trouble I get into, didn't matter.
I felt worthless. i also remember especificlly playing in knee deep
in mud in a in defience. I knew i wasn't suppost to be there. it
was private property. My aunty which took care of me begged
me to get out..I remeber saying "no" if you care or love me or
I'm worth anything to you...get dirty & come and get me.

I also remember not wanting to touch or held by anyone.
I felt if someone would love me...they would leave me anyways.

well as an adult...Every women that ever went out with me or
had a relationship with me...asked me out.
If you want me..you better come get me or make your move.
that's the way I was...
good lord my sponsor made me date after i did th 5th.lol

mmm..also at the sametime, i have intimatcy issues.
Sometimes i don't want to be held or I won't let you get too close
to me..becuase you'll leave me anyways.
Love and pain is rolled into one for me.

building trust is difficult for me at a certain level.
I have trust issues..which is the exact nature of my wrongs or defect.
The 5th..well it's about trusting another human being.
God ?? will I felt god left me for dead as a child too.

The 5th...holly schmolly man !!

barb dwyer

and man o man ... it changes everything.

"For the truth you might be running from is so small ...
but it's as big as the promise - the promise of the coming day" (Southern Cross - Crosby Stills & Nash)