Another New Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: IN
Posts: 4
Another New Newbie
Hi Everyone,
I have been lurking for awhile now and feel the need to share my story and be a part of this group.
I am 51 yrs old and have spent and starting drinking at the age of 15. Alcohol made me feel like it gave me the confidence to feel like I fit in and I have hidden behind it all these years. I am also a co-dependent, as in always getting the fixer uppers and every relationship I ever had has ended. It is a vicious pattern and it is almost like I am addicted to the pain of it all.
I am currently divorced for the 2nd time and ended a live in relationship last august of 2006. He was an alcoholic and and lived with me. I have read very similar stories on the message board and really wonder how we get to this point. I allowed my self to be used always thinking he would see the light. (codie) But he didn't and I did see him again for awhile this summer, but he was also seeing someone else and moved in with her 2 weeks after he told me he didn't want to see me anymore.
I had stopped drinking in September of 2005 and starting drinking in March of 2006 when I starting seeing exabf, to fit in again. Jeez!! Anyhow, after we split in Aug 2006, I quit drinking and got back into counseling and on anti-depressants. Was doing fairly well, but just couldn't accept the fact that he could move on so easily.
I starting drinking with him again this summer and after the split in August quit again and I hope for good. I am currently goint to AA Meetings, back in couseling and still on the Anti-depressants. It didn't seem and traumatic this time around, because deep down I know I so much better off on my own. I have been fortunate to hold a good job, 25 years this past August and can support my self financially.
I know alcohol covered up my low self worth and does not help a thing, but make things worse. I am hoping this 3rd go around on keeping sober and finally get on the right path to a good life is it. I think this Co-dependent behaviour is really the root of my problems and I am working on changing my patterns. It has taken sometime to set boundries again and finding myself. I am fortunate to have a great support systems withing my family and friends, but I just am having a really hard time totally letting go of exabf. People have told me to just quit thinking and worrying about what he is doing. It's not that easy. Sometimes I think I am just a total nut case.
Anyway, sorry I have rambled on here, but thanks for listening.
Shiloh
I have been lurking for awhile now and feel the need to share my story and be a part of this group.
I am 51 yrs old and have spent and starting drinking at the age of 15. Alcohol made me feel like it gave me the confidence to feel like I fit in and I have hidden behind it all these years. I am also a co-dependent, as in always getting the fixer uppers and every relationship I ever had has ended. It is a vicious pattern and it is almost like I am addicted to the pain of it all.
I am currently divorced for the 2nd time and ended a live in relationship last august of 2006. He was an alcoholic and and lived with me. I have read very similar stories on the message board and really wonder how we get to this point. I allowed my self to be used always thinking he would see the light. (codie) But he didn't and I did see him again for awhile this summer, but he was also seeing someone else and moved in with her 2 weeks after he told me he didn't want to see me anymore.
I had stopped drinking in September of 2005 and starting drinking in March of 2006 when I starting seeing exabf, to fit in again. Jeez!! Anyhow, after we split in Aug 2006, I quit drinking and got back into counseling and on anti-depressants. Was doing fairly well, but just couldn't accept the fact that he could move on so easily.
I starting drinking with him again this summer and after the split in August quit again and I hope for good. I am currently goint to AA Meetings, back in couseling and still on the Anti-depressants. It didn't seem and traumatic this time around, because deep down I know I so much better off on my own. I have been fortunate to hold a good job, 25 years this past August and can support my self financially.
I know alcohol covered up my low self worth and does not help a thing, but make things worse. I am hoping this 3rd go around on keeping sober and finally get on the right path to a good life is it. I think this Co-dependent behaviour is really the root of my problems and I am working on changing my patterns. It has taken sometime to set boundries again and finding myself. I am fortunate to have a great support systems withing my family and friends, but I just am having a really hard time totally letting go of exabf. People have told me to just quit thinking and worrying about what he is doing. It's not that easy. Sometimes I think I am just a total nut case.
Anyway, sorry I have rambled on here, but thanks for listening.
Shiloh
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR Shiloh! Glad that you found us! 
It sounds that you are ready to take that step towards a better life...keep up that positive attitude! It works!
It sounds that you are ready to take that step towards a better life...keep up that positive attitude! It works!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR Shiloh!!
I totally understand about the codie thing - I finally realized that I had my relapse 8 months ago because I was stressed out about a situation I had no control over and I forgot to keep my recovery as my priority.
This forum is GREAT, but you may want to check out the Friends and Families forums too (if you haven't already) - I mainly go on the one for substance abuse, but you may want to check out the one for alcoholics. Not only is it helping me learn how NOT to be a codie, my insight (as an addict) helps those who are struggling with why an addict does what we do.
It's just a thought - no matter what forum you post on at SR, you will find tons of support
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I totally understand about the codie thing - I finally realized that I had my relapse 8 months ago because I was stressed out about a situation I had no control over and I forgot to keep my recovery as my priority.
This forum is GREAT, but you may want to check out the Friends and Families forums too (if you haven't already) - I mainly go on the one for substance abuse, but you may want to check out the one for alcoholics. Not only is it helping me learn how NOT to be a codie, my insight (as an addict) helps those who are struggling with why an addict does what we do.
It's just a thought - no matter what forum you post on at SR, you will find tons of support
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Hi Shiloh - I love your name! It sounds like you finally are on your way. Being older, I don't feel I have that many more chances to fix myself! Our bodies can't keep coming back time & time again from the abuse. That's really what brought me to the decision to give it up once and for all, no more playing at it. I know I may have already shortened my life by abusing myself, but at least it can stop here....Love, Joanie
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm so pleased you decided to " "de lurk" and post!
I did ditch a still drinking lover when I was 55
to maintain my sobriety ...
He survived....I thrived!
Have you started doing AA Step work?
That is when the recovery joy kicked in for me.
Blessings
I did ditch a still drinking lover when I was 55
to maintain my sobriety ...
He survived....I thrived!
Have you started doing AA Step work?
That is when the recovery joy kicked in for me.
Blessings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: IN
Posts: 4
I just want to thank all of you for your kind support. I have been reading the posts on Families and Friends of Alcoholics and it is nice to have a place to go where people really do understand the inner struggles we live with.
I have attended 3 AA meetings so far and intend to keep going. It is an all woman's meeting and I am very comfortable with it. I have been going with my friend, she has been sober for 5 years and I can't wait until I can say 5 years sober myself. It will be 1 month on Nov. 8th and I am proud now.
I seem like I am busier now doing productive things, then I have ever been in my life and it is a good thing. It is nice to be able to hold my head up and feel a little pep in my step.
Thank you all once again!
Anita
I have attended 3 AA meetings so far and intend to keep going. It is an all woman's meeting and I am very comfortable with it. I have been going with my friend, she has been sober for 5 years and I can't wait until I can say 5 years sober myself. It will be 1 month on Nov. 8th and I am proud now.
I seem like I am busier now doing productive things, then I have ever been in my life and it is a good thing. It is nice to be able to hold my head up and feel a little pep in my step.
Thank you all once again!
Anita
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Have you gotten a new look for the new you?I treated myself to a spa day + hair cut
stopped wearing black and felt
snazzy and confident.
Ok Ok I am shallow but those actions worked
great when I started recovery!
I still wear bright colors and do the cut each month.
Good to see you have a friend to share AA wth.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: IN
Posts: 4
Hey Carol,
I did the new me thing last winter but I have gained some of the weight I had lost this summer. I have all these new "smaller" clothes I had bought and now they are way to snug. I need to get back on track, but I haven't fully committed to the healthy diet just yet. Been having fun just doing things I enjoy. I have a couple of horses and have been spending a lot time riding when I can. This fall weather has been just perfect. My sister and I rode after work today and I just got on the puter awhile ago.
I am about due for a manicure and pedicure though now that you mentioned it. It is nice to pamper yourself once in awhile.
Take Care,
Anita
I did the new me thing last winter but I have gained some of the weight I had lost this summer. I have all these new "smaller" clothes I had bought and now they are way to snug. I need to get back on track, but I haven't fully committed to the healthy diet just yet. Been having fun just doing things I enjoy. I have a couple of horses and have been spending a lot time riding when I can. This fall weather has been just perfect. My sister and I rode after work today and I just got on the puter awhile ago.
I am about due for a manicure and pedicure though now that you mentioned it. It is nice to pamper yourself once in awhile.
Take Care,
Anita
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