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Old 11-02-2007, 07:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Another New Newbie


Hi Everyone,

I have been lurking for awhile now and feel the need to share my story and be a part of this group.

I am 51 yrs old and have spent and starting drinking at the age of 15. Alcohol made me feel like it gave me the confidence to feel like I fit in and I have hidden behind it all these years. I am also a co-dependent, as in always getting the fixer uppers and every relationship I ever had has ended. It is a vicious pattern and it is almost like I am addicted to the pain of it all.

I am currently divorced for the 2nd time and ended a live in relationship last august of 2006. He was an alcoholic and and lived with me. I have read very similar stories on the message board and really wonder how we get to this point. I allowed my self to be used always thinking he would see the light. (codie) But he didn't and I did see him again for awhile this summer, but he was also seeing someone else and moved in with her 2 weeks after he told me he didn't want to see me anymore.

I had stopped drinking in September of 2005 and starting drinking in March of 2006 when I starting seeing exabf, to fit in again. Jeez!! Anyhow, after we split in Aug 2006, I quit drinking and got back into counseling and on anti-depressants. Was doing fairly well, but just couldn't accept the fact that he could move on so easily.

I starting drinking with him again this summer and after the split in August quit again and I hope for good. I am currently goint to AA Meetings, back in couseling and still on the Anti-depressants. It didn't seem and traumatic this time around, because deep down I know I so much better off on my own. I have been fortunate to hold a good job, 25 years this past August and can support my self financially.

I know alcohol covered up my low self worth and does not help a thing, but make things worse. I am hoping this 3rd go around on keeping sober and finally get on the right path to a good life is it. I think this Co-dependent behaviour is really the root of my problems and I am working on changing my patterns. It has taken sometime to set boundries again and finding myself. I am fortunate to have a great support systems withing my family and friends, but I just am having a really hard time totally letting go of exabf. People have told me to just quit thinking and worrying about what he is doing. It's not that easy. Sometimes I think I am just a total nut case.

Anyway, sorry I have rambled on here, but thanks for listening.

Shiloh
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Old 11-02-2007, 07:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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it's nice to meet you, shiloh. it sounds like you have made a lot of positive changes! keep posting and sharing, please. blessings, k
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Old 11-02-2007, 08:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
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It's a pleasure to welcome a new member - keep reading and posting - there is a lot of support and wisdom to be found here. Good to meet you, Shiloh.
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Old 11-02-2007, 08:47 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome Shiloh and congrats on tackling your problems
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Old 11-02-2007, 08:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi Shiloh!
Welcome aboard! The people on here are really great and they often have allot of good advice to share too.
Let us know how you get on.
Good luck.
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Old 11-02-2007, 09:47 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi Shiloh,

It sounds like you've learned a lot and are ready to move on.

I hope you keep posting.
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Old 11-02-2007, 10:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hello Shiloh
Realizing our destructive patterns is a major step. Then we have the ability to correct or avoid them all together.
Keep up the good work.
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Old 11-02-2007, 10:34 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Shiloh! Glad that you found us!

It sounds that you are ready to take that step towards a better life...keep up that positive attitude! It works!
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Old 11-02-2007, 11:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Shiloh!!

I totally understand about the codie thing - I finally realized that I had my relapse 8 months ago because I was stressed out about a situation I had no control over and I forgot to keep my recovery as my priority.

This forum is GREAT, but you may want to check out the Friends and Families forums too (if you haven't already) - I mainly go on the one for substance abuse, but you may want to check out the one for alcoholics. Not only is it helping me learn how NOT to be a codie, my insight (as an addict) helps those who are struggling with why an addict does what we do.

It's just a thought - no matter what forum you post on at SR, you will find tons of support

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 11-02-2007, 02:09 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Shiloh - I love your name! It sounds like you finally are on your way. Being older, I don't feel I have that many more chances to fix myself! Our bodies can't keep coming back time & time again from the abuse. That's really what brought me to the decision to give it up once and for all, no more playing at it. I know I may have already shortened my life by abusing myself, but at least it can stop here....Love, Joanie
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Old 11-02-2007, 03:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm so pleased you decided to " "de lurk" and post!

I did ditch a still drinking lover when I was 55
to maintain my sobriety ...
He survived....I thrived!

Have you started doing AA Step work?
That is when the recovery joy kicked in for me.

Blessings
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Old 11-02-2007, 03:17 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi Shiloh
Welcome and good luck in your sobriety. You will surely find support and friendship on this forum.
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Old 11-02-2007, 05:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I just want to thank all of you for your kind support. I have been reading the posts on Families and Friends of Alcoholics and it is nice to have a place to go where people really do understand the inner struggles we live with.

I have attended 3 AA meetings so far and intend to keep going. It is an all woman's meeting and I am very comfortable with it. I have been going with my friend, she has been sober for 5 years and I can't wait until I can say 5 years sober myself. It will be 1 month on Nov. 8th and I am proud now.

I seem like I am busier now doing productive things, then I have ever been in my life and it is a good thing. It is nice to be able to hold my head up and feel a little pep in my step.

Thank you all once again!

Anita
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Old 11-02-2007, 05:41 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Have you gotten a new look for the new you?

I treated myself to a spa day + hair cut
stopped wearing black and felt
snazzy and confident.


Ok Ok I am shallow but those actions worked
great when I started recovery!
I still wear bright colors and do the cut each month.

Good to see you have a friend to share AA wth.
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Old 11-02-2007, 05:49 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hey Carol,

I did the new me thing last winter but I have gained some of the weight I had lost this summer. I have all these new "smaller" clothes I had bought and now they are way to snug. I need to get back on track, but I haven't fully committed to the healthy diet just yet. Been having fun just doing things I enjoy. I have a couple of horses and have been spending a lot time riding when I can. This fall weather has been just perfect. My sister and I rode after work today and I just got on the puter awhile ago.

I am about due for a manicure and pedicure though now that you mentioned it. It is nice to pamper yourself once in awhile.

Take Care,

Anita
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Old 11-03-2007, 07:10 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Talking

Hi Anita,

Welcome to SR..

Keep posting, we are glad you found us...
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