odaat

Hi all, sorry if this is off topic, I suppose it isn't directly to do with recovery, or maybe it is, I don't know.

I've not worked for a long time, and I've recently been to see a voluntary placement officer. She has sent me some possible volunteering opportunities, which will build my confidence and help me to get better.

The only problem is, they all seem unreasonable. I don't drive, and I can't use public transport (anxiety problems - don't feel ready to) and all the jobs are at least 2 miles away. I'll only be doing one afternoon a week, but that means I'd have to walk 4 miles in one day. I don't think I can do that - I can just about walk to my home group which is 1.2 miles away, as long as I get a lift back.

Am I being silly? Should I just do it and hope it doesn't backfire? Am I making excuses? Or am I genuinely not ready?

Thats just thinking about the logistics, not even taking in to account that all the jobs sound much too hard for me

Tazman53

odaat the question you should be asking your self is "How long do I want to wait to start getting better?"

I am not being mean when I say that, sobriety takes work, life does also, in order to get better we need to take action! Inaction leds no where, do nothing, get nothing.

If you have faith you can over come fear!

You have enough faith in your HP to stay sober right? Demonstrate even more faith by taking action, remember faith without works is dead.

odaat

This doesn't feel like the right action though. They recommended that I do something very light and easy to begin with, and none of these options sound managable to me.

They are calling me tomorrow, and I just hope that they have something closer they can offer me. I don't want to end up in a downward spiral of doing too much too soon - thats what usually happens and things end up getting a lot worse.

discoveringme

If it doesn't feel like the right action and you know you are not just being anxious about it. then follow your inner voice. I find that my inner voice is right almost without fail. Even when I already know I am making a bad decision...that voice is in there..trying to keep me on track. Tazman is right when he said sobriety takes work and life does also. Keep the faith, as he said and the right decision will come to you...sometimes in ways we didn't even realize!

Tazman53

One thing to add to what I already said, many of the best things for us are not things we like, heck I do not like working for a living, but I do like eating, having a place to live, and electricity.

I did not like quitting smoking, it was hard as hell and I wanted a smoke so bad!!!! But I no longer worry about being short of breath or dying of lung cancer, no I did not want to quit, it was hard to quit, but in the long run I am better for it.

GlassPrisoner

I couldn't find work for my first 6 months of sobrietry.

I'm pretty sure it was my HPs way of telling me I wasn't ready.

"Easy does it"......

Anna

I think you might be ready, but just afraid of trying something new.

We had just moved when I stopped drinking and I had no job at that time, so I made a decision to volunteer. It was the best decision I could have made. I set out believing I might have something that I could offer, and ended up learning that I was receiving far more than I was giving. It gave me a purpose and did wonders for my shattered self-esteem.

odaat

I'm willing to try something, but I'd like something that is a bit nearer to home and a bit safer. They were supposed to offer me something that sounded ideal and only 1.5 miles away, but they didn't. I'll ask about that tomorrow - thats scary, but at least its not too far aware and I don't have the added stress of being far away and not able to get home if I need to.

kelsh

Hi odaat,

I do understand what you are saying and have seen this happen with people with a mental health diagnosis as well as alcoholism. But I also agree that we have to set goals for ourselves and take steps to keep progressing in our sobriety.

I worked through my beginning sobriety except the 31 days I went to in-patient treatment. My counselor there wanted me to stay 60 more days. I told her that if I did that I would lose my job and as it was, I wasn't going to have any income for the month I had agreed to stay.

She said that since I still had a young child at home(eleven years old) that I could go on Welfare. My retaliation was a very strong.."If you want me to start drinking again just keep me here to go on Welfare and I will surely drink again being home all day by myself!!"

Now this was just me...I had severe depression/anxiety but still could function pretty well out in the Real World. Before I left treatment I had to set some goals & I had one big goal...To go back to college after a year of sobriety! I was told in front of our whole group that this wouldn't be logical since I had ruined so many brain cells drinking!!!

Brain Cells my eye!!!!! I not only went back to college to get my BA Degree in Psychology, I was on the Dean's List every single semester....I wrote to the treatment center after I graduated from college but they never acknowledged my letter. I did go to classes late afternoon and worked half a day starting at 9 AM. It was tough...went to AA three times a week too because the AA Program and my friends there helped me get where I was at that time.

When I would get down or be fearful of failing, my Sponsor would tell me...Work Your Program!!! That would make me mad enough that I would work my program!!!! To the Best of my Ability at that time.

kelsh

odaat

I had a good chat with my Mum, and its not that I don't want to do the voluntary work, its just these options don't feel right. I don't want the journey to be so off putting that I don't bother going. I've written down what things I'm interested in, and will ask her if she can find something closer for me. There are plenty of places nearby that I'm sure would love a volunteer, so I'm hoping its just a clerical error and she'll find something better for me.

I've not had functional depression - I tried so hard to stay in my part time job, but due to time off sick on the days I couldn't drag myself out of bed, they sacked me. This is a huge step, I've not worked in over 2 years, and I want to start with something very gentle to work my way up - my confidence is rock bottom, and if I go for anything too stressful/chaotic, I'll end up getting something wrong and feeling like a failure - I've done that so many times before. I think 'Easy Does It' is the right phrase for me at the moment.

I know I'm being honest with myself, and I know what I'm capable of and whats best, so I'll speak to the woman and try and find something more suitable.

Thanks for helping me to think this out

barb dwyer

I agree with the following the inner guidance ... I'm all about that.

One thing to keep in mind however, it occurred to me when reading your replies ...

Our inner guidance ...
is going to help us make choices that are within the realm of what we can do ... but it's almost always going to be on the edge.
I mean - the goal is go get better, right?
not remain in the same state.
We can't change... and remain the same.

to get better - we have to find our limits ... and USE them.

Our Inner Guidance will always lead us to that edge.

This is not about doing harm. This is about becoming more.
Maybe somehting will appear that makes it possible.
You don't know that yet.
There could be someone who also volunteers at that facility who will give you a ride.
There could be a person at that facility who needs to hear your story ... we can't know that.
Expecting it to be within the parameters of what you think you're capable of is limiting the Infinite before it gets a chance to unfold.

Let something different happen... in order to become different.
If you can't do it - then tell them. But find out first.

Just a view ... from a broad.