Fishy226

Well I do know that eating has a major impact on me. I was driving to work yesterday afternoon and I said to myself that I needed to stop and get a sandwich because if I don't I may end up drinking instead....because that is what usually happens...but if I eat I'm okay and I don't feel like I want to drink....most of the time....so when I went down to the restaurant to pick up my dinner and it wasn't ready (to go orders are picked up at the bar) I had 15 minutes or so to spare. I tell you...I sat and starred at the bottles for at least 5 minutes. And I kept saying all I need to do is get something to eat and I will be fine. But I ordered the wine anyway...thinking I would only have a glass...but once I had it I wasn't hungry anymore...so I continued drinking at home. So that is one thing that I need to watch...but the other is just anxiety and being alone...and...quitting drinking is not like being on a diet where you can sneak in a bite of chocolate and then go right back to eating healthy...I guess I've found out the hard way that you just can't do that.

Fishy226

let me explain a bit more...so if i eat - very rarely do i want to drink. however, i often make the decision not not to eat and to drink instead due to whatever is going on at the moment...then i eat after i drink...terrible...

the day i got a dui...i stopped at a sandwich shop and i stood outside and i said to myself...if i eat, i won't drink tonight...then i walked over to the market and got beer instead...and then arrested that evening. but i always think i will only have a couple...and it never works...never.

Captain Kirk

What rules are you talking about?

Fishy226

that you can't only try to hae 1...that's the rule..it's like eating potatoe chips....

Captain Kirk

Fishy, if you want to go with them and drink Coca Cola or fruit juices. They won't notice.
You'll find that as people drink they're conversations begin to get silly and they'll laugh allot. You just sit their with your non-alcoholic beverage and smile.

Captain Kirk

Sorry about that, I shouldn't have asked that question before I'd finished reading the thread.
Thanks for explaing the rule to me anyway.

dave47

Hello Fishy and welcome.Much as i would like a compromise situation with alcohol that is impossible,one sip and everything falls apart.Good luck to anyone who can drink sociably and call a halt at the right time,but like you i can't do that.You must keep busy and get away from your danger spots and then you can start to get yourself back again.Good luck mate,theres always loads of support on here.

Fishy226

Well, it seems as though I made it through this weekend - today is day 3. I woke up yesterday and immediately ate and a few hours later got quite anxious and upset because a guy that I'm involved with apparently Googled me and started asking me all sorts of questions about things...it was quite dramatic. And I was in that awful anxious zone where I thought I really wanted to drink yesterday. That was a horrible position to be put in. But I tried to remember the posting that I read that said that we have to accept the current space that we're in and even if we don't like it, that is no reason or excuse to drink. That always gives me a sense of calmness - kind of puts me in check. So, I ordered pizza and watched 4 movies last night. I really had such a fun time. It's nice to just let go and enjoy and accept the moments and not feel like the minute I get anxious that the instant solution is to drink. Once I decided that I was going to accept the way I was feeling then my anxiety lessened. I always end up feeling so much worse if I drink. It felt good to wake up today not hung over. I'm proud of myself for doing that.

Thanks again for the support. I hope everyone had a nice weekend.

Fishy

Fishy226

Well, it seems as though I made it through this weekend - today is day 3. I woke up yesterday and immediately ate and a few hours later got quite anxious and upset because a guy that I'm involved with apparently Googled me and started asking me all sorts of questions about things...it was quite dramatic and frankly innappropriate. There was nothing wrong with any of the information. And it put me in that awful anxious zone where I thought I really wanted to drink yesterday. That was a horrible position to be put in (having to respond to his questions -the way they were asked). But I tried to remember the posting that I read that said that we have to accept the current space that we're in and even if we don't like it, that is no reason or excuse to drink. That always gives me a sense of calmness - kind of puts me in check. So, I ordered pizza and watched 4 movies last night. I really had such a fun time. It's nice to just let go and enjoy and accept the moments and not feel like the minute I get anxious that the instant solution is to drink. Once I decided that I was going to accept the way I was feeling then my anxiety lessened. I always end up feeling so much worse if I drink. It felt good to wake up today not hung over. I'm proud of myself for doing that.

Thanks again for the support. I hope everyone had a nice weekend.

Fishy

Fishy226

going well day 7

bval

Awesome, keep it up girl!

You CAN do it

If I were you, I'd hit up an AA meeting. It can't possibly hurt, can it?

Fishy226

Thank you! I feel good (well, I feel fine...I haven't been sleeping well so I've been exhausted - but that is better than being hung over). I had a more productive month at work than I have in a while. And I've been exercising almost every night.

yikes...AA meeings..I've gone to them before and feel like I'm going to have a seizure by the time I leave. That isn't an exergeration. I think I really almost fainted once. They make me extremely nervous...

Rowan

It's good to see you, Fishy! :ghug2

Captain Kirk

Congratulations on your Day 7! That's very good. Keep on going!
Rowan, you're avatars are just so funny!!

Fishy226

Time sure does fly. I guess it's day 19 now. Everything is going well.

Sorry I didn't answer your question Pilgrim. I didn't see it until now. I have terrible social anxiety anyway...it's funny because my work is all with the public. I don't get anxious when it is my job..but otherwise I hate being in groups of people I don't know and I felt like I was being observed. I went everyday (since I had to - the courts made me) and there were few women in the meetings. I got called on all the time and I hated it. Also, there were a couple of people I knew from outside of AA and they were at those meetings and they would talk crap about other people....like they were judging them and I think that made me feel uncomfortable like people would judge me (not for drinking but for other things like something I might say). maybe it was because I knew a couple of those people outside of the meeting..but then again I felt that way at other meetings where I didn't know anyone. I literally thought I would throw up if they called on me...I think it was just a social anxiety thing. I didn't feel like I fit in. I don't know.

Then one night...a very low night...I was really drunk..I had about 3 bottles of wine.One of the guys I knew from AA came over and had sex with me...I was so completely drunk and I was shocked that he would do that after being sober and in AA for 15 years I think it was....how could he kiss me when I was drinking? They made fun of it and called it the 13th step. It was a bunch of ******** and my sponsor was pissed. What a horrible night. I never went back.

Anyway...all is good. 19 days..a little depressed tonight, but I don't feel like drinking. I have little spurts of a few seconds where sometimes I feel llike it, but then i try to remember that the space i'm in is where i'm at and it's okay.

fishy..