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Addiction and relationships

Old 10-25-2007, 07:19 AM
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Addiction and relationships

Again, sorry if this is posted in the wrong place. I didn't see a more appropriate forum.

So I just found out that a friend has strung me along for sexual purposes for the second time in two months. I know this wouldn't happen if I wasn't in my current addiction situation. I'm really needy right now, and that means I'll fall into the lap of any guy who shows me kindness. Sad, but true.

Any tips for avoiding these destructive relationships until I can get sober?
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:27 AM
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are you going to aa or getting any counseling support? make sobriety the priority. don't take the calls, invites, advances. you deserve to be treated with respect.

hugs, k
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:29 AM
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Originally Posted by parentrecovers View Post
are you going to aa or getting any counseling support? make sobriety the priority. don't take the calls, invites, advances. you deserve to be treated with respect.

hugs, k
No, I'm still working to get into a program. I'm playing phone-tag with my doctor to try and get an appointment.

The problem is, when I'm drunk all that common sense like "don't flirt with the guy who was a jerk to you in college" kind of goes out the window.
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:34 AM
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well, that's a real good reason to quit drinking then, right? take a look at some other threads and you'll find that you are not alone. the guilt and remorse associated with drinking is part of a lot of folk's pain. but after you stop drinking, that goes away over time. and you can feel good about yourself again.

what about an aa meeting? there's groups just for women, and that might help you.
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:46 AM
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I'm definitely looking into it. Besides the religious edginess, I'm in a huge college town and I have the feeling that the meeting will be filled with scary frat guys who are only there on court order.

But I guess I can't drag my feet forever. Thanks. ^^
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:53 AM
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that's why i was thinking a women's group might be a good idea when i saw madison...
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Old 10-25-2007, 08:19 AM
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Tellus, you are doing the right thing by arranging for counselling and of course, it's fine to post this here. We're all here to help.

I think it's really about learning to love yourself, which in my opinion, is at the basis of all addiction. If we loved ourselves, we wouldn't do these awful things to ourselves which hurt us physically, mentally and spiritually.
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Old 10-25-2007, 08:38 AM
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Originally Posted by tellus View Post
I have the feeling that the meeting will be filled with scary frat guys who are only there on court order.
Well, lets see,

Is this site filled with scary frat guys?

Alcoholism / addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer.

There are folks of all kinds in AA.

Even folks like me, and the others on this forum.

You will find a true cross section of the population there, so please don't fret.

Best to you tellus, and welcome to SR.

Ted
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Old 10-25-2007, 08:47 AM
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Tellus call the AA hotline in your area, I can assure you that they will hook you up with some women only meetings, go to some regular meetings to, trust me when I say that if you want to get sober that the old timers at the meeting will deal with any guys trying to take advantage of you. Taking advantage of newcomers is not tolerated by old timers.

The longer you drink the more likely this will happen again, why let the guilt and shame build up, get sober, make some sober friends, do sober things!
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Old 10-25-2007, 09:20 AM
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She sounds like me don't she PT????
Hello, as you already know we are quite a like, damn don't even know what to say.
Okay God's honest truth.......I have a sex problem, I am bpd( borderline personality disorder- that doesn't mean I have multipul personalities just one that says I am the sh*t and your not it is my way or no way).
My Son's father is an alcoholic who had just came over to make amends, our one night stand became another one.....I was still using he wasn't and was talking to me about getting help......next thing I know I am pg and we are both sitting here going WTF just happened.........
When I first started cleaning up I kept up the sexual thing, there is this web site called on line booty call........lets just suffice it to say I am thankful I have safe sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I traded one addiction for another it is so da*n easy to do.........as for who is at the meetings.....it doesn't matter as long as YOU put YOU first!!!!!

don't let anyone ( including a man) dictate YOUR actions!!!! YOU are the only person who will get hurt or stay strong...........quit making MEN your life( that is what I thought, I was no body without someBODY in my bed and screwing my brains out.....it goes all the way back to being molested when I was a child......sex=love) Make your life then see IF they fit in YOUR plans....Every one here will tell you it is all about me...what does that mean...IT IS YOUR PROGRAM it is up to you to determine wether or not you are going to sink or swim, not them, so your program is all about you!!!!!
That was all there was too it........this is going to sound hysterical but, every morning I look at myself in the mirror ( I sware to GOD!!!!! Bought a bigger mirror so I could write on it) and tell myself I love you and look at myself.......I will tell a person male or female I am the ABSOLUTE SEXIEST person I have ever seen I fell in love with me, the person who had been abused all along by the person who loved me the most.....me........

Next thing to do is get tested.........dead serious, Just because I know P and we have known each other for a LONG time I didn't have protected sex.......terrifies me to my soul!!!!!!!!

instead of the sex thing turn to a meeting it worked for me!!!! Validate yourself not them and KNOW you are so much better!!!!!!!


Stay strong sweetie and keep fighting!!!!!( and posting)
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Old 10-25-2007, 10:10 AM
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Hi Tellus,

51Anna has it right...

How can we possibly have a healthy relationship with someone if we haven't learned to love ourselves with any meaningful sobriety?

Try to stay away from toxic relationships and focus on YOU.
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