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Old 10-23-2007, 09:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Get a new routine?


Ok, I'm fine until Saturdays usually when 2 of my friends come round for a jam or I go to one of theirs...

This involves copious amounts of drinking and it's not fair for me to ask them to stop just because I am an alcoholic, so what is the alternative?

I have made excuses before about not drinking with them saying stuff like I don't feel well today or I'm hungover from last night etc, but sometimes even after doing that I join in the drinking anyway - plus it kills me to see them drinking and not have any myself...

Thing is, I enjoy their company too it's a good laugh and will miss jamming with them if I exclude them completely...

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Old 10-23-2007, 09:51 AM   #2 (permalink)
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What do you want to achieve? If it's sobriety you need to say goodbye to certain things for a while...you can meet up at alternative places for now if you like their company...but sobriety (if that's what you want) involved sacrifices, sometimes we have to give up our old friends/pastimes ALTOGETHER - not always though...but certainly IF you want to be sober you need to make sacrifices certainly at the beginning. good luck!! I think your first task needs to be what you really really want first of all - the rest will come quite easily if you REALLY decide what you REALLY want!?

good luck!!

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Old 10-23-2007, 09:57 AM   #3 (permalink)
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i have an old friend that has about 20 years of sobriety and is very involved in aa. he also happens to be one the most talented guitar players i have ever known. maybe you can find some new sober friends to jam with?

meanwhile, one day at a time. if you're worrying about it, then it's most likely best not to put yourself in the situation at this time?

hugs, k
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Old 10-23-2007, 09:58 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Yes, Cathy is right. It takes a lot of dedication and determination to be able to continue on the road to recovery. And, it can involve a lot of changes and hard choices. In my opinion, you need to put your sobriety first, if that's what you really want. I absolutely couldn't be around alcohol for a long time when I first stopped drinking.
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Old 10-23-2007, 09:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi,

My first couple of months of sobriety, I had to disassociate with situations that involved drinking...When I tried to convince myself it was my problem only(which is true), I didn't feel a part of remaining strong through craving...I wanted to be a part of the insanity...

So, why put myself through that torture??

When the going gets tough, I simply remove myself from the situation that could cost me my life or someone elses.

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Old 10-23-2007, 10:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Well...
When I hung out with drinkers .... I drank.

You can find sober musicians to jam with
AA members are not a glum bunch.
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:16 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I have only been sober a short while, but as others have posted sometimes you have to make the tough decisions and put your sobriety first. Good luck
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:19 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I will echo Cathy's comments. I have to say that if you want to quit drinking then why in the world are you lying to your friends and more importantly yourself; "saying stuff like I don't feel well today or I'm hung over from last night etc."

Getting and staying sober isn't a hobby that you take up when you feel like it and then put down when you just want to be "one of the guys." If you can afford to be that casual about it, you must not really have much of a problem with alcohol. I hope that is true and if it is, get back out there and enjoy your drinking!

Where in the hell did you get the idea that you are so powerful that if you don't drink the rest of the world can't? I quote you, "it's not fair for me to ask them to stop just because I am an alcoholic, so what is the alternative?" What do their drinking and your alcohol problem have to do with each other? I date women all the time that drink at dinner while we are out, my kids come over to the house and have a beer or glass of wine without me having to drink. I have been doing this for several years now. I AM THE ALCOHOLIC, not the rest of the world.

I decided that I have a problem; I needed to resolve it and therefore I use a higher power and AA. There are other ways I hear and I will assume that they work for those who use them. That is not my concern. My sobriety is MY RESPOSIBILITY! End of story, if you don't want to make the effort I will assure you won't get the results.

THINGS COST WHAT WE GIVE UP TO GET THEM. This is an economic law as regards the cost of an item. If you want to be one of the kids and drink and hang and jam, by all means do it, just don't waste time wondering why you aren't sober. IF YOU HANG AROUND A BARBER SHOP LONG ENOUGH YOU WILL GET A HAIRCUT!

I am speaking plainly because I really hate to see people tip toe around the facts and then others hold their head and pat them and say “there there, it will be fine.” This is life and death for those of us who are real alcoholics and death is damn inconvenient!

Jon
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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By the way. Go pick up a copy of Eric Clapton's autobiography that just came out. He writes about his 20 years of sobriety and the rewards. He talks about the 12 steps.

I am pretty sure he still plays the guitar?
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
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The truth will set you free and it will also help you to find out the difference between drinking buddies and real freinds!

Real friends you can tell you have a problem with alcohol and will support you 100%.
Drinking buddies could care less whether you drink or not.

Next time you have them over to jam tell them there will not be any booze, your real friends will show up, your drinking buddies won't.

I have real friends that drink, they do not drink at my house, not because I told them not to, but because I was honest with them and told them I have a problem and they really care about me so they do not flaunt it.

My daughter asked me if it was okay if they drank at her wedding reception, I told her no problem because if I start getting bothered by it I can leave. I stayed the whole time and thanks to AA it did not bother me in the least.

People who like or love you will support you.

You need to decide which is more important, your sobriety or your drinking buddies.
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:43 AM   #11 (permalink)
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My take.

I had no chance of staying sober until I was able to give my sobriety a place of indivisable, unchallenged priority in my life. That means it was more important than ANYTHING.

In AA we call it "going to any lengths". It makes it a lot simpler when, having suffered enough, we cherish our sobriety above everything else.

As I have often thought about my own chaotic drinking life - it wasn't enough that I suffered. I had to suffer enough.
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:47 AM   #12 (permalink)
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so you know I love ya and care so I guess I just have one question that you have to answer......who are you trying to impress????
at home you can leave it alone................why not out in public......come right out and say hey I am an alcoholic I would appreciate it if you didn't offer the drinks to me cuse I'll take em and that makes you a problem......you stand up to you hon and you have the back bone in which to stand up FOR you! It does get better
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
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RK,

I mirror what everyone else here has said. Read my latest thread..I've got 8 months and was in a situation recently were I surely wanted to cave. I wouldn't recommend with your short time putting yourself in that position!

I would tell my friends that you aren't drinking anymore, that it's a problem for you. They can still come over. If they don't, well that tells you if they are your friends. I've lost a few "friends" in sobriety, but more often than not, I've gained support from people who love me.

Also, I know a lot of musicians. They don't overdo their drinking..its about getting high from the music, not the booze.

Karen
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Old 10-23-2007, 03:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jfanagle View Post
I will echo Cathy's comments. I have to say that if you want to quit drinking then why in the world are you lying to your friends and more importantly yourself; "saying stuff like I don't feel well today or I'm hung over from last night etc."

Getting and staying sober isn't a hobby that you take up when you feel like it and then put down when you just want to be "one of the guys." If you can afford to be that casual about it, you must not really have much of a problem with alcohol. I hope that is true and if it is, get back out there and enjoy your drinking!

Where in the hell did you get the idea that you are so powerful that if you don't drink the rest of the world can't? I quote you, "it's not fair for me to ask them to stop just because I am an alcoholic, so what is the alternative?" What do their drinking and your alcohol problem have to do with each other? I date women all the time that drink at dinner while we are out, my kids come over to the house and have a beer or glass of wine without me having to drink. I have been doing this for several years now. I AM THE ALCOHOLIC, not the rest of the world.

I decided that I have a problem; I needed to resolve it and therefore I use a higher power and AA. There are other ways I hear and I will assume that they work for those who use them. That is not my concern. My sobriety is MY RESPOSIBILITY! End of story, if you don't want to make the effort I will assure you won't get the results.

THINGS COST WHAT WE GIVE UP TO GET THEM. This is an economic law as regards the cost of an item. If you want to be one of the kids and drink and hang and jam, by all means do it, just don't waste time wondering why you aren't sober. IF YOU HANG AROUND A BARBER SHOP LONG ENOUGH YOU WILL GET A HAIRCUT!

I am speaking plainly because I really hate to see people tip toe around the facts and then others hold their head and pat them and say “there there, it will be fine.” This is life and death for those of us who are real alcoholics and death is damn inconvenient!

Jon


I've been taking Librium prescribed by the doctor because I can't stop drinking on my own - because of the withdrawal symptoms I suffer when I try, because I've been abusing alcohol for 15 years, and am (was) up to 30+ units per day up until I stopped on Friday...

My attempts at stopping are hardly a casual hobby my friend, and you have a damn cheek to suggest so - and lying to my friends is something I have been doing, not something I will be doing as if you read the thread properly you will see I am asking for help about alternative ways to handle them and my association with them...

Just because I may not be handling things the right way gives you absolutely no right to address me in those 'matter-of-factly', know-it-all tones...

'Tip-toe' your way round that...

EDIT - Oh, and when I said it's not fair for me to ask them to stop drinking just because I'm an alcoholic, I meant when we're jamming at my house or theirs - not permanently, so that another drink may never pass their lips...

Last edited by RK2007; 10-23-2007 at 03:27 PM.
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Old 10-23-2007, 03:32 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi Rk!
I'd jam with you if i lived near and if i could play better!
I understand how you feel lonly without your music friends. during my first few weeks of sobriety i was very lonley. some days i'd just stay at home all day and not see anybody at all. i did used to post on here allot. somebody on here told me alcoholism is the loney dieases.
If i remember correctly from your other posts it's now a few days you're on the wagon. if you want to hang out with your friends you have to tell them you've quit drinking/using and you've got to be determined you won't let them influence you.
if you don't think you'll be able to hang out with them and not drink/use then i think it's best you stop seeing them for a while.
your sobriety is the most important thing, right?
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Old 10-23-2007, 04:02 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Old 10-23-2007, 05:48 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I abused alcohol for 25 years plus. two fifths of Canadian Club whiskey a day at the end. If my response was not to your liking then by all means feel free to ignore it. I have been down the same road you are going down and therefore I am not addressing a problem that I "read about" somewhere.

Sorry I hurt your feelings; I only know the hard way to get sober. If you have a gentler path or someone gives you advice more to your liking then obviously you should follow that road. I have attended too many funerals in the past several years to sugar coat what I have seen. I haven't tip toed around anything to this point and I will continue to march in the direction that has served me well to this point.

If your direction and thinking is serving you well then stay the course and ignore the cheek of the SOBs you don't care for.

In fact do what I have done more than a few times, stay sober to prove to some old curmudgeon that he is wrong!!

I will look forward to you serving me a healthy platter of crow which I will gladly eat bite by bite on your 1ST sober birthday.

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Old 10-23-2007, 06:14 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Pg 101, BB (emphasis mine)

This passage is at the end of the 12th step. The end of the 12th step.


Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!

Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.

Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.

Many of us keep liquor in our homes. We often need it to carry green recruits through a severe hangover. Some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic. But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We never argue this question. We feel that each family, in the light of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves.

We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witchburners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.

Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Drinkers will not stand for it.

After all, our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!

(Thump, Thump)
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Old 10-24-2007, 12:21 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I abused alcohol for 25 years plus. two fifths of Canadian Club whiskey a day at the end. If my response was not to your liking then by all means feel free to ignore it. I have been down the same road you are going down and therefore I am not addressing a problem that I "read about" somewhere.

Sorry I hurt your feelings; I only know the hard way to get sober. If you have a gentler path or someone gives you advice more to your liking then obviously you should follow that road. I have attended too many funerals in the past several years to sugar coat what I have seen. I haven't tip toed around anything to this point and I will continue to march in the direction that has served me well to this point.

If your direction and thinking is serving you well then stay the course and ignore the cheek of the SOBs you don't care for.

In fact do what I have done more than a few times, stay sober to prove to some old curmudgeon that he is wrong!!

I will look forward to you serving me a healthy platter of crow which I will gladly eat bite by bite on your 1ST sober birthday.

Jon
I'm sorry for lashing out Jon...

It's just that I thought you were questioning the sincerity of my efforts, almost likening them to those of a child trying to give up sweets...

Lets just be friends and work at staying sober together!!! :ghug2

Day 6 for me - trust me, each day is a minor miracle for me and I'm already feeling great for being sober at the moment which is encouragement in itself, but I'm well aware of the dangers too; I've never made it past a few weeks sober but then I've never needed medication to stave off withdrawal either!!!

I've decided it's best for me not to be around my friends at the moment, till I can figure out a strategy to cope with the fact that people do drink and do so all the time without me resorting to drinking too...

One day at a time my friend; again, my sincerest apologies for lashing out at you...

All the best,

Vincent.
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Old 10-24-2007, 12:31 AM   #20 (permalink)
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too bad you're not up here - the band from our club just lost another member (movd)

I visit with my next door neighbor quite a bit - and she drinks beer. Not crazy ike I drank vodka - but you know what I mean. It doesn't bother me a bit.

Now -
Try to put me in a BAR situation - a situation where I used and drank continually -
there'd be a problem.

Because -
*I* went to a bar for one thing and one thing only.
To get obliteratd.
Or
to go to work ... (bartender) ... and get obliterated after shift.
There at the end I was blitzed before, during and after.

I don't doubt for a second my spiritual fitness.
Today.
I know for a fact I'm an alcoholic.
I just don't see the point in pushing anything.

Nothing -
and I mean NOTHING -
comes before my recovery.

That's the only thing I keep above all others.
At all times.
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