Why Do people want to put you down
 

I was talking to a friend of mine last night at an AA meeting. This person has some time clean and he came up to me to talk to me about a situation that he has experince lately with an X. He stated that as he is working the program that his ex has tried to contact him, through friends or even by email. All that she would state that why are you going to AA, you do nothing but lie and you are still drinking. I started to laugh, sounds like an ex I had. I asked him how long has it been since you have seen her? He stated it has been a few months. He stated that it since she is out of his life that he is happier and doesnt want the games anymore. But he feels that she is still watching him. I then stated that I have the same feeling at times.

I stated to him what have you done to change your life to get rid of her? He stated that he doesnt respond to her emails and when friends come up and say things he just ignores it and moves on. I stated to him I know how it feels. I had an ex and I still feel at times that she is still out there and watching what I do. Then I joked and said hey at least she didnt throw you in jail for nonsense then come an ask to borrow money, Like mine did. We both started to laugh. I said in time these feelings will go away. I couldnt be happier with out my ex, I said to him i really thought it was all me that we didnt work and what happened to me was all my fault. After going to AA and counseling I found out that some of it was me and the rest was her. Well maybe most of it was her. I told him what I have done to stop those feelings. I changed my patterns my phone number and when I go to a store near my parents i will lap the parking lot to make sure that this person is not there, and if I notice that she is there I will just leave so i dont go to jail for garbage again. I also stated that my ex told me that she would pay me back and still has a credit card in her name under my account. Well i havent seen any money or my card. I told him that I dont expect to see any of it and that I am ok with it. Cause if you are a healthy person you would take responsibility for your actions and do the right thing. I also stated that they are both ill and not working any program, so it is not worth wasteing any energy on them and just keep working on yourself. Just as i have and i am a better and healthier person for it. Also believe in your HP and it will work its way out.

I still dont understand why when we are getting healthy they just want to us down by calling us liars and other names. can anyone shed some light on this please? and thanks for letting me get this off my chest.:praying

Focus on yourself and your own recovery. Sobriety takes a lot of work.

Don't waste your time and energy worrying about what someone else might have said about you.

Gee...if I had had a good relationship with them...
they would not be X's.
:lmao

Let go and move forward

I agree with Anna and Carol...round your shoulders and let it roll off your back!!! I am sure the other person isn't thinking about you, most rude people move on to the next victim with a quickness.......don't let him take up space in your head...rent free!!!!!!

Cathy

The human drama, the human drama.lol
The kicker is becuase you like it....otherwise you wouldn't have
lived like that for so long. And the other thing is you have a radar
out for that type of person , consiousely or sub consusiously.

So in the grand sceheme of things, to be rid of all the guilt and shame, all
the blame game, all the victim role playing, all the I'm holier than
tho now, crap.

Simply bless the person the your HP sent into your life so you can
learnd or grow from that lessons and experince. Forgiveness is
not required when you don't judge.

You know, the universe sends you lessons because you asked for it
to.

Or nothing , absolutely nothing happens by mistake in god's world
as it is writing in the AA BB.

Or if you don't like that version..there's always the step #8 and step #9
some damages or wreakages are irrepiable. If you know how it feels
to be hurted. and you know yourself to reacted in the most insane
actions when you are hurt. You simply would know under neath all
of the chaos is just a person that's hurting and just acting out.
Have some compassion and pray for that person to be happy.
Becuase if that person was happy and wasn't in pain , they wouldn't act out and leave you
alone in peace.

One thing it says in the BB is people 'drink on resentments', the steps have a lot to do with getting rid of the resentments as you will know.

Shemp, you refer often to your ex and I think you need to try to move on.
You have a massive resentment towards her IMO.

I could spend my life thinking about the past but you can't change it, or influence in any way - it's gone - move on.

I tend to agree with Stone - you need to drop the ex fixation, man.

I mean she'd need to be a member of SR to read this stuff, and...that'd be too creepy - not mention not what we're here for....

Move on Shemp - live life :)

D

instead of X...

how bout Y

good wishes shemp

Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one...

Concentrate on you and your own sobriety, she needs to get a life and let you continue with yours. Take care of yourself.

I have learned to simply keep my side of the street clean, let them throw all the trash they want, heck let them throw shoes if they want, the shoes they are throwing at me no longer fit! I am no longer the lying manipulative drunk I used to be.

I am in a bad relationship, but there are two children involved. I feel so bad for them. Be glad you do not have this problem. I would leave but for them.

Hi,
They dont know how vunerable you are at this time of your life. They dont or cant understand and there is nothing you can do about it except , be proud of yourself and stay away from negative people. Your emotions are raw and you are very sensative. Ignore those people who put you down .

Exes put exes down and who knows why. Probably because most of us are still hurt or have resentments about the relationship. Who wants to see or hear that their ex is doing great? It is sad, but I know I don't! I would be happy if I never had to hear my exes (any of them) names ever again, and if I hear they are doing good and Im not, I have a pit in my stomach. Not that it is right, and Im not proud of it, but it happens. So, my opinion is, the both of your exes are just jealous that you are trying to better your life and move on, because they obviously aren't doing so good in their own lives....

Hi Shemp,

Don't let anyone bring you to the place of self doubt...

I can relate to the painful drama you are going through...What helped me was to write a letter to the:hitwithro ex and express your feelings...Whether you are angry or sad, let it all out...This purging effect makes room for healing...

Keep posting here.

Thinking of you..

I thank you all for your advice and your support. I dont and will not allow any negativity in my life. I feel that you are angry or dislike me for some reason it not my problem and I am moveing forward. Thanks again all of you.:Val004:

I also remember in my earliy recovery, that it was a process
I went through in a simulator way. I had a lot of emotional bagage
and i was hurt myself. Getting sober ment i felt instant pain.
The reason why these issue comes up or catch my attention or
I want to talk about them is becuase deep inside i was really
hurting and it was just coming up.

It wasn't so much that I saw my ex-wife everyday. She was 1600
miles away, but i carried the hurt and love for her inside of me.
I bacailly thought about her all the time, if I wasn't wacked out
of my mind. I will go through the cycle of I miss her,then I'm angery
at her and i hate her. It bascailly drove me crazy.
I thought time would let me get over it. It never did.

I was afriad of breaking down in tears or breaking down period.
I watched a lady let it all hang out oneday in a meeting. and it was okay.
She had so much courage. Plus it kind of trigger alot of emotions
inside of..stuff that i tried to burried away.

I went home after that meeting and cried my heart out.
I finally allow myself to process all the pain and grieve for her lost.
She was the love of my life and I lost her.

I just so happened to be reading a book about forgiveness.
So I figure, i follow some insrtruction or some suggestions.
I forgave my ex-wife for everything i thought she had done wrong to me.
I pray and hope for her happiness everyday, even if it ment she
and I was no longer. That's how i got over my ex-wife.
Becuase i didn't know how to get over her before that piont.
I knew i needed to get over her..but no one gave me instructions.lol

Also during that process ,I felt a connection with something greater
than me. i felt peace in my life and being sober wasn't as painful
anymore.

It's kind of like applying the principle in all our affairs or look at the simularities.
At a certain stage of my earily recovery. I felt like i wan't to cry
for no perticular reason..i didn't know why.
Then some old timer told me...i was grieving over alcohol.lol
well....becuase alcohol and drugs was the love of my life too. That's
how I got over drugs and alcohol or stopped obsessing over it.

makesence ?

In my case - Bingo!

That's why I'm not interested in a relationship now.

I need to get rid of that radar system first!