Sudden, Deep depression?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: somewhere, SD
Posts: 177
Sudden, Deep depression?
Is this also a common symptom of new recovery?
I'm on day 19 today, almost a full 10 days longer than I've been sober for six or seven years, and 34 out of the last 38 days, which is just..unheard of in my life, and a bit ago, I was doing OK, had a good meeting with my lawyer, well, a decent one, got a great deal on payment, etc, and was looking at all the positives..she told me
"you do two things for me, don't loose it, and stay sober, and let me worry about the rest."
And then like..just BAM, all of a sudden I was laying in bed, in one of the oddest depressions I can remember. I was like "who am I kidding? Everything's going to go horrible, people are going to lie and I'm not going to be able to counter it because I can't remember jack **** from 1-1.5-2 years ago, and I'm going to end up just, well, doing something we're not supposed to talk about on here, instead of going to prison.
And it was just..so intense and deep, and sudden. I wasn't actually suicidal, not thinking "I want to do this now" or anything, just "blah, this is worst case, so of course this is what's going to happen, I'm just going to stay in bed."
I snapped myself out of it, but it kind of freaks me out.
My headshrinker thinks I've had depression along with my panic disorder/agoraphobia since highschool, which a heapload of my friends killed themselves, topping a generally really cruddy school experiance.
So...I know problems we self medicate with alcohol don't go away once we get sober, but..I don't know, could it be that it's been so long, like 7+ years, since I've felt it/dealt with it without being sober, that my mind isn't USED to trying to deal with it 'normally' ?
I just dunno wtf. :\
I'm on day 19 today, almost a full 10 days longer than I've been sober for six or seven years, and 34 out of the last 38 days, which is just..unheard of in my life, and a bit ago, I was doing OK, had a good meeting with my lawyer, well, a decent one, got a great deal on payment, etc, and was looking at all the positives..she told me
"you do two things for me, don't loose it, and stay sober, and let me worry about the rest."
And then like..just BAM, all of a sudden I was laying in bed, in one of the oddest depressions I can remember. I was like "who am I kidding? Everything's going to go horrible, people are going to lie and I'm not going to be able to counter it because I can't remember jack **** from 1-1.5-2 years ago, and I'm going to end up just, well, doing something we're not supposed to talk about on here, instead of going to prison.
And it was just..so intense and deep, and sudden. I wasn't actually suicidal, not thinking "I want to do this now" or anything, just "blah, this is worst case, so of course this is what's going to happen, I'm just going to stay in bed."
I snapped myself out of it, but it kind of freaks me out.
My headshrinker thinks I've had depression along with my panic disorder/agoraphobia since highschool, which a heapload of my friends killed themselves, topping a generally really cruddy school experiance.
So...I know problems we self medicate with alcohol don't go away once we get sober, but..I don't know, could it be that it's been so long, like 7+ years, since I've felt it/dealt with it without being sober, that my mind isn't USED to trying to deal with it 'normally' ?
I just dunno wtf. :\
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Yes, it could be that you're still getting used to dealing with the ups and downs and complexities of life with benefit of alcohol. For me, it was like learning to live all over again. I know that for me the depression came long before the drinking. And, the drinking was to self-medicate. So, I had to get the depression under control before the sobriety worked. Without the medication for depression, I just didn't care enough to be motivated to be sober. Or it could be that your depression will lift as your sobriety continues.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: somewhere, SD
Posts: 177
I hope so.
I guess it could be a combination of all those things, because I do have a fair amount
of stress going on for the near future right now.
And I've heard people at AA and group talking about how even years into their recovery they were still discovering new things and realizing things about their addict selves, and seeing things in new and better ways.
I guess it could be a combination of all those things, because I do have a fair amount
of stress going on for the near future right now.
And I've heard people at AA and group talking about how even years into their recovery they were still discovering new things and realizing things about their addict selves, and seeing things in new and better ways.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 984
All Iknow is that when I was sober for like 4 months I went through a deep depression and Just went to more meetings and hung around more and more sober people. Then I quit and the rest is history. I have never, though, been as depressed as I have been since mom died last week and I want more than anything to just go drink myself into oblivion but I know that I'll forget to be depressed and when the drink wears off it'll be 10 times worst.
I have to allow myself to be depressed now because if I wait to deal with it until later, well.... I'm afraid I won't be able to.
I have to allow myself to be depressed now because if I wait to deal with it until later, well.... I'm afraid I won't be able to.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Anodyne -
I think it's a combination, too - and maybe remember to keep an inner eye tuned to blood sugar and regular eating times, all that health stuff.
It takes the body a good long time to get rid of everything ... if it ever does.
Meanwhile, the disease just ... waits.
All that 'who are you kidding? you're n good' stuff .... is disease talk. or 'stinking thinking'. while it often has a physical aspect ... to cope with these onsets from more than one vantage point makes the times shorter and shorter.
wow. that was knda rambly. hope it makes sense.
I think it's a combination, too - and maybe remember to keep an inner eye tuned to blood sugar and regular eating times, all that health stuff.
It takes the body a good long time to get rid of everything ... if it ever does.
Meanwhile, the disease just ... waits.
All that 'who are you kidding? you're n good' stuff .... is disease talk. or 'stinking thinking'. while it often has a physical aspect ... to cope with these onsets from more than one vantage point makes the times shorter and shorter.
wow. that was knda rambly. hope it makes sense.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi Ano, I posted about something similar here http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ths-sober.html
It is scary how sudden it comes on isnt it?
It is scary how sudden it comes on isnt it?
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Early recovery is a bitch.
As far as feelings. Well, they're just that. Feelings. Don't worry about why you're having them, just let them wash over you , and they'll pass eventually.
I get random thoughts and feelings all the time. There seems to be no reason. My sponosr seems to think it has something to do with solar flairs, or the price of oil.
(That is, there is no definitive reason, it just is)
I don't know what your legal problems are, but face them and be honest, and take whatever sentance they give you. It's not like you have a choice, or can realistically change the outcome any by worrying about it. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever donesn't, doesn't.
Hang in there. It gets better.
As far as feelings. Well, they're just that. Feelings. Don't worry about why you're having them, just let them wash over you , and they'll pass eventually.
I get random thoughts and feelings all the time. There seems to be no reason. My sponosr seems to think it has something to do with solar flairs, or the price of oil.
(That is, there is no definitive reason, it just is)
I don't know what your legal problems are, but face them and be honest, and take whatever sentance they give you. It's not like you have a choice, or can realistically change the outcome any by worrying about it. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever donesn't, doesn't.
Hang in there. It gets better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: somewhere, SD
Posts: 177
Thanks for the link on PAWs 
Sounds definately like what I am dealing with (and a lot of you probably have, too).
Thank you everyone for the support..20 days today, double my longest sober run in the last 6-7 years.
As far as the legal stuff, well, it could definately be worse. A guy I went to highschool with just got arrested recently for threatening five police officers with a loaded shotgun while the person was drunk. I thank God I never did anything like that.
Sounds definately like what I am dealing with (and a lot of you probably have, too).
Thank you everyone for the support..20 days today, double my longest sober run in the last 6-7 years.
As far as the legal stuff, well, it could definately be worse. A guy I went to highschool with just got arrested recently for threatening five police officers with a loaded shotgun while the person was drunk. I thank God I never did anything like that.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 1,733
Well done on your sober time Anodyne,i feel that alcohol is a depressant,but through the highs and then the run down lows it's hard to see that properly until you have a period without.The problem with initially being sober is that you can't ignore issues because you are not taking substances which affect your mind.I think normality comes in time but you will have bad days.Tackle them any which way you can and try and be positive.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: brandon man, canada
Posts: 258
Life is'nt easy i have been there to dear and by the grace of god the depression does go away sometimes it jest takes time for us to realize what we have and how far we have come from where we were and being sober is never a easy thing to do at times with the way we alcoholics think and the excuses we sometimes use to go bach out there and drink.I'm going to be sober 3 yrs and i still have my ups and downs and it jest shows me that i'm human and no different from anyone else.Goodluck and keep posting, one day at a time...
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