please respond! Here is the story I read that hit me so hard:
Here is her story:
12-15-2003, 12:15 AM
I was 15(Iam now 35yrs old) when I met my husband. Married him when I turned 16. Started using (meth) shortly after we married. HE is a non-user. Never did get into drugs. At 22 yrs old, found out I was pregnant, and stopped cold turkey for 11 months. Looking back I can not believe it was so easy to just quit!! I had been useing for 6 yrs straight and I just stopped! No problem! Had a beautiful girl, who just turned 13 this month. 2 months after having her I started Meth again! Now........ My husband NEVER knew..........He NEVER knew I was using drugs! All these years I kept it from him and my mom and sister and his family. It has been hell....and I just got sick of it. So about 6 months ago........I told him! I told him that I have been using meth for 16 years (except 11 months for my baby) This poor man..I have hurt him so much. He always thought I was out screwing around ...having fun...partying...but really I was only trying to find dope. Anyway I snorted for 12 years...smoked it for 4 years... and now yep, I swore I would never slam it but that is exactly what I am doing. My husband is the most honest,caring,wonderful person. He owns his own backhoe business,awesome father,and he loves me so much. and all I have done is hurt him. I never meant to. This Meth is unbelieveable!!! I had not realized what it has done to me,to my life, untill I told him about it. All he wants to do is HELP me. But I dont want him to and dont know why!! The day after I told him he went and bought some "detox" powder drink stuff and a bunch of vitiamins for me. He really thought I could just quit, and a couple weeks later I'd be fine. Well that did not happen!! And I dont know how to even start! He got me an appointment with a drug counsler for $85 bucks and hour. I went...............You know what she said!?? "I can't help you Joy. You will need to go to a detox and treatment center somewhere out of town for at least 3 to 6 months." She said I am a cronic user and I need alot of help! Well If you seen me I dont look like a drug user at all. I dont see my "drug friends" (so called) unless I am getting some. I know what this s*%~ does to people because all these years I have seen it. I take care of my daughter,my home,I have a job,take care of myself ect, so I am not like these other drug users!! WRONG! I have realized I am no better! I hate myself and dont know how I will ever forgive myself for all these yrs of drug use. I just dont know where to start. Alot of people have said look to GOD for help. Well I grew up with all that ...My dad is a preacher,has his own church and I could never seem to get into all what he tried to teach me about the lord. Well mom and dad divorced after 28 yrs and he stopped wanting me around for some reason. Thats history. But I am tring to read this little "cowgirl bible" my husband bought me for my purse. What I need help with is WANTING to quit. I mean I do want to quit I want it out of my life and body, But I guess I dont know how I will cope without it!! Is it really possible???????? How in the heck do you do it!! I am tired of making sure EVERYDAY I have some to get high with. Actually I dont get "high" I just .... well ....need it to get up and do what I do everyday. Crazy!!! I'm wondering if ANYONE will make it this far in my story!?? I could go on and on...
I dont know.........My husband is now to the point of maybe leaving me. I just cant help him understand! I dont know what to do! He is in so much pain. We have kept this from my daughter. But I am sure she will find out eventually. Thats going to be unbarable! Its been so long It's hard to write about it without using 500 pages!I am just............needing someone to tell me something. I dont know how to fix any of this. You all probabley think I am a nut case. Wew! If anyone got this far.. I thank you! I really have NEVER said all this to anyone!!! I hope I can find a way to help myself. I love my family so much. thank-you