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I'm ALWAYS near alcohol!

Old 10-18-2007, 05:43 PM
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I'm ALWAYS near alcohol!

By day, I'm a mild mannered corporate geek. By night, I'm a part-time musician on the pub/club circuit. I also design websites and print ads for bands, bars & special events, and have to frequently be onsite to make sure the right photos are taken, etc.

Soooo... see the problem?

I'm doing some serious soul-searching here. I'd like to think I'm strong, and that I can stay sober while operating in bars and clubs as per usual. My saner voice is shouting "Are you out of your FREAKING MIND?????"

I never realized that when I quit drinking, I might just have to redesign my whole life. Wow.

The other thing that's tough is that my whole perspective has changed. I look at the pub "regulars", and I don't see the friendly party crowd I used to see. Now I see I lot of people who have drinking problems of their own. I don't mean this in a judgmental way. I'm not trying to work someone else's program, or ignore my own problems. I just mean that the rose-colored glasses are off, and instead of a nonstop party I see the serious downside of alcohol. The "big dog" who has had his second heart attack. The barfly who gets so drunk that she walks home on dangerous streets, or leaves with a man she barely knows. On and on. Not that everyone in a bar is an alcoholic. But most of the "regular crew" at these places have at least had some serious alcohol-related issues, be it health, legal, romantic, etc.

My job has always been to promote the happy camradarie of the bar scene. To crack jokes about drunken nights from stage during my performances, or to snap pictures of the happy partiers for the club's website for my freelance design gig. Now I just see the dark side, and it's making it hard - if not impossible - for me to do my job. Roll into that the precarious state of my own sobriety, and I think I may be in for a major life change.

Hmmm.

Brenda
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:03 PM
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Hi Wylie,

I think what you are saying is that you're seeing everything in your life differently now that you're sober. That's how I felt too. It was a whole new way of looking at things. And, I did make big changes in my life when I stopped drinking too. I removed several toxic people, including some family members, from my life. I know for sure that I could not have survived in the environment you are describing. It would have exhausted me and I wouldn't have made it.
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:07 PM
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Certainly a lot to think about, you're right, Brenda.

Are you able to support yourself with your corporate job alone, or do you rely on the gigs and web design to stay afloat? Is there something else you can do part-time to assist you financially? Just thinking out loud here.

I'm glad you're thinking hard about this stuff. Keep posting, let us know what's happening. You can do this.
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:20 PM
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Yes Brenda...
It's a good thing you are multi talented.

I just read this today...

You have to put sobriety first
in order for it to last"

Glad to see you are moving forward
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:25 PM
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hey brenda - i am in a somewhat similar situation. i work in the film biz and am constantly surrounded by booze. luckily (kind of) i got laid off and the binder i went on after that is what opened my eyes to the fact i need to be sober. so ive been able to distance myself during my detox and the start of my recovery. im at that crossroads where i don't know if i should go back to it and surround myself with all that again. i think i am strong enough to deal with it but why should i put the temptation in front of me. all of my friends are in the industry as well and i am not about to get rid of all my friends. and its also the only business i have ever wanted to work in so i don't know what else i would do. but sitting at home all day working on side projects gets real old!!!! so i can definitely undestand what you are going through in a way. thanks for letting me vent!!

Josh
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Old 10-18-2007, 08:15 PM
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Starting at the bottom of PG100, it says that if an Alcoholic is Spiritually Fit we can do things an Alcoholic shouldn't be able to do. It lists a few situations and on PG101, it says that if we cannot meet these conditions we are still of the Alcoholic Mind and there is something the matter with our Spiritual Status. It suggests trying to avoid circumstances where possible as well. I try to live by the book but also do not allow myself to be lead into temptation. It's nice to know that I can deal with it when it happens. The answer depends on your determination and will power. Some are blessed with more will power than others and I don't know your personal tolerance limits so I can't help with your dilema. I do wish you well in your decision however.
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Old 10-19-2007, 05:31 AM
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Hi Brenda
I know exactly what you mean about seeing others drinking habits in a new light. Since I gave up its like a veil has dropped away. Suddenly I can see that I am literally surrounded by people with potential drinking problems. its quite shocking actually.

Oct
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Old 10-19-2007, 07:11 AM
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Hi Brenda,

When you realize just how sick you were, blackouts, mysterious injuries, the got to have MORE poison cravings, losing the will to LIVE, and so much more, you begin to see light, hope of a life without alcohol...

I have been to the dark side and I am grateful today to be living life...:ghug
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Old 10-19-2007, 07:18 AM
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Hi Brenda yes how different our lives are without drink/drugs it's like you had bad eyesight and suddenly got the right prescription so you can see. I found friends looked differently and weren't the fun I thought they were, not all of them though I have some good friends who understand and congratulate me on my strength!!! a few years ago that would have been a joke. Keep posting and keep on keeping on it rocks.
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Old 10-19-2007, 08:02 AM
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Brenda I know where you are coming from, I am thankful I have reached the point mentioned in the book Alcoholics Anonymous where it says:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
I know people in the rooms today who have 20+ years sober and still will not go around others drinking, I have no problem with it, that does not mean I am any better then them, just that the miracle happened for an old drunk.

Sobriety is a 2 edged sword I have found, today I bask in the pleasure and joy of my own sobriety, yet my sobriety has allowed me to see what alcohol has done to others far more clearly then when I was still drinking, today I am able to see it is not just the old wino or bum that this disease is killing, but also hard working men and women, I see it in my brother in law today, I drank with him for years and never was able to see where Jim Barleycorn was taking him nor was I able to see the pain his drinking brings to his wife as she see's him slipping slowly away. My heart aches for her when she has asked me what to do to help him and all I can really do until he is ready is stay sober myself and tell her to go to Alanon and learn how to save herself from his alcoholism.
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Old 10-19-2007, 09:35 AM
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There's also a passage in the Big Book or 12 x 12 about moving to Greenland and an Eskimo....
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