wiscgirl30

Well, if any of you have been reading my other 2 threads, I must have had a big misunderstanding. Ugh. I feel so dumb because I led ppl to believe something horrible happened to me when really it didn't (though I truly thought it did).

I have learned that I hallucinate at times when I am drunk and think things that aren't true. I even see people that aren't there. So - I guess that is what I did somewhat the other night.

ANYWAY, thanks for all your concerns and in the end I guess it is true that something bad DID happen to me, just like it always does when I drink and it was enough to make me really want to quit.

Day three always feels really good to me. I finally am over my first 2 days of feeling tired and hung over. I have had a chance to sort things out and make a plan. This time will be different though. I really have the plan to quit drinking for good, I am still going to the AA meeting tomorrow at 11 a.m., and am still going to my alcohol counselor on Monday at 3. And Im still coming to this site, if that is okay with all of you.......

E

gypsytears

Good for you!!! Stick around, why would anyone say otherwise? Do keep your appointment and those meetings... you'll be feeling even better soon wiscgirl.

Tazman53

Hon that sounds like the perfect plan, keep an open mind and be willing to follow suggestions and I promise you that things will get better if you stick with your plan.

I will just add one thing to perfect the plan, just do it one day at a time, quitting for good is a real big pill to swallow, one day at a time is easier.

I just do not drink today, knowing that if I want to I can always drink tomorrow.

Missymae737

Sending you much support...

You can do this!!:ghug2

parentrecovers

well, i am just dying to hear how that meeting goes tomorrow...

Rowan

Sounds like you've got a great plan, wiscgirl - I'm really proud of you.

Keep coming back! We need you here! :ghug

indigo

Take care of yourself and please keep posting.

dave47

Best wishes with your plans Wiscgirl,and i'm glad you are trying to sort things out.Thank you to yourself and others,your struggles give me inspiration and strength.

calfritch

hey wiscgirl - im glad you are going to make the meeting and your counselor and do like Taz said and do it one day at a time. once i started doing that and stopped thinking a week down the road i felt much better and a lot of anxiety went away. today is 16 days for me and even though it is a slow process, and kind of a bear, it gets easier. i started playing hockey again and that helped me so much!!

wiscgirl30

Yea.... day 3 is also the day where you start feeling better and start thinking...oh Jeez, what was all the fuss about? Maybe I can still drink.... Those are my thoughts right at the moment... yet Im NOT going to. I CANT. Not today.

CarolD

Yes... you too can recover.

Anodyne

Hah, I did that a LOT.

After a couple three or four days sober, I'd be like "Eeeh, nothing THAT bad happened, I can go ahead and drink, I'll just control it better this time, I don't NEED to quit, well, I probably should, but eff that, I want to be NORMAL. I want to go drink and have fun like everyone else."

But..how much 'fun' did I really ever have? At first, sure, quite a bit..like back in highschool and shortly after turning 21. But..then what?
Many more bad days than good days. Many more days when I wasn't in my right mind, "wasn't me" at all.

Many times of deciding "that's it, I'm quitting" only to do that same thing in my head you're doing now.

My old boss took me to an AA meeting. Oh I cried a bit, all these people knew what I was going through, I was going to come back...two days sober after that "eh, I don't need to be there, I'm fine. I don't belong there."

And even last month when I started going, I put it off. Put it off. "I'll go sunday, wait no wedensday, wait no friday"..but once I finally went, after a few weeks sober, I really, really liked it. Now I go even when my rehab class doesn't go as a group. I look forward to it, when I used to be uncomfortable and nervous and telling myself "I can still be 'normal' "

But a LOT of the stuff I did when I was drinking was so far from normal..it's how I ended up alone, with no friends, no significant other, empty, lonely, more depressed than ever. Stupid, irresponsible, sometimes raging, sometimes suicidal, sometimes just completely blacked out, no idea what I'd done.

And I wanted to be 'normal' like that? *shakes head*

I really hope you go in the morning, and that you keep going, even if the first few are awkward or uncomfortable or scarey or 'dumb.'

Thoughts like that are usually slick..your addiction, manipulating your mind to give you reasons, excuses, and rationalizations to go back to drinking. The addiction doesn't care if you die, if you get in a wreck, if you kill someone else, if you go to jail. It only cares about RIGHT NOW and how to get you to take that next drink.

Stick it out, it's amazingly worth it, and amazing how many people who don't even know you who you will find actually CARE about you.

Good luck!

calfritch

wiscgirl - i still think like that, i tell myself 'oh i was able to make it 2 weeeks, maybe if i just drink once a week i'll be ok and in control' - hopefully i never act on that.

wiscgirl30

Me too!

rloomer

How's wisconsin.

Cold as heck here today