Anodyne

So I'm still horrendously new to recovery..18 days sober today, 32 days out of the last 35 or 36 (had two weeks sober, had a really really stressful day, listened to 'slick' - the voice that comes up with the 1 million and 1 reasons to drink today in your head, and said "ef it"..was going to keep it up, but on the morning of the 3rd or 4th day, called my councelor instead of going to the store like I had planned, told him exactly what was going on, and got back on track instead of sliding further down the funnel), and I noticed tonight at outpatient that my thoughts can still turn negative extremely fast.

The councelor said he needed to talk to me about a couple things, and immediately I was filled with dread and thinking "what did I do when I was drunk that I'm going to get in trouble/kicked out of rehab for?"

Even when I realized that I hadn't even had a drink in almost 20 days, and thus hadn't done anything, I was still anxious as all get out until (about five minutes later) he said ok come in, and I just needed to sign one paper and a release for Voc Rehab.

Did/does anyone else notice thought trends like this early on in their recovery?

Hope

That is how I was. I still have problems with that. Easily anxious over stuff and anticipating the worst. It has gotten better though. I had to try to offset my negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I had to force myself to do that at first and it has progressively gotten easier.

Sometimes I really get overwhelmed with negative thoughts that something bad is going to happen but I think it's because we live our lives numbed for so long and all we got from that lifestyle is negative consequences. When we get sober and life is 'different' for us, it takes a while to adjust to.

Hang in there and ride it out. The ride will get smoother.

Anodyne

Thanks, Hope.
It may sound sappy or oversaid or overeager, but the world/life already looks different than it did a month and a half ago.

I lost my job, the police are thinking of bringing charges against me for something
people are saying I did a year or so ago when I was drunk, and while all that weighs on my mind, I still see more 'good' things in the world, and opportunities, than I have in...years, literally.

And I'm still happy with myself every day that I don't quit.
My councelor says that it takes a lot more than changing your mind, or making your mind up (which is true, because for the last couple years I've 'made my mind up' probably 50-100 times to quit drinking), but that you have to actually spend quite a good bit of time changing how your brain itself reacts to things.

It's a long processes, a never ending one maybe, but I'm in it to win it....and by it I mean my life back

SaTiT

yes, and i still get them from time to time. But I don't pay attention to
it or i don't run with it anymore. On a good day I'll try not to anywho.lol

Take control over your mind or it'll take control over you.
I think that's why a spiritual program helps me greatly becuase
I think too damn much. I get really caught up in my thinking sometimes.
And my mind really wants to complicate things more than they are.
Plus my brain became dependent on chemicals from external source
and the internal source.

So when people say "get out of yourself". For me, basiacally it means to get
out of my mind. Praticing living oneday at time helps me slows down
my mind. My head was always in yesterday or wondering and worring
whats going to happen tommorrow. So bascailly I actaully never really
living in the moment. I lived in my head. To Be in the moment is like
total blizt. Why ? I'm actaully living and experincing life and not what
my mind thinks.

I'm the master(my spirit)...not my brain. My brain is just another
body part, not more or less than my lungs. My brain can't servive
withour my lungs...usually it dosn't think so.lol

Another great tool is a gratitude list. The process helps me change
my negative attitudes.

If I focus on what i don't have and what others have.
if I focus on what I should have....I'll get mierable really quick.

Congrats on your 32 days..that's a lot.

Rowan

I attend relapse prevention therapy, and the doc who runs it has been talking to the group about ANTS or automatic negative thoughts. They are very common. For me, it takes a great deal of effort to recognize them - and then to intervene. But - it's getting easier to do. Just thought I'd share that.

On~Fire

Wow, i put myself through that storm alot. All the things i had done had always been troublesome. Therefore i expected trouble. But today if someone was to say to me. We need to talk. I would look it head on. Only because of my relapse did i realize that my attitude is what was keeping me drinking. Of course there are alot of other issues to be dealt with. That is just the one on the surface that i need to face daily. In order for me to stay sober i have to remain optimistic about everything even if each situation isnt going to work out in my favor. Thanks for posting that thread.

Anna

Those kinds of thoughts were very common with me too. I had been accepting negative thoughts all of my life and it was, and still is sometimes, really hard to stop. The thing is I know that I can't indulge in those thoughts. I know they will take me on a downward spiral. I've heard that every time you have a negative thought, you should follow it will two positive thoughts.

On~Fire

[QUOTE=SaTiT;1532756]Take control over your mind or it'll take control over you.
I think that's why a spiritual program helps me greatly becuase
I think too damn much. I get really caught up in my thinking sometimes.
And my mind really wants to complicate things more than they are.
Plus my brain became dependent on chemicals from external source
and the internal source.

Ive heard it said that knowledge is power in the stock market. Knowledge is power in business. But knowledge can kill you in AA. Its more about hands on experience. Not my words just something a very active and powerful member of AA said that I believe to be true for me. I can think way to hard on something and sometimes, alot of times i think so hard on things that it loses all value to me and just becomes another fact instead of an actual experience in my life.

Tazman53

Anodyne automatic negative thoughts is a part of this alcoholics thinking and to be honest I have never heard an alcoholic say that they were not the same way. In AA I have learned to quit "Projecting" outcomes mainly because I always put a negative outcome to almost everything before it even happens. I have learned to simply turn the outcome over to my HP and it will turn out okay. My part is just to do at the time what my HP leads me to do.

I am so much better now at not being totally negative, especially about outcomes. Thanks to AA I have changed from a very negative person to one who just does the next right thing trusting that the outcome will be the one good for all.

I still do for some things have total negativity pop up initially, but have learned to deal with those thoughts very well, especially knowing that I am not alone, there are others to lean on for knowledge, I am no longer alone!

SaTiT

It was like a process of a slow awakening or awarness for me.
Sometimes when I go to meetings, I'm reminded that AA is a actions
and all the slongen and tools people was trying to pass on to me.
and even step#3 itself...stories about 3 frogs making decisions and stuff like
that.

Bascailly i can make decisions or play sernarios all day long in my head,
if I don't take actions nothing is going to change.
Even if I did have posistive thoughts or ideas.

So I ponder about it for a while. Then the same must apply even if I did
have negative thoughts even as low or as dark as commiting suicide and
stuff like that. Nothing would happen if i don't take actions.

So as time gose by, I've learned to love myself and there's that basic
survival instink in me. All the cells or living orgins in me is alive and wants
to stay live, that's the basic law of nature. But for some damn reason
my brain whats to kill it. The AA BB simply put it was basic instink gone
hay wires.

But there was message being expressed to me...stop fighting , acceptence..ect.
I bascially allow myself to process those thoughts or just allow them to
go through me. i bascailly embrace them. Slowly I got tire of those thoughts
and feelings. As in my depression..the attacks gets fewer and further apart.
Slowly I learned to let go of them and not run with with them. i wasn't perfect
at it, but i catch myself faster and faster each time. I recognized them.

So bascailly the same principle applies from me not picking up a drink.
Today I also chose not to pick up negative thoguhts.
There's liquar stores and bars everywhere , it's all around me.
There going to be negative thoughts that'll enter my mind.
i simply chose not to pick it up or don't go there.
See...how simple that is.

Anodyne

I know what AA is, but what's AA BB?

And The Next Right Thing..that's something I heard right from the start of treatment, and something I'm trying to do. It actually feels kind of..good, and often times has had surprising results. Already.

Even today, my first meeting with my lawyer, I was sooo anxious about going, wanted to just go back to sleep and ignore everything...but that's what I was using alcohol for all these years, to forget problems, and all it did was make it worse.

Turns out, my lawyer has been to the SAME intensive outpatient rehab I am in, with the same guy running it. I got some good advice there, was told "The two most important things for you to do right now are not loose your mind, and STAY SOBER. Keep with ****'s program, he really knows what he's doing, stay in and and stay hard at it, keep going to AA, and you let ME worry about this other stuff, that's what you're paying me for.

And speaking of that... BAM a ray of sunshine came in, "By the way, aside from the retainer, I charge $175/hr. (she knows I just lost my job) BUT, the company that installed my server, computers, and LAN made such a mess of everything, I am going to pay YOU $175/hr to fix it.

:O Boggle!

I'm trying to train my mind/brain to see that when you're sober, and working the programs, and MEAN it, that there can be a good side in EVERYTHING, well, minus like being brutally murdered etc. Like, my main worry is the legal problems, but instead of thinking how horrible and end of life blah blah, downward spiral, negative outcomes, I'm trying to look at plusses, even in worst case scenarios, there can be good, if I focus on staying sober, learning, and growing.

But yeah, sometimes it's quite hard not to strangle myself with my own mind