Dilemma - not sure what to do
 

Hi Friends!
I've been invited to the baptism my cousins having on Sunday for his twins.
I used to hang out with my cousin when we were teenagers, smoking joints and all that :lol:. But nowadays I don't see much of him anymore and in fact the last time I saw him was two years ago at his wedding. I kind of get tthe vide he doesn't want to hang out with me (but of course, who would want to hang out with an alcoholic!).
However he's invited me to this baptism he's holding this weekend. The thing is I don't know if I should go or not. The truth is I'm embaressed in front of him and his friends and family about my alcoholism (or more so the antics I performed when I'd been drinking) because they all know what a problem I am when I drink.
I'm also a bit scared that it might be a boring day and I won't know anybody to talk to, so I'm a bit affraid of being stuck with my dad and grandfarther :skillet at the meal.
What do you think? To go or not to go, this is the problem...

is there going to be drinking at the party? it's good to be involved in family, i think. as long as you're not drinking or using now, the past is the past..

hugs, k

Are you still drinking?

If you are not drinking, then go, hold your sober head high! I can assure you that he did not invite you because he did not want you there, he may actually miss you and want you there.

ParentRecovers; Tazman; thanks for your advice.
no I'm not drinking. It's almost a month I'm on the wagon now :)
I think it will just be like a ceremony in church then everybody's going to a restraunt for a meal. Of course there will be alcohol at the restraunt but it's not the drinking that's worrying me, it's more of a social preoccupation I have.
Still, the restraunt they'll be going to is local so, if I were to go, in the worst case hypothesis, if I were to feel uncomfortable I guess I could always go home.

Aldo,

This is your cousin's twins babtisim day. This isn't about YOU being comfortable or NOT being bored. It is about showing that since you aren't drinking you are a BETTER person than the one who is a "drunken problem."

Just might be a chance for you to prove to yourself that you have a really great and UNSELFISH fellow hidden deep down inside. Go and be the best person you can be and you will be proud of who you are becoming.

Jon

If you do go out to a resturant, when the wait person asks if anyone would like something to drink before ordering, speak right up and order a root beer or something non-alcoholic. This will establish confidence with your family that your not drinking. Also, you'll have something you will enjoy that's non-alcoholic, which for me makes not wanting an alcoholic drink easier.

Go and have fun. Families, generally, are supportive of each others successes.

I agree with everybody. The only concern is if you would be tempted to drink being in that sort of environment. Your sobriety is new but also it would be a time you could make some amends by showing who you are now without drinking. :Val004:

I agree the past is the past but also some people don't forget. I would want to see the twins baptised and be with family. :ghug

kelsh

One of the things I learned when I began in recovery was to stop doing things because I 'should'. I have tried to take that word out of my life as much as possible. Do you want to go and would it be a good environment for a newly sober person?

i like the idea of being able to leave if it gets uncomfortable. it's always good to plan an exit strategy :)

good luck if you go! k

Hi Aldo,

I totally agree with what Anna said , being sober, you now CAN choose where you go and what you do. I did not have that choice when I was drinking, and was the biggest people pleaser known to man ! :)

Having said that, if you feel that you should go, remember that you can leave at any point, or just go to the Church and not the restraunt . I had a similar dilemma when I was very newly sober, and I made sure that I took a couple of phone numbers with me, of AA friends, I also arranged for my Sponser to ring me on my mobile, in case I needed an "escape".

The choice is yours , but i consider my Sobriety my most precious asset, and will not risk it for anyone, or anything

Good Luck

HUGX
Leigh

I'm divided on this.

Yes, your sobriety should come first. BUT, it's not all about you 'ya know. If your presence is important to your cousins, than by all means, go. If not, just beg out courteously.

I agree with having an escape plan. Search around, there's lots of threads about attending drinking events while in recovery.

If you want to, and feel strong enough you should go,let them see a new you.Let them see the drunken behaviour is in the past and enjoy being with your family.If you have any doubts when there,then do what you think is right protect yourself.If you don't want to go then don't.

If drinking is a problem... don't go to the dinner after.
If you were not wanted there by him...you would not have been invited.
As for social skills needed... Just smile and say thank you alot *LOL*
Ok really... to get through any function... remember that it isn't about you so ask others...So what is new with you? What are you doing these days? By making it be about others, you will learn a lot about others and the time will fly by fast. Ask them their opinion or how they are doing and let them do all the talking.

Some might call it isolating, some might call it taking the easier softer option..,but early in my sobriety (I'm talking first couple of months, you are very early on, less than a month this time is PRECIOUS AND SO IMPORTANT) I would go nowhere and do nothing that put my sobriety at risk. Nothing.

I'm with Best on this one.

Go to the service, skip the dinner.

Our relatives can mash our buttons like no-one else on the planet.

I would also have a meeting planned and go as soon as you can.

These things have been difficult for me.

But I think I'm more of a faliure, rather then a success, in my families eyes.
My sister and all my cousins have all been to, and finished, uni. And now they've all got really good jobs.
I didn't do any of that. Actually, I don't even have a job! :(

I think the enviroment should be ok. I don't find it too difficult to be around people drinking and alcohol when I'm not drinking myself.
Yea, I guess I do kinda want to go. I'm just a bit self-concious of what people think of me, given that some of my crazy alcohol influenced antics are known to them.

This isn't about my sobriety. It's about my self esteem, I guess.

I was sober for 6 and half years before I fell off the wagon. How could anybody ever trust me again?!

Hi Friends!
Well I had decided on only going to the cermony in church, so I did that. Then my grandfarther convinced me to go with the to the restraunt. So I did!
It wasn't fun. But I've got to admit it was't as bad as I was fearing.
3 or 4 people even asked me if I was on the wagon :) The waitors offered me drinks but I was able to decline without any problems.
So I'd just like to thank you for helping me make my mind up.

I am so glad all went well!

hey aldo - i'm glad it went ok!! keep it up!!

Glad you came home sober!
:hug: