Jersey Nonny

...are just a lot of empty words, if I don't use them when I need to.

I'm trying to work through some anger and frustration over my younger son's latest screw-up. He doesn't do heroin anymore...so, he thinks he deserves a pat on the back because he's just drinking and smoking pot. Except that he's in court right now for being caught with enough to send him away again...could be as little as 30 days, or as long as 6 months, plus a big fine...you'd think being away for four years (the last time) would have taught him a lesson.

He's been to detox, rehabs, half-way houses, city jail, county jail, state prison...even tried AA a couple of times, but "all those stories about drinking" only made him want to drink!!! Was he even listening? His attitude is, "I'm happy for you, Mom; but, it's not for me." Whoever said, "Some are sicker, and some are thicker than others" must have had my son, Scott, in mind.

I have three children...all alcoholics/addicts...two are in recovery...so, I know there's hope for their brother, and I'm truly grateful for the two out of three. I guess I'm just feeling weary and anxious until I hear the outcome of his sentencing. I know there's not a darned thing I can do about it, and I have to Let Go and Let God. Yet there are times (like today), when I feel a bit of a fraud...doling out advice and suggestions to the newcomers, but allowing myself to get bent out of shape when that old $hit hits the fan. Although drinking never crosses my mind, I must confess I made a trip to the vending machine and bought a bag of Fritos and a bag of peanut M&M's with which I'm feeding my anxiety.

There's a website that has 408 AA catch-phrases and slogans...this one seemed appropriate:

Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.

(God grant me serenity...)

wylielass

As a newbie here, I for one appreciate all your support. And of course you get bent out of shape when the $hit hits the fan. You're human, right? If all I met here were blessedly serene people who took everything in stride, I'd have run away day one! It's seeing people survive and thrive despite the crap that gives me hope.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son.

Jersey Nonny

Thanks for the kind words, support, and prayers.

Just heard from his girl that it's been postponed until next month...hurry up and wait...the courts are notorious for jerking people around. I left a message, "Tell him I love him, and my best advice would be to get to some NA/AA meetings so you can go in and tell the judge you're trying to turn your life around." I'd like to see him go to some meetings, even if its temporary. Who knows...he might just hear something that would bring him to his senses!

GlassPrisoner

What, just because you're in the program means you can't be concerened or frustrated about your son ?

You sound human to me Jersey. And every normal human being I know of, in OR out of recovery, would probably feel the same way.


(((Jersey)))

Justme57

Hi Jersey Nonny

Unfortunately , he may not be ready , even yet , but I am sure you know that, I am so glad that you have the tried and true slogans to hang onto, where would we be without them?

I consider them a Blessing in my recovery, I was so relieved when I realised that they "sprang to mind" when I needed them.

prayers for you and your son

Thinking of you

HUGX
Leigh

Jerzy007

Hang in there Jersey Nonny..:praying

Jersey Nonny

For sure...sometimes by my fingernails!

Jomey

Dear Jersey - My prayers are with you and your family. A priest friend of mine gave me a little sign that says "Sometimes God calms the storm. Sometimes, He lets the storm rage and calms His child." (maybe this is on your AA list of slogans?) Anyway, just wanted to share that little slogan with you....the storm of addiction may be raging within your son, but God will calm you and eventually, your son as well. Thinking of that helps me sometimes when I feel out of synch - hope it helps you too. Hugs

Jersey Nonny

Indeed it does, Jomey...thanks so much. That's a new one for me, but worth remembering.

CarolD

(((Rae)))
Prayers for Scott's recovery.

Justme57

OH! is JN Rae ?

Hi Rae

HUGX
Leigh

parentrecovers

i guess we never quit worrying about our kids. hugs to you, k

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Jersey,

sneakers

I don't know what you are going through with your son because I don't have children but I do know that you have to ready to stop. Lift him up in prayer and watch how God work my mother prayed for me and now I have five years of soberity. God can do all that we think or ask. I will be praying for you and your son.



Your friend

Sneakers,

Pinkcuda

It's difficult telling other people how they should deal with their children, so I won't. I do want to know if he was included in your 4th step inventory since I see resentments towards either him or his behavior. If so, have you included this in step 9? If not, that's perfectly understandable since you don't want to give an addict any opportunity to point a finger in your direction. They will! Either that or it may be the push that he needs to give it 100% seeing that the program works. I don't know.
I hope everything works out! I'm sure it will.

GrouchoTheCat

(((Nonny)))

Hevyn

So great that you would want to share your fears & doubts with us. I do look up to you for your wisdom and respect you for all you've been through, and you're still standing! For what it's worth, in all those decades that I tried to destroy myself with alcohol nothing anyone said or did made any difference until I was looking death straight in the eye with health issues and facing jail time as well. Your son's been pointed in the right direction (and what an example you and the rest of the family have set!) but he isn't ready, even though in his heart he knows what he has to do. You telling him you love him is so important - even though in reality you are hurt, worried and angry. I wish my family would have not been so judgmental, as it caused damage that I don't think can ever be repaired. Unconditional love, that's the only way to go. Prayers go out to you and your family. Love, Joanie

Missymae737

Hi Jersey Nonney,

Ouch!!! I feel your pain...Both of my sons are addicted...Thus far, nothing major has happened...I often question why they choose addiction knowing well what the outcome will be...I have been their greatest teacher...

Today I let go and let GOD...

Thinking of you...:ghug3

Jersey Nonny

I'm not sure how you mean this, since my 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th steps were intended to place the focus on my behavior. I don't resent him or his behavior...the anger I feel is toward the disease that is slowly killing him...the frustration I feel is toward my inability to "make it better", as I would have when he was a little child with a scraped knee. (As k pointed out, "we never stop worrying about our kids"...I may be 76 to his 50, but he is still my beloved child...and, I know, in spite of his belligerence and arrogance, he is in emotional pain, just like anyone else in active alcoholism/addiction.)

Of course, all three of my children were included in my 8th and 9th steps, as were my two husbands, and all the others who were affected by my defects and shortcomings along the way to recovery. Fortunately, I was able to make direct amends, and I sincerely hope they have forgiven me for any hurts I left in the wreckage of my alcoholism...however, I was also able to forgive myself, and would recognize any belated finger pointing as a symptom of the disease, to be dealt with in his own recovery.

I don't doubt that he knows the program works...but he's stubborn...he's been shot, stabbed, beaten up...if love and prayer were all it took, he would have been sober at least 15 years ago. I wish I had a dollar for every Novena my sister (his Godmother) has said in his behalf. But, we're stubborn too...and, we're not giving up on him.

Thanks so much for all your posts...it means the world to me to know there's so much strength and hope being sent our way!

dave47

No way are you a bit of a fraud Jersey,you always give out good advice and are entitled to worry about your own family.Thanks for sharing your experiences and your words of wisdom and best wishes with your son.