Still can't quit
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 4
Still can't quit
Was going to try and quit last night but got to 10:45pm having an Indian takeaway and the liver started aching on the right hand side. It doesn't like any fast food at the moment. Anyway, started drinking the usual 4 bottles and 8 cans and it subsided. Obviously won't always be the case.
Since the at home liver test said mild liver disease it's been harder to stop. Bought another one and it said the same. It has 98% accuracy so don't want to visit the docs who'll use the same initial test. The hospital is pointless as well as they'll only say the same thing, with a bit of pain thrown in if they do the liver sample thingy. Plus hospital appointments usually involve family and don't want them to know with all the future hassle that goes with it about never being able to drink again, as the docs will say when I'm not ready for that yet. Even not involving them leaves hospital records showing that I knew.
Over the last couple of weeks a really good friend from the past remembered my email from years ago, as haven't changed it. We'd just sit and talk for hours and it was pre-alcohol. Although eventually we ended up getting hammered in bars four times a week, as many in Britain do at 16 and 17. Problem was her Mum was an alcoholic and I called after my friend and her Dad had moved out without knowing and she went crackers screaming down the phone and later on killed herself. Sort of blamed myself for "setting the ball rolling" and actually that's when I started withdrawing and bingeing on my own all the time. Only just realised that also now when thinking about it. Apart from that though there were great times, well it was the peak of my life anyway.
Want to quit, well more than before since getting in contact albeit only be email and probably always so as her husband vets her emails for signs of an affair.
Problem with quitting is the voice in my head has got worse at the usual start time since the liver test. Got over stuff that happened in childhood when seeing a quack a while back - and it only happened for 18 months when I know many people went through so much more but when it gets to 10pm can't stop thinking about lying head in the gutter dazed and barely conscious after being given 5 minutes down an alleyway to run away and kill myself by It but didn't do and paid for it.
Rather than drinking from 16 to escape the past, maybe it's just been one long suicide. It'd explain why it's more difficult to quit and the voice in the head starting to control much more than in the recentish past with some quit time but it's probably right that to stop for a day is only delaying the inevitable in my case.
Anyway, sorry for the negativity and hope your heads are holding up.
8
Since the at home liver test said mild liver disease it's been harder to stop. Bought another one and it said the same. It has 98% accuracy so don't want to visit the docs who'll use the same initial test. The hospital is pointless as well as they'll only say the same thing, with a bit of pain thrown in if they do the liver sample thingy. Plus hospital appointments usually involve family and don't want them to know with all the future hassle that goes with it about never being able to drink again, as the docs will say when I'm not ready for that yet. Even not involving them leaves hospital records showing that I knew.
Over the last couple of weeks a really good friend from the past remembered my email from years ago, as haven't changed it. We'd just sit and talk for hours and it was pre-alcohol. Although eventually we ended up getting hammered in bars four times a week, as many in Britain do at 16 and 17. Problem was her Mum was an alcoholic and I called after my friend and her Dad had moved out without knowing and she went crackers screaming down the phone and later on killed herself. Sort of blamed myself for "setting the ball rolling" and actually that's when I started withdrawing and bingeing on my own all the time. Only just realised that also now when thinking about it. Apart from that though there were great times, well it was the peak of my life anyway.
Want to quit, well more than before since getting in contact albeit only be email and probably always so as her husband vets her emails for signs of an affair.
Problem with quitting is the voice in my head has got worse at the usual start time since the liver test. Got over stuff that happened in childhood when seeing a quack a while back - and it only happened for 18 months when I know many people went through so much more but when it gets to 10pm can't stop thinking about lying head in the gutter dazed and barely conscious after being given 5 minutes down an alleyway to run away and kill myself by It but didn't do and paid for it.
Rather than drinking from 16 to escape the past, maybe it's just been one long suicide. It'd explain why it's more difficult to quit and the voice in the head starting to control much more than in the recentish past with some quit time but it's probably right that to stop for a day is only delaying the inevitable in my case.
Anyway, sorry for the negativity and hope your heads are holding up.
8
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,446
Hi,
There is hope and you can quit. And, yes, I definitely think the voice becomes stronger as we decide we need to quit. Alcoholism is a horrible disease the alcoholic voice will not want to lose and will fight. I hope you take a look around here and make a choice to stop drinking. There is lots of support here.
There is hope and you can quit. And, yes, I definitely think the voice becomes stronger as we decide we need to quit. Alcoholism is a horrible disease the alcoholic voice will not want to lose and will fight. I hope you take a look around here and make a choice to stop drinking. There is lots of support here.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Worcester
Posts: 789
Originally Posted by DingDong 
Got over stuff that happened in childhood when seeing a quack a while back
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Central California
Posts: 246
Welcome
Hi DingDong, it sounds like what you need is divine intervention. You can only get that by sincerly praying and believing that God will help you. That is how I quit drinking; there was no human power that could have saved me. As for your family finding out about your liver problem, sooner or later they will know if you keep drinking. Sending prayers your way....GH
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Dingdong, do you really want to quit?
Are you willing to go to any length to get and stay sober?
Are you willing to admit that once you have had one drink you become powerless over alcohol?
Does alcohol make your life become unmanageable?
After a 40 year drinking career I was able to answer yes to all of those and I found a solution.
Are you willing to go to any length to get and stay sober?
Are you willing to admit that once you have had one drink you become powerless over alcohol?
Does alcohol make your life become unmanageable?
After a 40 year drinking career I was able to answer yes to all of those and I found a solution.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi DD...: It's not the food
and
that pain will get worse the longer you drink.
Your liver is not processing alcohol correctly..
and will cause a slow painful death.
I know this because Wayne lived with me
during his final 4 months of life. He was 32.
He could no longer wear pants he was so bloated.
He was leaking blood from his penis ..anus and nose.
Pain was 24/7
Cause of death...alcoholic liver failure.
My brother died from a liver infection.
He had damaged his liver when drinking
and it did not respond to treatment.
Cause of death...Internal bleeding/liver failure.
I do hope you take action to live sober.
Why die needlessly?
and
that pain will get worse the longer you drink.
Your liver is not processing alcohol correctly..
and will cause a slow painful death.
I know this because Wayne lived with me
during his final 4 months of life. He was 32.
He could no longer wear pants he was so bloated.
He was leaking blood from his penis ..anus and nose.
Pain was 24/7
Cause of death...alcoholic liver failure.
My brother died from a liver infection.
He had damaged his liver when drinking
and it did not respond to treatment.
Cause of death...Internal bleeding/liver failure.
I do hope you take action to live sober.
Why die needlessly?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
DD. Alcoholism is a progressive disease .
Ignoring it does not make it go away
The liver is a very forgiving organ, and dependant on the amount of damage already done, can and does re generate, if the damage is not too severe.
As has been said, it is a slow, painful, undignified death, I have nursed many
The decision is yours, it does not happen by osmosis, you actually have to make a decision and act on it
IF you are serious and desperate enough , you WILL quit , and seek the help you need , BUT the decision and action , is yours alone
I wish you well
HUGX
Leigh
Ignoring it does not make it go away
The liver is a very forgiving organ, and dependant on the amount of damage already done, can and does re generate, if the damage is not too severe.
As has been said, it is a slow, painful, undignified death, I have nursed many
The decision is yours, it does not happen by osmosis, you actually have to make a decision and act on it
IF you are serious and desperate enough , you WILL quit , and seek the help you need , BUT the decision and action , is yours alone
I wish you well
HUGX
Leigh
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by Justme57
DD. Alcoholism is a progressive disease .
Ignoring it does not make it go away
The liver is a very forgiving organ, and dependant on the amount of damage already done, can and does re generate, if the damage is not too severe.
As has been said, it is a slow, painful, undignified death, I have nursed many
The decision is yours, it does not happen by osmosis, you actually have to make a decision and act on it
IF you are serious and desperate enough , you WILL quit , and seek the help you need , BUT the decision and action , is yours alone
I wish you well
HUGX
Leigh
Ignoring it does not make it go away
The liver is a very forgiving organ, and dependant on the amount of damage already done, can and does re generate, if the damage is not too severe.
As has been said, it is a slow, painful, undignified death, I have nursed many
The decision is yours, it does not happen by osmosis, you actually have to make a decision and act on it
IF you are serious and desperate enough , you WILL quit , and seek the help you need , BUT the decision and action , is yours alone
I wish you well
HUGX
Leigh
My brother I believe in my eyes has his last chance to live...and sadly I'm ok with it now...I cannot make the choice for him but only for myself.
I cannot count how many times he has relapsed-even after bleeding from his liver and was given less than 6 months to live-he stopped-then started again-
This time he was found just about dead in a hotel room-and I do pray that this is it for him. I live on a daily basis praying and loving him but allowing him to make his own choices-
I do hope that you make the right choice for you as I know there people out there that love you-
Healing thoughts to you!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 4
Hi, sorry about the posting. Didn't mean to belittle liver disease and what people go through, just it's how I'm feeling at the moment. Also used 'quack' in an affectionate way, rather than insulting as it helped.
Am listening to the stop drinking hypnotherapy MP3 everyday and am thinking strongly at 10pm about not having a drink but the urge is still stronger at the mo. The depression is quite bad this week but it lifts. Never leaving the house is slowly sending me round the bend, but going outside is worse. The curse of supermarket home deliveries and other internet shopping.
Don't know if I want to quit more than I don't want to be around anymore at the minute. Feel time-expired.
Again, :sorry for the negativity. It's great to see so many people being positive and happy and sorry for dragging the mood down.
Am listening to the stop drinking hypnotherapy MP3 everyday and am thinking strongly at 10pm about not having a drink but the urge is still stronger at the mo. The depression is quite bad this week but it lifts. Never leaving the house is slowly sending me round the bend, but going outside is worse. The curse of supermarket home deliveries and other internet shopping.
Don't know if I want to quit more than I don't want to be around anymore at the minute. Feel time-expired.
Again, :sorry for the negativity. It's great to see so many people being positive and happy and sorry for dragging the mood down.
I'm a Pickle
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
Dont be sorry. People are here to listen to you and support you. Everyone here cares and I dont think they expect apologies. It is obvious you are hurting... However, you ARE reaching out. You are coming to this site and part of you does want to quit drinking. You want help and understanding and caring and not to be judged...just like me, just like everyone who comes here. Keep posting... And I agree with the divine intervention... do some serious praying... ((((hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Am listening to the stop drinking hypnotherapy MP3 everyday and am thinking strongly at 10pm about not having a drink
It's gonna take more than that DingDong. If you keep drinking, you may find that you finally want to quit. You may also find that you can't quit.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
DingDong alcohol is a depressant! Depressants make one negative.
No need for saying you are sorry, reading what you post is helping me to stay sober. You see I and many others were where you are at right now.
I am a chicken crap, I did not want to die from my alcoholism. Alcohol kills in a very slow PAINFUL way, it can kill in so many different ways, the worst way is what is called "Wet Brain". Basically one becomes a vegatable, not even capable of drinking because they can not even clean them selfs up after they have crapped all over them selfs! There whole life becomes laying in a bed, no booze, nothing except someone spoon feeding them mush because they can barely chew their own food. They can not walk down to the store to get another bottle to escape the hell they are going through!
I have to assume that you are still able to get drunk, escape into oblivion, I passed that point, one day I would get drunk off of 6-8 beers, the next day I could drink from the time I woke up until I went to sleep and never even get a buzz!!! Oblivion was gone for me, there was no longer an escape from my own hell. If you have not reached that point in your drinking, keep on drinking and you will!
Think about that........ drinking all you can and still being unable to escape your own reality, oblivion is gone, all that is left is you!!! No longer can you escape you.
It's great to see so many people being positive and happy and sorry for dragging the mood down.
I am a chicken crap, I did not want to die from my alcoholism. Alcohol kills in a very slow PAINFUL way, it can kill in so many different ways, the worst way is what is called "Wet Brain". Basically one becomes a vegatable, not even capable of drinking because they can not even clean them selfs up after they have crapped all over them selfs! There whole life becomes laying in a bed, no booze, nothing except someone spoon feeding them mush because they can barely chew their own food. They can not walk down to the store to get another bottle to escape the hell they are going through!
I have to assume that you are still able to get drunk, escape into oblivion, I passed that point, one day I would get drunk off of 6-8 beers, the next day I could drink from the time I woke up until I went to sleep and never even get a buzz!!! Oblivion was gone for me, there was no longer an escape from my own hell. If you have not reached that point in your drinking, keep on drinking and you will!
Think about that........ drinking all you can and still being unable to escape your own reality, oblivion is gone, all that is left is you!!! No longer can you escape you.
Sober But Struggling
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 73
Where does one get the at home liver test?
Are they available in US drug stores?
When I was in rehab in January the Dr. there said I had no damage.
I would like to retest but not have to go to the Dr. or hospital to do so.
Also, How much does the test cost?
Thanks
Are they available in US drug stores?
When I was in rehab in January the Dr. there said I had no damage.
I would like to retest but not have to go to the Dr. or hospital to do so.
Also, How much does the test cost?
Thanks
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