I've lost my way again
 

Have no idea what to do, f*cking lost I thought I was strong but managed to prove myslef wrong one more time, plus my family let me know how disappointed they are in me yet again - f*cking hell when will this circle end? :(

:hug:

Why not try AA?
Maybe this time you are ready to quit.
Just go and listen. Your way is not working.

Blessings

Don't worry about your family for now. Deal with their own disapointment after you deal with your own.

God knows I've caused them some amount of pain over this. :(

It just makes it worse to think about it and the only way out is another drink tbh, but then that makes it worse even more. :(

It just makes it worse to think about it and the only way out is another drink


Hogwash!!

I felt exactly the same and the only way out is to take a step outside of the cycle. Throw away any alcohol in the house. Go home via a different route. Plan to be doing something different in the evening, like going for a long walk. Make the changes you need to make and you can do this. Keep reading and posting.

Thank you 51, sensible advice as per usual. :)

I appreciate what you're doing here, it's worthwhile and encouraging.

But I'm now in a void that I have created, by my own fashioning, ten thousand times and every time it gets darker and more irresistable. :(

God knows what next. :(

There is hope RK, there is always hope.

I do understand what you mean about the dark void become more irresistible. It draws you in and draws more life out of you all the time. But, you can do this!

Hi RK,

Do you want to get out of the void? All you have to do is want it...

Call the number for AA...it can help. It helped me. I don't ever have to feel that pain again, and neither do you.

Big hugs,

Karen

To thine own self be true
 

Hi RK2007 the circle ends when you have had enough until then the circle is going to go on and on. I would like to know what the circle is please write back and let me know.

Your friend

Sneakers,: :ghug

Go to a meeting

echoing sentiments above ... for many of us, AA/NA was the ticket out.

if you already knew how to do what you obviously feel you SHOULD be doing, you'd be doing it.

the program is about support, fellowship, and learning how to adjust your thought processes so you can live sober. the tools are vaguely 'spiritual' in nature, and occasionally something approaching 'religion' intrudes (imho) on the proceedings, but there are an awful lot of us here who know deep down that we'd be out there (or dead) if it weren't for 'the rooms', and most if not all of us were highly resistant to the notion that we couldn't 'do it ourselves' for quite some time ... quite some WASTED time, that is...

Keep posting in any case. We'll do all we can to help regardless of whether you'll take any advice from us ;)

That's what I need to learn to do; frankly, I can probably make-do without the rest...

A neverending circle of drinking alcohol. :(

Hang in there!
It wasn't ever easy for me, when I wanted to quit. But because I didn't work the steps, stopped going to meeting, thought I could do it myself, I ended up drunk and looking at the pile I've created again.

This time I have had enough. I can choose to work the program, go to meetings, read and write on this web site, and keep a positive attitude, OR I can start drinking and loose my family - who will kick me out perminately this time, loose my job, loose all my money, and wined up dead. Tough choice? It's extreamly tough for me.

No matter how stupid the choice may be, It's something I need to be aware of all the time and never let my guard down.

Well, by all means, let us know how that works out for you. After all, your best thinking has gotten you this far already, so now is certainly not the time to start taking advice from strangers on the interwebs, that's for damn sure...

The only one that can help you is you. Dont worry about the other people in your life, worry about you. You can do this if you really want to do this. The first step is to look inside yourself, and admit that you are powerless. This is the hardest thing to do. Once you have sat back and looked inside yourself and are ready to do the work to make you better than you will get better. I know I have been there and by me not looking at myself it cost me alot even jail time cause I didnt look inside myself cause I was afraid of what I was going to see. Once i did that then the healing began. I know it sounds selfish, but you must worry about you now and no one else.

Good Luck you can do this. We all have been there and here to help. Keep posting.

RJ, Have you ever heard the words "You are the most important person here?" That is the newcomer at an Open AA Meeting. We all had to start somewhere and do what worked for us. I was willing to do anything to stay sober. AA was there, all I had to do was go through the doors and there were people wanting to shake my hand, smiling, laughing,.....It was hard but I kept going back and each meeting was all that much easier as I made "sober" friends. If I hadn't done this I would have been dead soon. :wtf2

kelsh

Hmmm

The guilt will not do you any good, it's better to admit it right now and keep it to yourself. It seems the disappointment of others is putting you in a worse place than your own. The strong thing to do is kick yourself in the ass the next day, not by vicious self pity but by not allowing yourself any of that or any excuse for what you did. It shouldn't matter that anyone but yourself feels bad you failed, they really do want to see you get help, they'll continue being around repeatedly to do so and they aren't trying to make you feel bad, I assume. Going easy on yourself doesn't mean you get an unlimited slot of excuses.