Grateful Heart

Hi everyone. I attend AA regularly, but I don't have a sponser. Is it possible to do my 4th Step by myself by just following the suggestions in the 12X12 book? Any responses will be appreciated. BTW, I have 134 days of sobriety! :-) GH

Rowan

Hi GH,

It's great to see you! Well done on your sober time!

Now - about your question - you can do the 4th on your own, but it's the 5th step where you share it with God, and another human being (usually a sponsor). Many people use a member of the clergy or another trusted person if they don't wish to share with a sponsor.

That being said - is there any reason why you don't have one? Having a good sponsor has only served to enrich my sobriety. Just a thought.

Cathy31

As Rowan said you can do it by yourself, in fact my understanding of the 4th step is that it really is your part so much of it even if you do have a sponsor is done on your own...and you check with the sponsor for guidance/advice, but you could use the board for this...step 5 though is very important that you share what you found with God and another human being...but cross that bridge when you get to it...my suggestion (presume you have a good reason for not getting a sponsor!?) would be to drop by a NA meeting - NA has a WONDERFUL 'step guide' which they refer to as the green and gold or 'step working guide' it's about 10 pages with specific questions you can cover and which will help you especially if you doing it on own...not that doing it according to what you got is not enough, just sharing what I found easier and that was using the NA guide (even though I am AA)

Good luck! Just doing it starting it and writing is what's really importnat!! so well done!!!

cahty31
x

GlassPrisoner

It's suggested that we do the steps with a sponsor.

I know my best thinking got me here, and I'm pretty sure my best thinking would make a mess of the steps if I tried them myself.

As a matter of fact, that was my decision at one point. I even went on line looking for pre-formatted 4th step excel spreadsheets that I could just fill in. I did my 3rd step in my office at work with the door closed. (I didn't even have a Big Book).

I'll let you guess how that worked out.....

mike_mass

You can do the 4th yourself, but the fifth will require 2 other people...God, as you understand Him, and a human being.

Pinkcuda

Here is a link to some spreadsheets that will send you in the right direction. Some condone these sheets and some condemn them as a way to put less thought into it. Either way it can be used as a reference.
http://www.step12.com/step-4.html
You can click the links and print them.
I did them without the spreadsheets and my sponsor threw them back at me and said "Bull#$%^" I did them with the spreadsheet and he liked them.
I didn't do the one that was entitled "Harms to Others" as that wasn't part of the 4th step. I don't know why it's there. Focus on Resentments, Fears, and Sex.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I just started my 4th. Well, I haven't started, I've been THINKING about my 4th lol. I'm starting on the easy one: resentments.

I really really don't want to get to the sex one. REALLY.

I love it: spreadsheets for alcoholics doing their 4th. I find that funny!

Karen

citychick

Thanks for the link Pinkcuda. I did a fourth step early in sobriety. My sponser says it was adequate for that time in my recovery, but a more in depth step four now would be a good idea.

SaTiT

It's suggested that you get a sponsor, becuase doing a fearless
moral inventory can get pretty hairy, depending how deep you
want to go. Basically you're going to be opening up a can worms.

You also need to establish a relationship with a HP. There's trust,
faith and the unconditional love one needs to be able to stair
into the mulitytude of madness of it all. And there's a certain amount
of PTSD involve if you get really deep. It depends what life experience
you had and having to relive that pain and turama again can be overwhelming
if you face it alone.

Sometimes a person needs to be there to pull you out of it.
To remaid you to make an asset list to counter balance all the
nagative thoughts and emotions, so we don't start beating ourselves
up in the process.

There's tear stains all over my 4th steps notepad or journaling book.

However you can start a journal and get into a routine of writing.
There's not really a right way or a wrong way to go about it..as long
as you write. my sponsor simply got me into a habit of making a list.
He start off with having me write gradtitue lists
My desperation list.

You can also try book study groups. They get into the steps and work
them.

dalin

I know in my guts that the steps are very important.
Alot of sites have temparary sponsors.
All my sponsors have taken me back to step one so they could get
to know me,and make it more comfortable to work the steps.
I would find as many step guides as you can so you truly feel the steps.
If you want,email me.I have worked as a temparary at a diferant sight.
Hang in there my freind:ghug2

GlassPrisoner

You mean they actually exsist ?!?!

BP44

Dude, I tried for many years to do this step work without a sponsor, and it just didn't work for me. Part of it was a surrender issue, part accountability, but the greatest thing I've gotten out of working the steps with a sponsor is guidance. This man doesn't tell me stuff that he pulls out of thin air. He guides me from direct experience he got working the steps with his sponsor. And what I am finding is that all the preconceived notions I had about step work were all wrong. Every single one of them. So, my best suggestion is to get a sponsor and start working the steps in order. The reason I say this is that there are a lot of things I got out of working the first step with a sponsor that I didn't get when I did a first step in treatment so many years ago. I'm in the middle of 4 right now, and can't imagine not having a sponsor. What is becoming apparent is that as I do this moral inventory a pattern is developing. Defects of character. And all the delusions of who I thought I was are being revealed for the lies that they were. Not a very comfortable place to be. The legend I created in my mind just ain't so. Here's where accountability comes in. I've got a sponsor, and I've got to follow through at this point. to stop half way because it's too painful just isn't an option, nor would I want it to be. The real question should be why do you resist getting a sponsor?

sneakers

Yes you can do the fourth step alone, but you need a sponser for anything you don't understand, and you must also no that the fourth step is where you get gut honest and look at who you really are, pray if you have a higher power, and take that power with you. Keep your head up it's going to be alright.

Your friend


Sneakers,

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I'm sorry if my statement wasn't' that funny..I'm not trying to make light of this work. That said, I couldn't imagine doing this without my sponsor, as I've been avoiding me for most of my life..

Thanks for this thread..

Karen