Apparently terror is my new addiction...
 

Today marks 24 days of sobriety for me. It also marks 24 days of obsessing over every aspect of my life and health, and fearing that tragedy is going to befall me at every turn. In my saner moments I can actually laugh at myself, knowing full well that I'm just exhibiting typical addict behavior. In my not-so-sane moments I curl up in fetal position, crying until my contact lenses fall out.

Here's a weird one for me: lately I'm afraid of the dark, and of silence. I used to love both, but now I want lights and noise 24/7. For two days I've visited my mom and dad, just so I could take an afternoon nap and hear my mom puttering around in the kitchen, while the tv drones in the background and sunlight filters through the blinds of my childhood bedroom window. It's the only place I feel safe. For cryin' out loud, I'm 39 years old with a child of my own!!! What the heck is up with this regression??? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

I keep putting off the AA meetings, mostly because I'm loathe to ask my husband for help. He's still drinking (though otherwise supportive of me). I don't drive, and I live way the heck out in the middle of nowhere. I know I need to go, and I really believe I'll do it this weekend. Hopefully I'll meet someone who'd be willing to bring me to meetings.

Oh well, I just needed to babble. I think I'm going to bury myself in a book, get through the night, and start fresh tomorrow.....

Hi Wylie,

I suspect the anxiety will pass as time goes on. I think you're probably just getting used to a sober life. I also think that using drugs/alcohol stops you from developing emotionally. At least it did for me. I was an adult who still had the emotional level of someone much younger. Just be patient with yourself and get used to your new life and things will fall into place.

:hug:
I've always slept better with music on and a low light.
I have no idea why nor do I orry about it.

I do have to rely on my AA friends for rides...
they are great! I hope this will be true for you too.

Perhaps this link will help you...

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Well done on your sober time...
:07:

Hi Wylie,
I remember that fear when i first cleaned up. The only place i felt safe was in the bath with candles. I was scared of everything, germs, people, my memories and mostly just how i was going to survive. I didnt know if i could do this thing. It just felt too big and i was so unbelievably overwhelmed.

It took me a long time to start moving past that and it was really when i started connecting with other women that i really felt myself coming back to me. :)

Hi and welcome to SR.

I too have had a problem with terror. What are you coming off of? I was on benzos. And part of the recovery from benzo (xanax for me) is having the symptoms that the drug was supposed to help. I have a thread that talks about the terror if you want to look at it.

Good Luck to you and please keep posting.

Oh, the feeling of terror has gotten better with time.

Hey Wylie - I can relate to what you are saying completely. Untreated anxiety is part of what got me drinking to the extent that I was. Now that I am sober, a lot of the anxiety is coming back, and all the things that I didn't deal with while I was drinking are now added into the mix. I often feel like a child, learning to live all over again.

However, I wouldn't worry about it...easier said than done, I know. But everything about sober life seems strange at times, so if your folks are ok with you coming over for a nap, why not? Be gentle with yourself and take them up on their way of being helpful to you. Sleep with a light and the radio on for now. No big deal...all part of the adjustment.

Believe me, I am telling you to do as I say, not as I do, but we can all remind each other that IT'S OK. Keep posting - this is a great thread!:ghug

While active, it was that vague feeling of impending doom that I often wanted to escape from.

After I quit, in early sobriety, it was still there. I think it took a week for me to check my mail and walk the dogs !

It gets better. I'll second Carols suggestion, do whatever it takes to get to AA on a routine basis. Working the steps has all but eliminated anxiety and depression from my life.

Like GP my whole life in active addiction was lived from a basis of fear masked by drugs anger and deciet. When I stopped using drugs I was still so full of fear, but by surrounding myself with others and going to NA and hanging in day by day that changed.

I support others in saying reach out get to AA and keep going whatever you head tells you.

Kevin - Sending you only Love (borrowed from Pat)

i too used to love the dark and quiet and now like light and noise. i am 11 days into sobriety so i guess i still have time and the depression and anxiety will go away. the meetings do help....although this week i hope to find one i enjoy going to. and since im in LA it shouldnt be a problem, just time and searching. so just know you arent alone in your fears!! posting on this board has definitely helped me a alot talking to you guys....so thank you all!!!

Oh wow I'm so glad I found this site!!!! I have horrible feelings of anxiety of just the most ridiculous and bizarre things ( I was once on a bus and started panicking that there was a suicide bomber on board, buckets of sweat poured down my face ) and I can't sleep the sound of my own heart beating begins to scare me(straight out of a Poe poem). I'm concerned when will all this just go away, and I can try to have some level of sanity. One more thing does anyone have that horrible falling dream (like A LOT)? Thanks for reading my blabber!!