payingtheprice

I am new to SoberRecovery and so far am so glad that I have found it. Here is the run down. Married to a man that is addicted to crack. Have lost basically everything but my children and my mind. Living with family because we lost our house, he is living here and there. Was able to stay with a family member until he decided to go on a mission and get high for days at a time. He blames me for everything. Accuses me of having affairs but openly states that he will be with other women if I say no. Doesn't understand why I say no. There is something in me that just can't stand to be touched by him when I know that he has been using. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I realize that that is an awful thing to say but it's true. And then because I know that he is using and being with other women it just makes me not want him around me more. So now I live in another city and am trying to pull my life back together. I guess my question is what do I do. What do I do when he blames me for not having a place to lay his head? What do I do when he bullies me for money that I really don't have to give even though he says it's for food or something essential I know that he will use if for drugs. What do I do when I am so angry at his selfishness and the fact that I now have to work 2 jobs to take care of our family while he goes here and there wasting whatever money he comes up with to get high. I am so angry and hurt and he doesn't understand that there can't be any healing or fixing of our marriage until he gets his addiction under control. Anyone have any ideas?

GlassPrisoner

Yup. Alanon.

That, and head on over to the Friends and Family of Addicts forum. There's a lot of (mostly) women over there have been through just what you are going through now.

Aysha

From a crack addict to you.
STOP ALL ENABLING!!!!
If it means he sleeps in a ditch...so be it.
If he has to eat out of a dumpster...Oh well.
If you keep giving in than that says it's OK walk all over me.
If he chooses to do those things..There is NOTHING in this world you or anyone can do to fix him.

He has to do it on his own.
I dont care what anyone says.
Crack will make you do the most dispicable things and it teaches you to be a master manipulator.
Dont put yourself through anymore false hope thinking you can change or help him.
Until he truely wants it himself and he takes those steps himself.
I suggest you look out for #1 at all cost.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I use to be the one doing that to my family.
I am so ashamed at myself for how I have done my family so many times.
I hope you get help for yourself.

Impurrfect

ditto what chiynita said,

I am a recovering crack addict and she's right....it will not only suck the life out of the user, but those who love them (if they let it). I left my XABF because his motto for life, for the last 30 years is "hustle to get high".

Check out the friends & family site, and read the sticky on what addicts do. You will get a lot of support here at SR, but al-anon or nar-anon will give you f2f meetings with people who totally understand what you are going through.

Good luck to you!

Amy

marle

Welcome to SR and I guess I would tell you to do what I do with my 21 year old daughter who is an addict. I say NO. It is a complete sentence and does not need an explanation. You are not to blame for his addiction and you are not responsible for getting him clean or paying his bills for him, buying his food, gas or crack. Take care of you because your husband has only one need right now and that is more. Prayers and hugs, Marle

Aysha

I just want to add.
That alot of times when the addict does not have an enabler anymore...It helps them snap out of it and get help. Or at least try.
But that doesnt mean give in at the first glance of wanting to change.
You need to ride that tough love train all the way to the last stop. Which is when the addict is really walking the walk. Talk is cheap and half stepping dont cut it.
Sometimes us addicts need to be left in our own misery and stew for awhile to really feel the effects of our ways.

indigo

Welcome to SR my son is back on crack after years of self-medicating and he is also an alcoholic now. I have had to detach and stop enabling him. It's certainly hard, sometimes a wakeup call can do wonders. I wish you the best.

SaTiT

yes, please reach out to anyone.

the main reason is...have you notice, you been in bit of an isolation ?
Less and less friends and family comes over to visit you over the years.

you need time away to heal from all of the chaos you've gone through.
putting yourself in a different evironment will also help you.
Being around other people will also help you. A different perspective
or a ray of hope.
Generally a person or a group of peaple that's gone through or is going
through what you're going through. they can be surportive, plus their
they can share thier ESH..the pit falls or mistakes they made

Please look after yourself and your children.

Cathy31

Prayers are with you. Look up an al-anon meeting - it will help as will friends and family forum...read the posts there. You need to get far away frmo this person and rebuild YOUR life. Good luck!! It is NOT your fault...you didn't cause it and you can't cure it!

Good luck!
cahty31
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