OXFORD

I took a few beers today, I quit and made it two days sober after making it a month sober then going on a 5 day drunken suicidal bender. Today I ended up taking around a dozen sleeping pills and 8 pints of beer, so when I went to fall asleep it took a long time, I kept drifting into deeper stages of sleep feeling relatively comfortable until suddenly it was like someone was gagging me and holding my head under water, I managed to jump 10 feet from my bed to get out of those shackles. Obviously I'm too anxious to sleep now. This has been happening for over a year, I drink, get suicidal or masochistic. I don't drink that much, practically when I only have money, but I keep feeling guilty when I offload on my friends, I'm not getting better quick enough for them and for me, yet they are so patient I hate it. I need to do something to prove to them I'm going to be fine in a week, I did sign up for a doctor so I could get anti-depressents, I realized I'm not going to do this on my own, it neither makes me weak, only that I have a disease. but how long can I go on feeling like nothing is ahead of me and that alcohol is really the only true thing that's there.

barb dwyer

The only true thing about alcohol is ... it'll kill an alcoholic.

*and on a brighter note*

Welcome!
Take a look around, Oxford, read some of the stickies - I'm relieved to hear you're going to be working with a medical person and expecally happy to read that you understand you can't do this alone.

I couldn't have.
SR has been a vital if not essential part of my own recovery, and I hope it will be for you, too! Stick around others will be along to welcome you aboard.

Octoman

Hi Oxford
Alcoholism and feelings of hopelessness are common bedfellows I'm afraid. My only advice is that by tackling the drinking first you will find your other problems start to become more manageable.

Welcome to SR and good luck

Oct

Dee74

Sounds like you know...but alcohol is not 'the only true thing' Oxford. It lies.

I self medicated for years...until the point where the alcohol was not only no longer effective, but it had became a way bigger problem that my original ones. It's a progressive thing and it will get ya.

Good you're seeing a Doc. Talk to them.
and come back here, often

D

indigo

Welcome to SR? what is there without alcohol? LIFE and joy and fun and I could go on and on....I do hope you'll keep us posted and I wish you all the best.

CarolD

Hi Oxford ..
Welcome!

Quitting drinking was the
hardest and smartest action I've ever done.

Blessings

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Oxford, you are no longer alone, I spent years trying to fight my alcoholism on my own, I was not able to get and stay sober until I reached out for help, what saved my life was a doctor, detox, & AA! SR for me is a supplement and a reminder of what AA has given me and millions of others, an ability to happily live life on lifes terms sober!

There is no reason to fight this alone, there are plenty of support groups out there, check them out, AA worked for me and millions of others, but there are others as well.

Do not rush things, you will always need to keep in mind that if you are an alcoholic that it is an incurable disease, if you are an alcoholic today, you will still be an alcoholic 20 years from now.

I felt the exact same way, I knew I had to stop drinking or die, but I was scared to death going into detox, I knew nothing in life except drinking, my whole life had reached the point of revolving around drinking, if it did not involve drinking or earning money to buy booze I did not do it.

I have found in AA that I can be and am happy, joyous and free sober, I can do everything sober I did while drinking better and I remember it all the next day. I can also do a lot of things sober I could not do drinking.

I am an alcoholic, to continue to drink means death for me, to stay sober means life!

See the doctor and go from there. Be totally honest with the doctor, read the label of the meds the doc gives you, if you drink while on anti-depressants it can result in death and keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant so anti-depressants do not work while one is drinking.

Missymae737

Welcome to SR...

Keep posting, so glad you found us...

Anna

Welcome and deciding to talk to your dr is a really good thing to do. There is lots of help and there is also lots of support here.

shemp

Welcome to SR, first you have made the right choice to go and talk to your DR. It is going to be hard but in time it will get easier. Keep the faith and keep posting.

Aysha

Hi Oxford..Glad you are here...I kinda get the same feeling like what you are talking about when I was up for days getting high and tried to go to sleep. Except I felt like everytime I closed my eyes I would start to fall and spin really fast and get dizzy trying to go to sleep. As soon as I opened my eyes it stopped...but then I would close them again and it would start again. Very weird.

Anyway..Feeling like there is nothing in the future is really feeling like there is gonna be NO FUN in the future. Life is gonna be boring is how I see it.
At least that is how I felt. But once you get sometime in and you dont need much. You will feel like there's a whole world you havent seen yet.
Good luck...Keep posting.

OXFORD

Thanks for all the great replies. I got off for a few days and now all I saw was the loneliness of my own house, it really freaked me out, I did what I always do,have a massive panic attack and then drink a little bit until my moods changed. I can't tell which mood is being caused by alcohol or depression, but I think both are completely destroying any personality I have because I always self-analyze it's nuts I feel like my own idiotic therapist.

Tazman53

OXFORD trust me when I say that drinking is not the answer, I tried to drink it away and the drink eventually became my entire life, it was destroying me. There is a solution and trust me it is well worth the effort, it is sobriety, everything you do know drinking you will find you can do better sober and the things you wanted to do while drinking but could not due to the drinking you will be able to do.

Drinking I found after doing it for 40 years only leads to a slow, painful lonely death, life, real life is found in sobriety.

I found sobriety and life, real joyous life in AA, there are other ways to get and stay sober, but that is how I did it, I tried a lot of other ways on my own and stayed drunk, keep trying different things, if you really want to quit and you keep trying different ways you will one day find out the joy of sobriety.

Snopup

For the most part I echo Taz's words.
If you're feeling lonely in your home, get out! Do something. Do anything. Go to a meeting. Go for a walk and get some coffee. Go golfing (works for me). But if you are struggling feeling lonely and depressed at home, then that's where you DON'T need to be. There are alternatives in life. Drinking hides those alternatives and we begin to think that everything enjoyable revolves around it. LIES! LIES! LIES! Alcohol for me is not an alternative, it's a death sentence. My life has become so much better since I quit drinking this time, it's just amazing to me.

calfritch

oxford - thats how i was too....drinking to change my mood and it nearly led to my death, by drinking or suicide. i went through out patient detox which was a rough week because i had to do it myself at home by myself. but thats done and now im starting AA and finding this board was the best thing for me. the positive comments from people who know what you're going through help a lot. keep at it!!

OXFORD

all these replies are fantastic. I gotta know, is AA something I need in addition to help from online? I know my problems go deeper than alcohol, I definitly not a person who can just take one drink and be fine. I gotta consider alcohol for what it really is, a damn hard drug equal to coke or heroin and it's gonna ******* wreck me each time I go there. I can't deal with it, societies silly fault for making me think I should. I really sound dumb, sorry I'm just getting annoyed that even when I drink I won't go to sleep.

Cathy31

Yes. In my experience you do the 2 together - it's what's worked for me. Give it a try. Look up the meetings in your area - and go. If you can, phone ahead and ask someone to meet you there few mins beforehand...etiher way just get there! Say you are a newcomer...you will be blown away by the love and welcome you will receive. AA not only saved my life it MADE my life! Anywhere where I am in the world, the hand of AA is there and it's wonderful - a true blessing. Allow yourself to heal.

Cathy31
x

barb dwyer

hi again OXFORD - it's good to see you're hanging in!

You know, hon. when it boils down ... only you can answer that question.
I do remember you specifically saying you could not do this alone. AA is a real, face - to face problem solving way of life.
It saved me.

What's right for you?
I can't answer that, hon.

I can only offer - what I know.
And be here meanwhile for you.
Because it keeps ME sober to do that.

One thing said often in AA is : build a firm foundation.

I didn't look past that when I got sober. And I KNEW - AA was the place for me to be. My only focus was to be ... right where I was at the moment. I didn't look at 'being in AA forever' or anything I've read others say about it.

(oh, I don't want to be an AA person, I don't want to commit to the steps... bla bla)
I had no such luxuries like ... choice.

I was so grateful to be alive, and to have the opportunity to get better - I didn't CARE where it came from - or WHO brought it. Because it was down to either get sober - or die.
Now, that's how it was ... for me.

Only you can decide how badly you want to become sober. I can tell you there's a world of difference between 'not drinking' ... and sobriety. And I can say without doubt that AA is an excellent place to manifest that. I can also say that there's abslutely no harm in checking it out.

The actual choices, and decisions ... have to be yours.

GrouchoTheCat

Hi Oxford,

I love it here at SR and I consider it an important part of my personal program of recovery.

For me, the most important part is AA, it is there that I have met many friends that I can interact with on a real time, real world basis.

AA works the best for the most!

OXFORD

how long are the withdrawl tremors supposed to last for?