What do I do now? (My mind isn't working)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Its hard I know, I think we just have to keep occupied as much as possible.
Youre putting the work into your recovery but I would suggest more time spent on a hobby or a night out or a day where you pamper yourself. Just a thought anyway...
Maybe volunteer work or something?
Youre putting the work into your recovery but I would suggest more time spent on a hobby or a night out or a day where you pamper yourself. Just a thought anyway...
Maybe volunteer work or something?
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
I'm on incapacity benefits due to the depression, so I can't do any voulenteer work. Can't really go out, don't have any friends.
There aren't any hobbies that I want to do.
I suppose I'll just carry on cleaning and crying and wishing I was dead.
There aren't any hobbies that I want to do.
I suppose I'll just carry on cleaning and crying and wishing I was dead.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Is there a park or a place you can go near you.
just take a walk or go outside, I find it helpful for me just
to get outside at least once a day. it helps clears my mind.
Being out in the open dose that to me , plus it's like a little
change, nothing drastic. Being out in nature dose that for me.
kind of like getting out of myself..baby steps.
I usually just go sit under a tree and just stay there as long as
I need. it helps me in learning to be in the moment.
The first time I went...I just drove by.
The seond time I went, i got out of my car, then got back in.lol
The third time, I actaully made it to the tree then walked back to my car.
the fourth time i hang out for five minutes.lol
well...it's progress for me like that.
Today I can stay there as long as I need, it's my santuary.
there a nice little pond and a little water fall , it's peaceful.
sometimes I just write or read ..mmm about whatever.
it helps me retain my focus a little bit at a time.
yeah, at first i couldn't even read a page without getting a
headache becuase my mind was all over the place.
just take a walk or go outside, I find it helpful for me just
to get outside at least once a day. it helps clears my mind.
Being out in the open dose that to me , plus it's like a little
change, nothing drastic. Being out in nature dose that for me.
kind of like getting out of myself..baby steps.
I usually just go sit under a tree and just stay there as long as
I need. it helps me in learning to be in the moment.
The first time I went...I just drove by.
The seond time I went, i got out of my car, then got back in.lol
The third time, I actaully made it to the tree then walked back to my car.
the fourth time i hang out for five minutes.lol
well...it's progress for me like that.
Today I can stay there as long as I need, it's my santuary.
there a nice little pond and a little water fall , it's peaceful.
sometimes I just write or read ..mmm about whatever.
it helps me retain my focus a little bit at a time.
yeah, at first i couldn't even read a page without getting a
headache becuase my mind was all over the place.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
I like the thought of going out, but I'm still pretty scared of being outside, and only manage to be outside at night. I manage a few minutes walk after most meetings, then I get OH to pick me up. I don't drive, so I can't go anywhere alone.
Nothing seems to take the pain away. I'm probably expecting too much. I knew it would be painful, my life always has been, but I didn't know it'd be this painful.
Don't know how much more I can take.
Nothing seems to take the pain away. I'm probably expecting too much. I knew it would be painful, my life always has been, but I didn't know it'd be this painful.
Don't know how much more I can take.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
No, the pain it not suppost to go away
Just embrace it, that's how I got beyound it.
allow yourself to cry if you need to. Allow yourself to breakdown.
A breakdown is actaully not a bad thing becuase you're being true to
what is and that's how you truley or honestly feel.
So it's like a break through.
becuase if we fight it, we're are always on the verge of pain
so we constantly are in the suffering mode and we never go
beyound it.
So stuff like life is not without pain ,but suffering is optional
started making sense to me.
just observe yourself as a child and treat yourself with the TLC
that you would have for a child.
I can't really explain my experince with it, becuase it might be different
for everyone, but it's like a rebirth or being reborned.
kind of like the death of the old me and a rebirth of the new me.
the process is a bit painful at times, but there's light on the other side.
or actaully something great steps into my life. Grace some would call it.
that's why those things people say in meeting starts making sence.
Stopped fighting, let go, willingness
i couldn't let go or had the willingness but for some reason if I just replace some words to ALLOW myself. it gets me to the same place.
Just embrace it, that's how I got beyound it.
allow yourself to cry if you need to. Allow yourself to breakdown.
A breakdown is actaully not a bad thing becuase you're being true to
what is and that's how you truley or honestly feel.
So it's like a break through.
becuase if we fight it, we're are always on the verge of pain
so we constantly are in the suffering mode and we never go
beyound it.
So stuff like life is not without pain ,but suffering is optional
started making sense to me.
just observe yourself as a child and treat yourself with the TLC
that you would have for a child.
I can't really explain my experince with it, becuase it might be different
for everyone, but it's like a rebirth or being reborned.
kind of like the death of the old me and a rebirth of the new me.
the process is a bit painful at times, but there's light on the other side.
or actaully something great steps into my life. Grace some would call it.
that's why those things people say in meeting starts making sence.
Stopped fighting, let go, willingness
i couldn't let go or had the willingness but for some reason if I just replace some words to ALLOW myself. it gets me to the same place.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
At a time that I was feeling very low a friend gave me this, I now pass it on to you...
YOU ARE NEEDED
There is at least one useful and highly important task in this world which will not be done unless YOU do it.
There is some face upon which there will be no smile of joy unless YOU put it there.
There is someone with a breaking heart who will never have the courage to try again unless YOU give it to them.
There is some hard-pressed soul who will not get through the day of doubt unless YOU pass along the simple words of encouragement.
God has made you a necessity and has provided no substitute for YOU.
YOU ARE NEEDED!
YOU ARE NEEDED
There is at least one useful and highly important task in this world which will not be done unless YOU do it.
There is some face upon which there will be no smile of joy unless YOU put it there.
There is someone with a breaking heart who will never have the courage to try again unless YOU give it to them.
There is some hard-pressed soul who will not get through the day of doubt unless YOU pass along the simple words of encouragement.
God has made you a necessity and has provided no substitute for YOU.
YOU ARE NEEDED!
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
I don't want to have a breakdown though - I don't want to end up in bed, unable to do anything for weeks and weeks. I want to avoid having a breakdown, I don't know if I could live through that again, it might just be too much. I want to avoid getting to that point. If I let go completely, I will die. If I don't fight to live, then I won't live. I don't really want my husband to have to deal with my suicide unless he really, really has to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
you don't have to do anything. Do it on your pace, if you want to or don't do it.
some people say when I let go or give up completely, it like I surrender completely.
It's wierd I know...it's a paradox.
so don't worry about, you're exaclty where you soppost to be.
It's okay to feel what you feel and think what you think.
You're on the right track about lowering you expectations.
Be gental to yourself.
some people say when I let go or give up completely, it like I surrender completely.
It's wierd I know...it's a paradox.
so don't worry about, you're exaclty where you soppost to be.
It's okay to feel what you feel and think what you think.
You're on the right track about lowering you expectations.
Be gental to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
First off suicide is not an option. EVER! Maybe you should consider checking yourself into the hopital rather than waiting for your doctor to get back to you regarding medication. Your desperation is very concerning. I am feeling frightened for you.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
Originally Posted by bugsworth 
First off suicide is not an option. EVER! Maybe you should consider checking yourself into the hopital rather than waiting for your doctor to get back to you regarding medication. Your desperation is very concerning. I am feeling frightened for you.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
Originally Posted by bugsworth
You say "surrender completely" What do you mean? Surrender to what?
Does any of that make sense?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
you're doing it right..putting one foot in front of the other.
surrender to nothing or god or your hp of your understanding,
that you don't understand...cuz I don't understand it either.
i don't know, i'm not a mirracle worker..god is.
it's something about faith, or if you're not religiouse
you would say it's trust. So I don't have to figure it and go crazy.
it's beyound my logic to figure god or if there's a god or not a god.
well, here i go again with the trashman story.
I clean house and take out the trash.
i leave my trash on the curb..i trust that the trashman would pick it up.
I don't question it on most days, i just go on
I do this with with complete grace.
well....I don't know the trashman either ,but there's still less trash in my life.
surrender to nothing or god or your hp of your understanding,
that you don't understand...cuz I don't understand it either.
i don't know, i'm not a mirracle worker..god is.
it's something about faith, or if you're not religiouse
you would say it's trust. So I don't have to figure it and go crazy.
it's beyound my logic to figure god or if there's a god or not a god.
well, here i go again with the trashman story.
I clean house and take out the trash.
i leave my trash on the curb..i trust that the trashman would pick it up.
I don't question it on most days, i just go on
I do this with with complete grace.
well....I don't know the trashman either ,but there's still less trash in my life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Yes it does make sense.
Odaat you have been sober for 10 months!!!!!!!!
I don't think you are miserable because you are fighting something. Quite the opposite.
The thoughts in your head are simply that thoughts, your reaction to them are your actions. You fail to see that you are winning this fight by not giving in to the thoughts.
I certainly can't speak to your issues regarding your faith, but I can tell you that for me everyday I am sober is proof that I had the power all along.
My faith has taught me that I need not pray for power I need to appropriate it. I do not have to persuade God to give it to me, it has already been promised to me. It is waiting for my use. If I ever doubt my power I will certainly lose it, rather I need to put it to good use for that is what God intended all along.
Odaat you have been sober for 10 months!!!!!!!!
I don't think you are miserable because you are fighting something. Quite the opposite.
The thoughts in your head are simply that thoughts, your reaction to them are your actions. You fail to see that you are winning this fight by not giving in to the thoughts.
I certainly can't speak to your issues regarding your faith, but I can tell you that for me everyday I am sober is proof that I had the power all along.
My faith has taught me that I need not pray for power I need to appropriate it. I do not have to persuade God to give it to me, it has already been promised to me. It is waiting for my use. If I ever doubt my power I will certainly lose it, rather I need to put it to good use for that is what God intended all along.
Sober But Struggling
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by 51anna
Those are great things to be doing.
I would suggest exercising of some kind - walk/hike, do something that makes you move.
Listen to music. Music has the power to change your mood.
Be kind to yourself.
I would suggest exercising of some kind - walk/hike, do something that makes you move.
Listen to music. Music has the power to change your mood.
Be kind to yourself.
This is very good advice. Even just the music part. Do you ever go to YouTube?
I go on there and look for my favorite music artists. I can be in a real ronchy mood and then type in a YouTube search and end up sitting there for hours happily enjoying listening to music and watching videos.
I love YouTube because the content keeps getting bigger and you are in control of what you watch. There are even companies like Sony that sponser the site and put really awsome videos up that you may have never seen before and can really bring a thrill to you.
Once I came upon a music companies videos and they had some really great Motown stuff like Smokey Robinson and Chaka Khan, The Supremes.
You name it. You can find it on there.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
Another day done.
This is hard, but I'm going to keep going. Kept busy today - sorted out several boxes that have just been doing nothing since I moved house 2 years ago. I don't know how I amass so much junk. Is this is whats meant by 'cleaning house'?
This is hard, but I'm going to keep going. Kept busy today - sorted out several boxes that have just been doing nothing since I moved house 2 years ago. I don't know how I amass so much junk. Is this is whats meant by 'cleaning house'?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Will, i was one of those too. when i hear " clean house"
i went home and clean house. it helped a lot becuse my
house did get cleaner and I was able to relax or think clearer.
but , i didn't really grasp the entire concept of what the
heck it would have to do with anything about me staying sober
or spirituality.
I learned alot about me in that process thou...yeap like having
a box full of stuff that i drag around from place to place and
not really knowing what's in the box or what i have.
and even when i was sorting the stuff . i had a heck of a time
throwning stuff out. i would negociate with myself for days
on stuff that I've havn't seen or used for years. i deem i needed
then for some reason. i draged the stuff around all my life.
As i was doing this stuff on the outside..i still went through
thought process or had emotional attachments to things.
But as i clean or throw some of the stuff away... i learned
how to let go. progess works like that for me ...baby steps.
as i got into the steps. i found my experince of cleaning house
on the outside was very helpful. I had a practice run at it.
So..as I got to doing the inside job.
guess what ?..I reacted to alot of my problems as i did with
cleaning house on the outside. So I knew i was capiable of
overcoming or getting the job done of cleaning stuff on the outside.
I just applied my experince, strenght and hope to cleaning
house on the inside. it just takes longer for me to clean house
on the inside...for me at least.
i went home and clean house. it helped a lot becuse my
house did get cleaner and I was able to relax or think clearer.
but , i didn't really grasp the entire concept of what the
heck it would have to do with anything about me staying sober
or spirituality.
I learned alot about me in that process thou...yeap like having
a box full of stuff that i drag around from place to place and
not really knowing what's in the box or what i have.
and even when i was sorting the stuff . i had a heck of a time
throwning stuff out. i would negociate with myself for days
on stuff that I've havn't seen or used for years. i deem i needed
then for some reason. i draged the stuff around all my life.
As i was doing this stuff on the outside..i still went through
thought process or had emotional attachments to things.
But as i clean or throw some of the stuff away... i learned
how to let go. progess works like that for me ...baby steps.
as i got into the steps. i found my experince of cleaning house
on the outside was very helpful. I had a practice run at it.
So..as I got to doing the inside job.
guess what ?..I reacted to alot of my problems as i did with
cleaning house on the outside. So I knew i was capiable of
overcoming or getting the job done of cleaning stuff on the outside.
I just applied my experince, strenght and hope to cleaning
house on the inside. it just takes longer for me to clean house
on the inside...for me at least.
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