Is it a grieving process?
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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Is it a grieving process?
So many of us have been struggling the past 2 weeks. Today after almost 7 weeks for the first time I felt hopeful and even a little joy began to stir in my heart. When I look back on these past weeks I realize I went through the 5 stages of grief at one point or another: DENIAL (I'm not an alcoholic, just a heavy drinker who needs to use more willpower) ANGER (Why do I have to have this curse? Life will never be the same if I can't drink!) BARGAINING (I'll be more careful, I'll just drink on special occasions/weekends/holidays-just don't take it away altogether!), DEPRESSION (Nothing will ever be fun anymore, I can't face life without my "friend" by my side), ACCEPTANCE (Alrighty then: Back's against the wall, nowhere to run, end of the road for me. I can't go back to LaLa Land ever again. Somehow, I have to build a new life and find out who I was destined to be before alcohol sucked the life out of me.)
We are grieving, aren't we? It is the loss of a relationship, even if it was a toxic one. We have a void to fill. No wonder some of us are wondering why we're bothering getting sober if we still feel like hell. Even though we've been warned that it takes a long time to reap the benefits of quitting, it still seems to move so slowly and we're impatient for the euphoria we expect to feel. When we truly, in our hearts, accept the loss of our companion, only then can we grow and move on. It took me about 6 of those 7 weeks to accept it, even though I knew I couldn't drink anymore.
Not as well put as I'd have liked, but wanted to put it out there.....
We are grieving, aren't we? It is the loss of a relationship, even if it was a toxic one. We have a void to fill. No wonder some of us are wondering why we're bothering getting sober if we still feel like hell. Even though we've been warned that it takes a long time to reap the benefits of quitting, it still seems to move so slowly and we're impatient for the euphoria we expect to feel. When we truly, in our hearts, accept the loss of our companion, only then can we grow and move on. It took me about 6 of those 7 weeks to accept it, even though I knew I couldn't drink anymore.
Not as well put as I'd have liked, but wanted to put it out there.....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 984
Really hits the nail on the head. I fear that process. right now I'm just trying to find more resources and more friends to talk to.
I think that very well put and we should all remember what that was like
I went through it once and dread going through it again. But I know in order to feel good about me I need to face what I have. A disease. I know that when I finally look it in the eyes I will go through that process. I have to in order to get to the real me. Not just a distorted sense of who I want to be
I think that very well put and we should all remember what that was like
I went through it once and dread going through it again. But I know in order to feel good about me I need to face what I have. A disease. I know that when I finally look it in the eyes I will go through that process. I have to in order to get to the real me. Not just a distorted sense of who I want to be
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I truly agree that it is a grieving process! Yes, our doc was our best friend for a long time. Even if that friend wants to kill us.
Congratulations on 7 weeks! Isn't is great to be alive?
Congratulations on 7 weeks! Isn't is great to be alive?
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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Yes, it is. I honestly feel I've been face to face with the devil and won the battle...this time! The war will never be won, though. Must stay vigilant. SR has done this for me, I wasn't making it on my own.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Seven Days!!!!!!
Hi Hevyn,
That first week is so hard....just be proud of yourself and the fact that you can recognize the grieving you are going through. You have to love yourself and pat yourself on the back some of the time for the recognition you need.
I was so crazy sick when I first quit and very depressed..due to my history of clinical depression along with my alcoholism. After a year I followed through on some goals I had set and was able to accomplish them.
In the beginning I could not visualize myself not ever drinking again much less have any amount of sobriety. I had been drinking daily for four years and stayed drunk all day on the weekends. I made it to work all week but some days were horrible with hangovers.
You are on the right road being in this forum. SoberRecovery is one of the best forums I have been involved in and we make it as good as we are able to share and ask questions as they come up. Keep up the good work!!!!
kelsh
That first week is so hard....just be proud of yourself and the fact that you can recognize the grieving you are going through. You have to love yourself and pat yourself on the back some of the time for the recognition you need.
I was so crazy sick when I first quit and very depressed..due to my history of clinical depression along with my alcoholism. After a year I followed through on some goals I had set and was able to accomplish them.
In the beginning I could not visualize myself not ever drinking again much less have any amount of sobriety. I had been drinking daily for four years and stayed drunk all day on the weekends. I made it to work all week but some days were horrible with hangovers.
You are on the right road being in this forum. SoberRecovery is one of the best forums I have been involved in and we make it as good as we are able to share and ask questions as they come up. Keep up the good work!!!!
kelsh
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Oh Yes, it is so much a grieving process for us as we go through this.
One of the best books I ever read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir of a young, high-functioning, high-achieving alcoholic who has a love affair with alcohol. She reached her bottom and picked herself up and moved forward. She gave me the belief that I could mourn the loss, pick myself up and have a good life.
One of the best books I ever read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir of a young, high-functioning, high-achieving alcoholic who has a love affair with alcohol. She reached her bottom and picked herself up and moved forward. She gave me the belief that I could mourn the loss, pick myself up and have a good life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: US
Posts: 195
very well said.
Helvyn,
I wish I were as strong as you.
Alyce
I wish I were as strong as you.
Alyce
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
So many of us have been struggling the past 2 weeks. Today after almost 7 weeks for the first time I felt hopeful and even a little joy began to stir in my heart. When I look back on these past weeks I realize I went through the 5 stages of grief at one point or another: DENIAL (I'm not an alcoholic, just a heavy drinker who needs to use more willpower) ANGER (Why do I have to have this curse? Life will never be the same if I can't drink!) BARGAINING (I'll be more careful, I'll just drink on special occasions/weekends/holidays-just don't take it away altogether!), DEPRESSION (Nothing will ever be fun anymore, I can't face life without my "friend" by my side), ACCEPTANCE (Alrighty then: Back's against the wall, nowhere to run, end of the road for me. I can't go back to LaLa Land ever again. Somehow, I have to build a new life and find out who I was destined to be before alcohol sucked the life out of me.)
We are grieving, aren't we? It is the loss of a relationship, even if it was a toxic one. We have a void to fill. No wonder some of us are wondering why we're bothering getting sober if we still feel like hell. Even though we've been warned that it takes a long time to reap the benefits of quitting, it still seems to move so slowly and we're impatient for the euphoria we expect to feel. When we truly, in our hearts, accept the loss of our companion, only then can we grow and move on. It took me about 6 of those 7 weeks to accept it, even though I knew I couldn't drink anymore.
Not as well put as I'd have liked, but wanted to put it out there.....
We are grieving, aren't we? It is the loss of a relationship, even if it was a toxic one. We have a void to fill. No wonder some of us are wondering why we're bothering getting sober if we still feel like hell. Even though we've been warned that it takes a long time to reap the benefits of quitting, it still seems to move so slowly and we're impatient for the euphoria we expect to feel. When we truly, in our hearts, accept the loss of our companion, only then can we grow and move on. It took me about 6 of those 7 weeks to accept it, even though I knew I couldn't drink anymore.
Not as well put as I'd have liked, but wanted to put it out there.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Thank you, friends
Alyce, so sweet of you to say it, but I don't deserve that compliment - I'm not strong, I'm a wreck. I still don't trust myself entirely! Remember, it took me over 30 YEARS to get to this point! A strong person would have gotten the job done long ago, before ruined relationships, DUI's, bankruptcy, health issues, etc. You sound as if you're far stronger than me & you've reached out for help at a far younger age, while you can still fix things.
Thanks for responding - I was afraid no one would - I'm such a paranoid, fragile soul! I must confess when I can't get on 'puter I suffer withdrawal from SR.
Thanks for responding - I was afraid no one would - I'm such a paranoid, fragile soul! I must confess when I can't get on 'puter I suffer withdrawal from SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Great post! Very well said! I do agree that it is a grieving process. It is a loss of something that took up a bunch of time in our lives. Fortunately, since giving it up, it makes room for other things. Things that involve really living!
Blessings and congrats on 7 weeks!
Blessings and congrats on 7 weeks!
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