ok, I want to die
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Nothing makes my heart ache more than thinking a person feels so hopeless/helpless that they want to resort to self-destructing...when, if they just reach out to those who understand the illness, they can find the strength to survive Together we can do what we cannot do alone!
.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
This is from Chapter 11, Page 152, of the Big Book:
I guess the authors understood the pain of the suffering active alcoholic.
He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Ah Yes....
Those horrible dark feelings of wishing to die
are why I began my AA recovery.
:wow: what a fantastic life I would have missed out on!
Back to basics Alyce...you do know the solution.
(+) (+) (+) Hugs and Prayers
Those horrible dark feelings of wishing to die
are why I began my AA recovery.
:wow: what a fantastic life I would have missed out on!
Back to basics Alyce...you do know the solution.
(+) (+) (+) Hugs and Prayers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: US
Posts: 195
well, I am alive, again, today. And I think my first really bad moment is my (drug-induced) sleep wakeup.
Should just get up and on here, anytime.
Thanks for the support. It is only 7:30 Am here and I have time to make this a better day. Think I will finish this kahlua/coffee mix (now that I am not shaking) and have some plain coffee.
Having so much support is amazing.
Alyce
Should just get up and on here, anytime.
Thanks for the support. It is only 7:30 Am here and I have time to make this a better day. Think I will finish this kahlua/coffee mix (now that I am not shaking) and have some plain coffee.
Having so much support is amazing.
Alyce
I'm a Pickle
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
Sorry you are feeling like you have to drink in the morning. That must really suck.
Glad you are going to have plain coffee now.... Good to hear from you this morning and know you are okay......
Glad you are going to have plain coffee now.... Good to hear from you this morning and know you are okay......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Are you not going to throw that Kalhua out then?????????? (I am assuming that's an alcoholic drink).
If you start drinking first thing in the morning it's normal you'll get dissapointed later in the day about not being sober.
You've got to start making actions, and in my modest oppinion the first step to take on your course of action is to eliminate them morning drinks.
Stay in bed if that's what it takes.
If you start drinking first thing in the morning it's normal you'll get dissapointed later in the day about not being sober.
You've got to start making actions, and in my modest oppinion the first step to take on your course of action is to eliminate them morning drinks.
Stay in bed if that's what it takes.
Sober But Struggling
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 73
I am glad you are still with us Alyce14.
It is good that you are being honest with us about the kahlua this morning.
But, Oh my garsh, if I had a kahlua this morning, Then I would not be able to say that I have 7 days. And that kahlua would not even get me a little typsy. Then I would be out for a bottle of Jack.
Tommorrow can you try one of those wonderful iced cappocinos by Starbucks that you can purchase at most grocery stores now. They kind of taste the same as kahlua/coffee. But, no alcohol.
I did a sampling event for those things and I am not a coffe drinker. But, The mocca one is absolutely awsome. It may just be the pick you up you need in the morning instead of what you are drinking now.
gottaquit
It is good that you are being honest with us about the kahlua this morning.
But, Oh my garsh, if I had a kahlua this morning, Then I would not be able to say that I have 7 days. And that kahlua would not even get me a little typsy. Then I would be out for a bottle of Jack.
Tommorrow can you try one of those wonderful iced cappocinos by Starbucks that you can purchase at most grocery stores now. They kind of taste the same as kahlua/coffee. But, no alcohol.
I did a sampling event for those things and I am not a coffe drinker. But, The mocca one is absolutely awsome. It may just be the pick you up you need in the morning instead of what you are drinking now.
gottaquit
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
Hi Alyce,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so rough. But the others are right you know. You must kick the morning booze if you are going to get rolling with this. Kahlua is a strong stuff and its just going to leave alcohol sloshing round your system all day again.
There is no easy way to do this. You just have to go for it and quit all alcohol and start the recovery process. When I was drinking heavily I couldnt see how I could possibly quit and starting thinking suicidal thoughts. But it really IS the booze talking. It makes you sick mentally even if you cant see it (I couldnt). As time has passed and my mind has returned I see things differently now. I know its hard to see that right now but please just give yourself a chance. It really really does get better!
Sorry to hear you are feeling so rough. But the others are right you know. You must kick the morning booze if you are going to get rolling with this. Kahlua is a strong stuff and its just going to leave alcohol sloshing round your system all day again.
There is no easy way to do this. You just have to go for it and quit all alcohol and start the recovery process. When I was drinking heavily I couldnt see how I could possibly quit and starting thinking suicidal thoughts. But it really IS the booze talking. It makes you sick mentally even if you cant see it (I couldnt). As time has passed and my mind has returned I see things differently now. I know its hard to see that right now but please just give yourself a chance. It really really does get better!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Alyce, Octoman is spot on. If you are still drinking it is the booze warping your normal RATIONAL thinking. I too was so scared at the end of my drinking I had crazy thought...I shudder to think of them...Please do this for yourself.
Power of Positive Thinking!
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Richland, WA
Posts: 39
Alyce,
You can do it. It's not easy. If it were, there wouldn't be AA. I needed to just stop drinking. Damd the shakes, and the bad feelings. Had to get all the alcohol and drugs out right then and there. Had to get myself out of the house and start walking. When to an early morning meeting. That first day sucked. Though I'm not by any means perfect, as I've come back on several occations, it's always been easier to return than the last time. And I'm not the only one like me.
A friend once told me that sucide is the cowards way out. It's easy to do. Living life on life's terms is the hard part. Besides, God doesn't like those who quit on life.
You can do it. It's not easy. If it were, there wouldn't be AA. I needed to just stop drinking. Damd the shakes, and the bad feelings. Had to get all the alcohol and drugs out right then and there. Had to get myself out of the house and start walking. When to an early morning meeting. That first day sucked. Though I'm not by any means perfect, as I've come back on several occations, it's always been easier to return than the last time. And I'm not the only one like me.
A friend once told me that sucide is the cowards way out. It's easy to do. Living life on life's terms is the hard part. Besides, God doesn't like those who quit on life.
Sober But Struggling
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 73
Yes, also please try to remember, it was the alcohol that almost took your life last night. Not your normal mind.
As I have told you earlier. I have been suicidal in the past also.
But, Today on my 7th day sober, even though I am feeling really depressed and feel actual hatred for no reason at all. I don't feel suicidal.
If I drank today. I could almost bet any money, later today I would be either sharpening a knife or downing a few handsfull of pills. Instead, Since I don't have to work. I'm going to take it easy and watch TV all day. Maybe if I feel better in a little while. I'll go to the grocery store and by some much needed cat litter.
Sounds like a lot of fun huh? I know, Boring.
But, I am looking forward to better days. I know I won't feel this way every day.
You won't either. Give yourself a chance. Just try. I know you want to or you wouldn't be here.
As I have told you earlier. I have been suicidal in the past also.
But, Today on my 7th day sober, even though I am feeling really depressed and feel actual hatred for no reason at all. I don't feel suicidal.
If I drank today. I could almost bet any money, later today I would be either sharpening a knife or downing a few handsfull of pills. Instead, Since I don't have to work. I'm going to take it easy and watch TV all day. Maybe if I feel better in a little while. I'll go to the grocery store and by some much needed cat litter.
Sounds like a lot of fun huh? I know, Boring.
But, I am looking forward to better days. I know I won't feel this way every day.
You won't either. Give yourself a chance. Just try. I know you want to or you wouldn't be here.
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