Pilgrim

My head is messy. I am scared. Crying.

We read Tradition 9 Wednesday - there are no rules. 3 alcoholics in a room can call themseves an AA meeting.

But I go to a conscience meeting and there are new rules being made - around sober dates. You "have" to be a year sober to read the blimming premble.

I popped my head over the wall and reminded them how much us newcomers need a chance to do service. I got a nice lecture and they did it anyway. Then they nominated me for the position. WTF? I was so humiliated to have to say I didn't have enough time up my sleeve.

They said there was the job of sponsorship officer. I was interested and suggested that we raise our hands if we are available becuase I had a terrible time trying to get a sponsor. A woman walked out!

Help. I am feeling very unstable right now.

I was already feeling useless in my dealings with humans.

Groups fight each other too apparently.

AA is my lifeline. It takes away my loneliness. I feel like I need it to work OK. I feel like I am watching it crumble. It's like a kid seeing their father fill the Christmas stocking.

I am keen to make this a very positive thread please. I need to find some peace from your responses. I pray for that now.

best

What did you learn from your experience?
Did you do what was right even though it may have been upsetting?
As I was reading your post, my thoughts were... you are right where you need to be.
If we don't ask the questions, we don't get answers. If we don't get answers, we don't grow as fast as we could. So... did your actions help you grow or help others grow and learn? If so... it was a good day. Be grateful for the day.

Jules62

Oh Steph honey,

I don't completely understand what happened (my brains a bit foggy today and I'm not up with the play on conscience meetings etc) but I just wanted to give you a hug and tell you it's going to be ok.You don't have to lose your lifeline over this.I really do understand how it takes away your lonliness.I don't have any real advice right now-just wanted to let you know you're not alone-regardless of what happened today.

Much love,

Julesxox

Pilgrim

Hi Jules. Thank you.

I think I will just do the dishes for a year and stay away from committees!! I was always useless at them anyway.

Sorry to hear about the fog Jules hun. It's a bit of a movie day here. Maybe that would be a good way to pass the time before another meeting.

I have a headache and I am still in my jammies. Not feeling guilty either. It's been a big week at work.

You know guys, I was thinking that it is just that I am embarrassed to say I don't have much sober time even though I have been trying for 8 months. I only have 2 months. I think maybe my pride is in there - and I felt all ready for a real job - not just buying milk. Seems I may have to work a bit harder on humility and pride before I go back. I still get all confused. When I get more humility, my sponsor tells me not to put myself down. I don't have the difference yet.

I am having one of those "I give up so I am staying in bed" days.

And I have a headache and PMT.

Thanks Best. I wonder too if I am happy with what I said and I am happy that I made suggestions and I am just not prepared for the response. I guess we can't always expect a positive repsonse but I am a chronic codie people pleaser.

I wish I could get better faster sometimes.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

BIG HUGS PILGRIM.

Karen

misslisa

Hello Pilgrim!!!!

Im not to sure what to say (for once!) But just hang in there, voice your concerns to the group leaders (what ever they call themselves) stick to your guns girl.

lots of hugs

misslisa

Dee74

OK, being a big stubborn lone wolf I have no idea what y'all are talking about, but like Jules said Steph, it will be ok.

There's good and not so good in everything. Take the good and cherish it and do what you can to change the other, or accept it if that's the only option.

and...maybe this is a bit cheeky of me, but hang it - you're my mate - maybe you need to do something more than just 'pass the time before another meeting' Steph...?

isn't AA about helping you build yourself a better life ?

D

angie9

Huggs Steph Im not good with people in which Ill right a post later about my worries. I just want to say youve become a friend too me and Im proud to know you as if it wasnt for you and the others Im too scared to even think where I would be.
take care
Ang

CarolD

I'm pleased you attended a group concious meeting
and spoke up.
That is how groups change and grow.

Hurrah for you!!

The point to remember is that AA has many
opprtunities for service work. I can no longer
do some positions due to my vision.
Soooo
now I am the phone contact and I help with
cleaning and supplies.
I swear I am the only one who puts the
toilet paper on the holder!!!

Relax ...AA is not crumbling nor is it sitting still.
Our younger members keep us growning.
Thank You.

Double Hugs

paulmh

Hi Pilgrim

AA is wonderful but it's not perfect. That's only a problem if I indulge my need for it to be perfect.

Tolerance, acceptance, gratitude. When I practice these, repeatedly, they bring about a change in me which occurs in its own time, not when I think it should. I'm glad you've got a home group, and it sounds like it gives you all sorts of benefits in terms of your own feeling of hope and wellbeing. Perhaps now is a good time to just keep reminding yourself of the good stuff, and your gratitude for it?

Rusty Zipper

step steph, more info on the workings of your group?

this is how it is at my HG... the chair reads the preamble, and group conscious...

that requirement is for one year clean...

thats persons job is to oversee the meets.. nothing more, nothing less...

a year of haveing the steps in ones life helps keep the egos out, and responsibility in...

once a horsethief, if no change, stil a horsethief...

you just do the next right thing, be responsible for your part, and all will be ok...

love and blessings to you steph!

rusty

mike_mass

I really don't like business meetings.

parentrecovers

i got nothing to offer on this topic, pilgrim. but i just wanted to send you some support and hugs, k

:WE1Sprinkler:

gypsytears

I don't do AA Steph... but like K, wanted to lend some support.

Jersey Nonny

Ditto, mike!

Oh, Steph...I used to say, "In order to have a Group Conscience Meeting, it would help to have a conscience!" Not to them, of course. You just learned why a lot of new groups get started...dissention in the ranks!

I used to hate Business Meetings; but, in order to be an active member of the group, I had to attend them. And, since I had many more years than some of the newbies who insisted on going against the group's established protocol, I was constantly butting heads. But, I refused to be intimidated...that's just me, though.

Unfortunately, "group conscience" does prevail, even though some of it doesn't necessarily make good sense. But, hang in there, and serve the group in whatever way you feel comfortable for now. Don't put down dish washers or coffee makers...somebody has to do it...and, if it helps keep you sober...good job!!!

Pilgrim

Thanks all.

Haha. I am a single mother of three Jersey love. I do at least 3 hours of housecleaning and dishwashing a day. And I swear I am the only one in the whole world who ever puts toilet paper on toilet holders. What is with that Carol????

Putting down dishwashers is not what I meant to do at all. It's just that we don't need to be in committees to do that and right now, I think I prefer to stay out of the business side of things. My sponsor suggested doing dishes for a year or so and I think it is a great plan.

People seem touchy in those committees and I don't seem to have enough recovery to handle all that emotion.

I have a job that involves lots of meetings. I feel OK in those. Suggestions are always welcome if the intention is to make business work better.

Thanks everyone for keeping this so postitive. Everything I read was helpful and supportive.

Dee - thanks for caring. Yea - that would be sad to live from one meeting to the next. I was addressing myself to someone only just in. That's not how I live my life but it was a bit like that when I was newly involved in AA - in those first awful days. Before I did my steps, and when the cravings were bad, meetings and SR were my focus. Now, they are a highlight in a life full of joy. Still - even though I am not so often here these days and I don't attend quite so many meetings, I enjoy them and I look forward to them. Life is good and knowing AA will always be there for me has allowed me to live happily on my own for the first time in my 43 years of life.

I want to give back and I am learning how to do that.

The requirement for one year clean to do service just seems odd. It's like someone saying we have to get better before we can do what it takes to get better. And having to ask 8 people to find a sponsor was hard and I drank in between. I am grateful I am here to post this. If a meeting I attended had done the hand raising sponsorship available thing, it would have made it easier. That's what I think and that's what I suggested. The woman who got in a huff about that has never said a word to me in 8months since I joined. In my home group, I would like a newcomer to have a better experience. Sothere. I said it now I shut up and do dishes. Happily but with a tinge of the grumps.

Captain Kirk

Hi!
I feel like that too.
I'm ok in one-on-one situations (even with girls) and I'm ok in groups of people who I know, but when I'm around strangers I get all anxious and shy and self-concious and I don't talk at all. Basically I just go all weird.
I know how you feel. I was sober for 6 and half years once. The "uselessness" issue went away after a while. Don't worry about it too much.
As for what happened at your meeting, relax, you tried your best. Don't feel bad about it.
Take care.

Pilgrim

Thanks for that Aldo. Progress is being made!!!

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Pilgrim, I agree with you, its scary to find a sponsor. The meeting where I found mine, shows hands up for folks who are available, and that really does help!

Karen

nogard

hi Pilgrim maybe take it inbaby steps and look for a temp sponsor. Some groups offer temp sponsorship until you find a sponsor that suits you.

Kevin