God's going to kill you for your sins.
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
God's going to kill you for your sins.
God's going to kill you for your sins.
This is what my minister father has essentially preached to me for years and who knows...he may be right. I'm sure as heck suffering, no doubt about that. According to the Bible, drunks can never enter the kingdom of Heaven.
Tried AA, Church, Forums, Prayer, Meds, etc for years (didn't work). I drink about a case of beer every other day and have done so for over a year. My brain is totally pickled and I am on my "last legs". I don't have blackouts, hallucinations, spitting up blood, etc. I can't stop drinking. I need help. I own 2 businesses, run a farm and have numerous other responsabilities. No, I'm not a "rich snob". In fact, I am VERY generous and freindly and donate a LOT of my money to charity and am involved in numerous philanthropic endeavors.
I realize that many people will tell me that I need to do the "steps", sit on a prayer mat for hours each day and that I should just "smile and be happy", etc. I'm not looking for platitudes or well-wishes (although I appreciate them). I need real and serious help and I need advice before I die. Every day I die just a little bit more. Family is no help at all. Total apathy. Empathy. Lack of interest. How utterly sad. I would rather marry my dog, goat, goose or horse or a circus freak than spend one second of family time with my so-called "family" who does nothing but judge, blame, inflame and criticize. My animals NEVER judge me!. I'm not an alcoholic...I'm a human being with feelings and a precious life that is being destroyed.
My father, who is absolutley fanatical about religion has convinced me that God is "trying to get my attention" or is "punishing me" and that he (God) wants me in church and THIS is why I can't stop drinking. I am so brainwashed into following this vein of thinking that I have enveloped my entire life around it. I feel like a sick heathen most of the time because I dare to...well...I'd better stop here because I'll probably get banned for using a certain word. Anyway, war may be H*ll but alcoholism is just as bad!!!.
- Need4Change
This is what my minister father has essentially preached to me for years and who knows...he may be right. I'm sure as heck suffering, no doubt about that. According to the Bible, drunks can never enter the kingdom of Heaven.
Tried AA, Church, Forums, Prayer, Meds, etc for years (didn't work). I drink about a case of beer every other day and have done so for over a year. My brain is totally pickled and I am on my "last legs". I don't have blackouts, hallucinations, spitting up blood, etc. I can't stop drinking. I need help. I own 2 businesses, run a farm and have numerous other responsabilities. No, I'm not a "rich snob". In fact, I am VERY generous and freindly and donate a LOT of my money to charity and am involved in numerous philanthropic endeavors.
I realize that many people will tell me that I need to do the "steps", sit on a prayer mat for hours each day and that I should just "smile and be happy", etc. I'm not looking for platitudes or well-wishes (although I appreciate them). I need real and serious help and I need advice before I die. Every day I die just a little bit more. Family is no help at all. Total apathy. Empathy. Lack of interest. How utterly sad. I would rather marry my dog, goat, goose or horse or a circus freak than spend one second of family time with my so-called "family" who does nothing but judge, blame, inflame and criticize. My animals NEVER judge me!. I'm not an alcoholic...I'm a human being with feelings and a precious life that is being destroyed.
My father, who is absolutley fanatical about religion has convinced me that God is "trying to get my attention" or is "punishing me" and that he (God) wants me in church and THIS is why I can't stop drinking. I am so brainwashed into following this vein of thinking that I have enveloped my entire life around it. I feel like a sick heathen most of the time because I dare to...well...I'd better stop here because I'll probably get banned for using a certain word. Anyway, war may be H*ll but alcoholism is just as bad!!!.
- Need4Change
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
God is good, Need4. It's as simple as that. No one, not me, not you, not your father knows the mind and heart of Our Father in Heaven. I will pray that you find the help you need. I don't know what to suggest to help you. I can see that it would be very difficult for you to get away from your responsibilities (I was raised on a farm and work on one now & I know that it is a 24/7 prospect), but if there is any way you can see your way clear to an in-patient rehab, maybe? Can you afford to hire someone to look after the businesses and the farm for a while?(too bad we aren't near one another or I would at least help you with the farm)
Maybe, however, I should just leave it at...do whatever it takes. Don't die, my friend.
Maybe, however, I should just leave it at...do whatever it takes. Don't die, my friend.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
You need advise before you die??? How about this advise. "Quit drinking or you're going to die".
That is one of 4 possibilities that happen to most, if not all, Alcoholics. Your choices are as follows.
1) Prison time
2) Mental institution
3) die from it!
4) Quit drinking!
How much longer are you going to talk about it? More "Backbone" and less "Wishbone" is in order here.
That is one of 4 possibilities that happen to most, if not all, Alcoholics. Your choices are as follows.
1) Prison time
2) Mental institution
3) die from it!
4) Quit drinking!
How much longer are you going to talk about it? More "Backbone" and less "Wishbone" is in order here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Wow, Needs, I am sorry you've had to listen to that kind of baloney from your father. But, many of us don't depend on our families to help us through this. I didn't and couldn't. There was no help there, whatsoever. And, it was in fact, my dear cat who was the only one who gave me any comfort.
If I were you, I would focus on not drinking. Don't deal with your family right now and don't focus on the religious aspect of life. Just work on not drinking. If you are able to believe that there is an HP out there, guiding your life, that will help you a lot.
And, yes, alcoholism is horrible and it will kill you if you don't stop drinking. Please take care of yourself.
If I were you, I would focus on not drinking. Don't deal with your family right now and don't focus on the religious aspect of life. Just work on not drinking. If you are able to believe that there is an HP out there, guiding your life, that will help you a lot.
And, yes, alcoholism is horrible and it will kill you if you don't stop drinking. Please take care of yourself.
I'm here of my own free will..
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 23
Wow! Well I don't have muc advice on this one but maybe go speak to another minister or go to confessions. When I first become sober I didn't think I could do it. So, I sat back one da and thought ho would my life be with out drugs? Then I tought how my life would be with just drugs. What I saw was a slap in the face! I pictured myself dieing in a crazy way because I was fudged up! I would have no one. Try doing that. And as far as you going to hell... ask God for forgivness and just keep trying to get better. You have to want to do yourself. Oh and God drank didn't he? I don't know. But anyways I hope this helped a little bit. Im only 134 days sober so Im still getting a lot of questions answered. If you eer need to talk... Im here and so are thousands of others!
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I edited my post many times since I originally posted it. Several times I refreshed the browser and thought that it had been deleted because it was too controversial (ie; it appeared to be locked).
All I can say is that I was raised on a very strict diet of religion and so everything I think, do or live in my day-to-day life is focused around religion. I don't even have *** anymore. I don't do many of the things I once enjoyed because from what I was taught, just about everything you do is a SIN or is EVIL and can send you to Hell.
Sorry, I love ALL of you and I would die even sooner if not for this forum but you would have to understand my strict "Jesus camp" upbringing (Christian baseball, Christian outings, Christian canoe trips, Christian summer camp, Christian schools, Christian-style of going to the bathroom...EVERYTHING Christian.
I even spent 2 years in New Tribes Mission at age seven living in "jungle camp" (including eating snakes, wild dock and living on a tablespoon of salt for 2 weeks). Plus Africa, missionary training, eating pigs raised on human feces, living with various tribes, etc. You people have no idea what I've been through (not your fault though so PLEASE don't be offended). I'm just finally opening up, that's all and I apologize if I've offend anyone (I don't mean to, really).
- Warm regards, Need4Change
All I can say is that I was raised on a very strict diet of religion and so everything I think, do or live in my day-to-day life is focused around religion. I don't even have *** anymore. I don't do many of the things I once enjoyed because from what I was taught, just about everything you do is a SIN or is EVIL and can send you to Hell.
Sorry, I love ALL of you and I would die even sooner if not for this forum but you would have to understand my strict "Jesus camp" upbringing (Christian baseball, Christian outings, Christian canoe trips, Christian summer camp, Christian schools, Christian-style of going to the bathroom...EVERYTHING Christian.
I even spent 2 years in New Tribes Mission at age seven living in "jungle camp" (including eating snakes, wild dock and living on a tablespoon of salt for 2 weeks). Plus Africa, missionary training, eating pigs raised on human feces, living with various tribes, etc. You people have no idea what I've been through (not your fault though so PLEASE don't be offended). I'm just finally opening up, that's all and I apologize if I've offend anyone (I don't mean to, really).
- Warm regards, Need4Change
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Need,
I'm sorry that the God of your understanding isn't a kind one. I know that you said you've tried everything, what about detox? And therapy? You aren't doomed to this life. You have free will and choices. Especially to find a different understanding of your HP.
Big hugs
Karen
I'm sorry that the God of your understanding isn't a kind one. I know that you said you've tried everything, what about detox? And therapy? You aren't doomed to this life. You have free will and choices. Especially to find a different understanding of your HP.
Big hugs
Karen
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: media, pa
Posts: 243
Hi Need4Change,
from what you wrote i don't think you've sinned at all; to me it sounds like you have a drinking problem thats probably exasperated by your family's condemnation. that's been my problem with Christianity - the dichotomous thinking, right or wrong, black and white.
im glad that you've found support from SR, and your dear animals. this may sound pathetic, but my aquarium fish give me a lot of support by keeping me calm, and making me feel like I matter. if i become religious b4 i die, i will probably see them in fish heaven.
so, N4C. you've got some things working in your favor - no blood spitting, or DTs. the choice to proactively abstain from alcohol is yours. figure out a plan that will work for you. also figure out a way to deal with your feelings when you can't numb your pain anymore.
some people spend their entire lives chasing happiness, and never find it. it is all to human to lose our way, especially when the odds are against you, like the lack of familial support. but there comes a time when you have a lightbulb moment, when you realize it ain't working, and you start moving in another direction.
my philosophy is it aint a mistake if you learn from it.
take a chance and embark on some positive changes. wishing you well.
from what you wrote i don't think you've sinned at all; to me it sounds like you have a drinking problem thats probably exasperated by your family's condemnation. that's been my problem with Christianity - the dichotomous thinking, right or wrong, black and white.
im glad that you've found support from SR, and your dear animals. this may sound pathetic, but my aquarium fish give me a lot of support by keeping me calm, and making me feel like I matter. if i become religious b4 i die, i will probably see them in fish heaven.
so, N4C. you've got some things working in your favor - no blood spitting, or DTs. the choice to proactively abstain from alcohol is yours. figure out a plan that will work for you. also figure out a way to deal with your feelings when you can't numb your pain anymore.
some people spend their entire lives chasing happiness, and never find it. it is all to human to lose our way, especially when the odds are against you, like the lack of familial support. but there comes a time when you have a lightbulb moment, when you realize it ain't working, and you start moving in another direction.
my philosophy is it aint a mistake if you learn from it.
take a chance and embark on some positive changes. wishing you well.
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
Detox requires time, isolation, weeks...months. I don't have anyone to manage my affairs, my farm, my businesses, etc. Who's going to pay the bills?. I realize it's my life on the line here but in life, one has to also consider personal responsabilites (while they are still alive)...even though death may follow. It's just a natural human inclination.
Originally Posted by merlotmamma 
Need,
I'm sorry that the God of your understanding isn't a kind one. I know that you said you've tried everything, what about detox? And therapy? You aren't doomed to this life. You have free will and choices. Especially to find a different understanding of your HP.
Big hugs
Karen
I'm sorry that the God of your understanding isn't a kind one. I know that you said you've tried everything, what about detox? And therapy? You aren't doomed to this life. You have free will and choices. Especially to find a different understanding of your HP.
Big hugs
Karen
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
this helps me...the talking to the critical vioce..was every,every, helpful.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...wer-posts.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...wer-posts.html
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I've owned both salt and freshwater aquariums (including a "japanese garden") so I hear you there :-).
Originally Posted by Afraid2Succeed
Hi Need4Change,
from what you wrote i don't think you've sinned at all; to me it sounds like you have a drinking problem thats probably exasperated by your family's condemnation. that's been my problem with Christianity - the dichotomous thinking, right or wrong, black and white.
im glad that you've found support from SR, and your dear animals. this may sound pathetic, but my aquarium fish give me a lot of support by keeping me calm, and making me feel like I matter. if i become religious b4 i die, i will probably see them in fish heaven.
so, N4C. you've got some things working in your favor - no blood spitting, or DTs. the choice to proactively abstain from alcohol is yours. figure out a plan that will work for you. also figure out a way to deal with your feelings when you can't numb your pain anymore.
some people spend their entire lives chasing happiness, and never find it. it is all to human to lose our way, especially when the odds are against you, like the lack of familial support. but there comes a time when you have a lightbulb moment, when you realize it ain't working, and you start moving in another direction.
my philosophy is it aint a mistake if you learn from it.
take a chance and embark on some positive changes. wishing you well.
from what you wrote i don't think you've sinned at all; to me it sounds like you have a drinking problem thats probably exasperated by your family's condemnation. that's been my problem with Christianity - the dichotomous thinking, right or wrong, black and white.
im glad that you've found support from SR, and your dear animals. this may sound pathetic, but my aquarium fish give me a lot of support by keeping me calm, and making me feel like I matter. if i become religious b4 i die, i will probably see them in fish heaven.
so, N4C. you've got some things working in your favor - no blood spitting, or DTs. the choice to proactively abstain from alcohol is yours. figure out a plan that will work for you. also figure out a way to deal with your feelings when you can't numb your pain anymore.
some people spend their entire lives chasing happiness, and never find it. it is all to human to lose our way, especially when the odds are against you, like the lack of familial support. but there comes a time when you have a lightbulb moment, when you realize it ain't working, and you start moving in another direction.
my philosophy is it aint a mistake if you learn from it.
take a chance and embark on some positive changes. wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Originally Posted by Need4Change
Detox requires time, isolation, weeks...months. I don't have anyone to manage my affairs, my farm, my businesses, etc. Who's going to pay the bills?. I realize it's my life on the line here but in life, one has to also consider personal responsabilites (while they are still alive)...even though death may follow. It's just a natural human inclination.
"I can choose to look at this differently."
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I don't have the inner strength Anna. I really don't. It's not at all that it isn't my "priority". I REALLY DO want to quit. I just don't have the inner strength to do so and AA did nothing for me (a bunch of people telling thier "stories" basically and chomping some donuts and gulping juice and coffee). I wish I could say differently and I am SO appreciative to all of you but some of us have it within us and I guess some of us don't. I don't know. I wish I did )-: . Please help me!!.
Originally Posted by 51anna
Detox doesn't take weeks or months. Recovery does, but detox only takes a handful of days. And, I do know that if you want to recover, then it has to be your priority.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmmm...
The God I use I learned about in my Childhood
Sunday School classes.
It gives me great comfort and peace to rely on
the God of forgivness and love.
Double Hugs
The God I use I learned about in my Childhood
Sunday School classes.
It gives me great comfort and peace to rely on
the God of forgivness and love.
Double Hugs
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Dear Need,
Yes, there is a need for change alright;
A need to change that believe system that's been feed to you. It's making you sick, just as feeding you poison would make you sick!
Take a look at this, from Exodus:
Idoloty is a grievous sin. Yet, G*D answers, telling us of the attributes of the Holy One. Look at these 13 attributes. Is there anywhere there that you can find the williness to kill for drinking? 
Go to the source. Ask rabbi, priest, minister or imam. Take adult ed classes at a church, synogogue or mosque. Explore alternate ideas. And look for your answers with the eyes of an adult now.
It's a beautiful world, as Louis Armstrong used to say!
Shalom!
Yes, there is a need for change alright;
A need to change that believe system that's been feed to you. It's making you sick, just as feeding you poison would make you sick!
Take a look at this, from Exodus:
After the sin of the Golden Calf, Moses asked G*D to explain His system for relating with the world. G*D's answer, known as the "13 Attributes of Mercy," forms the essence of the "Slichot" prayers.
Merciful G*D, merciful G*D, powerful G*D, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in kindness and truth. Preserver of kindness for thousands of generations, forgiver of iniquity, willful sin and error, and Who cleanses. (Exodus 34:6-7)
Merciful G*D, merciful G*D, powerful G*D, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in kindness and truth. Preserver of kindness for thousands of generations, forgiver of iniquity, willful sin and error, and Who cleanses. (Exodus 34:6-7)
Go to the source. Ask rabbi, priest, minister or imam. Take adult ed classes at a church, synogogue or mosque. Explore alternate ideas. And look for your answers with the eyes of an adult now.
It's a beautiful world, as Louis Armstrong used to say!
Shalom!
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
I read this silently to myself. Then I read it to my room-mate. Then I read it out loud - again and again. This really demonstrates the true mercy of God/Allah almighty (praise be upon him!). Do you mind Sir/Madam if I ask if you are of the Christian or Islam?...it will make no difference to me outside of simply wondering and my gratitude for you eye-opening post.
- Warmest regards, Need4Change
- Warmest regards, Need4Change
Originally Posted by historyteach
Dear Need,
Yes, there is a need for change alright;
A need to change that believe system that's been feed to you. It's making you sick, just as feeding you poison would make you sick!
Take a look at this, from Exodus:
Idoloty is a grievous sin. Yet, G*D answers, telling us of the attributes of the Holy One. Look at these 13 attributes. Is there anywhere there that you can find the williness to kill for drinking?
Go to the source. Ask rabbi, priest, minister or imam. Take adult ed classes at a church, synogogue or mosque. Explore alternate ideas. And look for your answers with the eyes of an adult now.
It's a beautiful world, as Louis Armstrong used to say!
Shalom!
Yes, there is a need for change alright;
A need to change that believe system that's been feed to you. It's making you sick, just as feeding you poison would make you sick!
Take a look at this, from Exodus:
Idoloty is a grievous sin. Yet, G*D answers, telling us of the attributes of the Holy One. Look at these 13 attributes. Is there anywhere there that you can find the williness to kill for drinking?
Go to the source. Ask rabbi, priest, minister or imam. Take adult ed classes at a church, synogogue or mosque. Explore alternate ideas. And look for your answers with the eyes of an adult now.
It's a beautiful world, as Louis Armstrong used to say!
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Then don't stop..
if you have the energy to get wacked and all of the chaso that comes with it,
then you don't lack energy. your state of confusion or fog confusses you.
it would only take 10% of your effort to do recovery that you putted into
your drinking and using.
nope, i nevered wanted to truley stopped drnking,
but "I KEPT COMING BACK NO MATTER WHAT" to AA.
I guess i had to get that down packed before i can move up or on to
bigger and better things.
It ment that i sat in meetings i didn't like.
It ment I dragged my ass to a meeting even when I didn't want to go.
It ment I would show up drunk off of my ass too.
so whatever detox, roller coaster, fogs, i was in ...are just blurrs...
why try to make anything out when I'm in a fog or not thinking cleary.
will...you wouldn't continue to feed data into your PC if your CPU
is not operating correctly...and you wouldn't expect your CPU to be
processing that data correctly...So why would you do that to yourself ?
and you wouldn't feed virues into your PC...so why in the hell are you pumping
pioson into your system ?
if you have the energy to get wacked and all of the chaso that comes with it,
then you don't lack energy. your state of confusion or fog confusses you.
it would only take 10% of your effort to do recovery that you putted into
your drinking and using.
nope, i nevered wanted to truley stopped drnking,
but "I KEPT COMING BACK NO MATTER WHAT" to AA.
I guess i had to get that down packed before i can move up or on to
bigger and better things.
It ment that i sat in meetings i didn't like.
It ment I dragged my ass to a meeting even when I didn't want to go.
It ment I would show up drunk off of my ass too.
so whatever detox, roller coaster, fogs, i was in ...are just blurrs...
why try to make anything out when I'm in a fog or not thinking cleary.
will...you wouldn't continue to feed data into your PC if your CPU
is not operating correctly...and you wouldn't expect your CPU to be
processing that data correctly...So why would you do that to yourself ?
and you wouldn't feed virues into your PC...so why in the hell are you pumping
pioson into your system ?
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by Need4Change
I don't do many of the things I once enjoyed because from what I was taught, just about everything you do is a SIN or is EVIL and can send you to Hell.
How about dealing with what is going on now.
Raised in a religious household...did they ever tell you how to get into heaven or was it all just warnings of what can send us to hell?
Simple solution... Accept Jesus as Lord of your life...you get a free ticket to heaven even with past sins in your life.
Ok enough about heaven and hell.
What God can and will do for you right now...
He will give you the needed strength to overcome your desire to drink... not because of a fear of hell but because He loves you and wants what is best for you.
AA meetings, Celebrate Recovery meetings... or what ever program you want to use can and will help you find solutions when you are willing and wanting. You put the effort into finding and useing the tools they can show you...you will find a way out of the madness that alcohol brings into our life.
Stop the worry about what God may do later and seek what He will do for you now.
Programs such as AA are tools that God gave us to help each other. Along with such tools and His strength that will fill us when we ask... we can do it. I am proof.
You can do it as well.... When you seek and use the info that is given.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Originally Posted by Need4Change
I read this silently to myself. Then I read it to my room-mate. Then I read it out loud - again and again. This really demonstrates the true mercy of God/Allah almighty (praise be upon him!). Do you mind Sir/Madam if I ask if you are of the Christian or Islam?...it will make no difference to me outside of simply wondering and my gratitude for you eye-opening post.
- Warmest regards, Need4Change
- Warmest regards, Need4Change
I am a Child of G*D
And a member of the family of Abraham, Issac, Jacob, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachael and Leah. I am a Jew.
I'm most happy that my post was helpful to you.
I hope you will take the next step and continue on your learning journey.
Shalom!
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