nogard

What an amazing thread, what wonderful people we are.

((((((((((((((((((((Need))))))))))))))))))))))))

Kevin

Need4Change

Hi everyone and thanks so much for all the warm and supportive replies.

Last night I was drunk (again) which is why I posted this thread. This morning I slept in late and woke up with my head absolutely swimming and my brain totally pickled. I'm so sick and tired of this and as much as AA is touted, it just didn't help me to "talk" about my drinking problem with a group of other people all sitting around in a circle. I know that a LOT of people are helped by AA just like other people are helped by meds or whatever but it just didn't do anything for me and rehab is not an option at the moment.

I've VERY scared and I just don't know what to do to stop this madness at the moment but I MUST stop drinking. I MUST find a way. Sometimes I wish someone would kidnap me and chain me up in a dungeon to keep me from getting beer. Now today (and probably tommorow too) I will have to deal with this HORRIBLE hangover and it is just miserable because I don't feel like myself at all. I feel like I've been poisoned/drugged out of my mind and I want to feel normal again (like I did years ago before I became an alcoholic). I miss those days SO much because I felt normal, happy, healthy, motivated, strong and in control of myself. Now I have nothing but a trail of agony and despair to show for all of my drinking. It even severely damaged the relationship with my family and it is putting a great deal of stress on my friend/room mate.

I can't go on like this. I just can't. I'm at my wit's end and yet I have tried just about everything and nothing seems to be working. I don't want to die this way. I want to LIVE!! )-: .

- Need4Change

Tazman53

N4C AA & every single other program out there is far more then sitting around in a circle talking about our alcohol problems.

The solution in AA and all other programs is in actions!

Talk is talk, the walk is the walk! One must walk the walk!

Unless one is willing to take action from suggestions in a program then the program is useless.

N4C are you working any program?

Have you worked any program?

Attending AA meetings is not working the program of AA.

Attending AA meetings will not get or keep any one sober, one must take actions in the program, one must follow suggestions, get a sponsor work the steps.

Sitting all day in a hospital will not make one a doctor, in order to become a doctor one must do the work.

One is not struck drunk, one must get up off thier butt and get the booze and then drink it.

One is not struck sober either, one must take what ever actions they need to take to get and stay sober, there is no program that will work for anyone unless they work the program.

Sobriety is worked for, it is earned, it is not handed out in pill form.

Check the label on any medication to help with not drinking and every one of them says that the medicine alone will not stop one from drinking, they need to work a program. Not attend a program but work the program.

I know I am sounding like a hard ass here, but it is with love that I am pointing out that it takes work and committment to get and stay sober, if one is not willing to work at following suggestions then they will not get sober until they do.

kfoll

I think you have the key to your problem right there, dude. You know you're not really having fun, you know you're putting yourself up for nothing but misery, so those are plenty reason enough to not drink.

You say you don't think you have the inner strength to stop; I have to call BS on that.

I'm not going to get into a theology discussion, but in my opinion, that's where the Christian concept of sin goes wrong, because it never really pinpoints the kind of strength human beings do have within. All it does is feed you with guilt after guilt after guilt, making a vicious cycle of sin>guilt>sin.

Personally, I can relate to your woe, as I was raised in such a strict fundamentalist religion as you describe, and I too was a "missionary" -- but I beat the dead horse long enough and finally came round to a new concept of the world, one that eliminates the whole "sin" thing and uses one based on causality -- call it karma, even if perhaps you aren't interested in Buddhism or whatever. Basically, the idea is that for every action there is a reaction, and you eliminate the idea that any outside agency is placing blame on you when there are negative results. You simply suffer consequences if your actions cause such results. If others also suffer, then that should also be an motivator (and it's one of those things AA talks about, making amends, etc...) but you can't let guilt overcome the need to think clearly about your problems.

It's really a more practical model for human behavior because you can look at your own actions without being burdened down with the guilt. It helps you to analyze your own situation more clearly without feeling as though you're always just screwing up. After awhile, you start to realize that you possibly might just have the strength you long for... It's really simple: you just change your actions, and get better results... and the cycle continues, because once you begin to get good results, you are more motivated to change.

I don't advocate that you utterly change all your beliefs overnight, nor do I recommend simply quitting Christianity unless you just feel the need to. I'm just saying... even if there is a God up there ready to judge you, chances are if he hasn't already, he's not going to do it until that day rolls around, so in the meantime you've got time to come to terms with yourself. And as Best says, what matters is what you're doing that works NOW.

Human beings are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.

GlassPrisoner

Wow, Need, I'm sorry you're going through this.

Your post sounds rather angry. I was once angry at everyone and everything around me too.

But, I kept trying to do things my way. Eventually, those actions took me to a place where I had no where to go and no where to turn to. I resigned myself that I probably would have to go to AA, but God knows I didn't want to.

Guess what ? It worked. I would HIGHLY recommend immersing yourself in AA and working the steps. If you apply yourself, and do what's suggested, I can all but guarantee that not only will you be sober, but you'll be happy. And, I think that you may even come to a better understanding of your Higher Power.

bugsworth

Human beings are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.

kfoll, I believe this is absolutely the truth! When we believe we have no power, no hope and no will we cheat ourselves out of the power that makes us, as humans, capable of change. I believe I already have the power to change my life, I need to use that power, for God helps those who help themselves. Thank you

Tazman53

Can not put it any simpler then that, God will not help those who are unwilling to break a sweat and do the work to help them selfs, if one is willing to do the work God will give one the power to do it, at least the God of my understanding does.

Jersey Nonny

Quote:

I'm not an alcoholic...I'm a human being with feelings and a precious life that is being destroyed.

It's no wonder you're feeling miserable and guilt-ridden, being raised as you were in an atmosphere of hell, fire, and brimstone.

My earliest understanding of God was learned as a little child in catechism class: Why did God make you? God made me to know him, to love him, to serve him in this world, and to be happy with him forever in Heaven. Regardless of my religious beliefs, I am a child of a Loving Entity, known as a Higher Power in AA/NA circles.

Quote:

I REALLY DO want to quit. I just don't have the inner strength to do so and AA did nothing for me (a bunch of people telling thier "stories" basically and chomping some donuts and gulping juice and coffee).

I'm truly sorry you got such an insignificant impression of AA...you obviously didn't search beyond the surface in order to find the inner strength needed to quit drinking. How many different meetings did you attend? Did you read any of the Big Book? Did you ask someone to be your sponsor? If you had done any of these things, I'm sure you would not only have found the inner strength, but the inner serenity that comes with sobriety.

I sincerely hope you'll consider giving AA another chance...but, this time try to work a program of recovery through the Steps of AA...the coffee drinking, "war stories", etc. are just the very tip of the iceberg! I have 27 years of continuous sobriety as a testament to AA's effectiveness.

CBrown

"Family is no help at all. Total apathy. Empathy. Lack of interest. How utterly sad. I would rather marry my dog, goat, goose or horse or a circus freak than spend one second of family time with my so-called "family" who does nothing but judge, blame, inflame and criticize."

Okay, so here's your chance to tell me what the heck we "friends and family" should do. I'm serious! My XABF is in the same shape as you, and I wish he would TELL me what I can do to help him. I'm just as frustrated as you are. I'm not apathetic, I'm impassioned. I'm empathetic, and I'm awfully interested. I have judged, blamed, inflamed, criticized, encouraged, cried, and everything else I could think of. The others on SR tell me I'm codependent if I do anything but walk away and "care from afar."

If something would work, I'd do it. But no matter what I tried, all that happened in the end was I got cheated on, shut out, and lied to.

As they said in "War Games", "hell I'd **** on a spark plug if I thought it would work."

Pinkcuda

I had to resurrect this post to say that we don't sit in a circle. We have a rectangle table. We also don't talk about our drinking problem. AA doesn't teach us to deal with our drinking. It teaches us to deal with Sobriety. You see, we can, and do, put drinking behind us. Sobriety is something we have to deal with every day, therefore we need support. How many different meetings have you been to. Every one of them is different.
I had a pre-conceived notion of AA when I first came into the program. I figured it was a bunch of beaten down old drunks sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. That notion was engraved in my head since I was about 10 years old. I was watching Tweety and Sylvester on TV and Sylvester got sent to Birds Anonymous. There were weathered old cats with bags under their eyes telling their stories of how many birds a day they ate. This notion stuck with me for years. Even when I went to a few meetings about 25 years ago that is what I saw. My mind had been conditioned to think this was what AA was all about. MY mind had played a trick on me. I wanted no part of it. I refused to see that these people in AA were loving life and laughing in these meetings. I couldn't see it. My brain just wouldn't let me see it.
There is a woman in my Mon/Thurs meeting that lost her legs in an accident. That was 12 years ago. I was speaking about the power that our brain has in that meeting. I asked her, "do you still feel your feet"? She said "Yes, I do"!
That folks is Brain Power in action! She feels feet that haven't been around for 12 years. If she can do that, surely you can condition your mind to do anything. Quitting drinking and learning to like AA is no exception. You, with Gods help can condition your mind to take on a whole new attitude towards sobriety as well as AA.
I hit three meetings a week and it comes as natural as brushing my teeth in the morning. I don't think about it. I don't take it as a commitment and I don't have to push other aspects of life to the side for it. It just happens.
I suggest you try several meetings. Convince yourself that you want this, you like this and you need this. Most important, tell yourself that you deserve this.