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Starting All Over

Old 09-29-2007, 04:44 PM
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Unhappy Starting All Over

I have now been sober for a month, however I am finding life extremely difficult and am constantly struggling with immense cravings.

I recently started a new position for a Government job. I am still in training with sixteen others. I am amicable but have a very low self esteem and several of the girls have taken a disliking to me. I am the type to stick up for the underdog and make sure that everyone is fitting in and not excluded. Now I am finding myself on the outside yet again. It's not open bitchiness, rather it's sly, making me feel as though I am not 'cool' enough to hang out with them. They deliberately exclude me from ventures into town and tend to dominate conversations and draw attention away from me when I am in mid-conversation. One of them is quite bright, although egotistical with it and makes me feel stupid by rolling her eyes when I ask a question or laughs at me.

I have always had problems with bullying in the past and have been mercilessly teased throughout my entire school epoch, as well as more insiduous teasing at the workplace. I don't know if it's because they pick up on my insecurities, or that I am occassionally vague (medical condition) but I have had this problem everywhere I go.

I try to be friendly without overdoing it, I rarely bitch behind someone's back yet I am so often made to feel socially incompetent and not 'good' enough to hang out with. I am quite average in looks and intelligence, my personality being my strong point.

Just wandering if anyone has any advice? I've had enough. Last night I tried to O'D on the SSRI I have been prescribed. I am sick of being targeted, trodden upon and made fun of. I am also sick to death of being called 'paranoid' by my husband and parents. Or being told "You are not their to socialise, but to work - you shouldn't let it bother you". I know they are trying to be helpful but they are just making me feel worse.

I long for the warmth that alcohol suffuses but know that it will only hinder my progress. I had terrible cravings yesterday but managed to overcome them, albeit by swallowing 30 or so pills.

Any advice would really be appreciated.
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Old 10-01-2007, 02:30 AM
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Keep sobriety your primary focus. Go to lots of meetings especially in early recovery. Do you have a sponsor? If not get a temp one for now. I know we all want to fix the world and make everyone at peace but I think focus on yourself and doing your job for now. We can't help anyone unless we help ourselves first. Good for you for reaching out.

hugs
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Old 10-01-2007, 02:57 AM
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I'm sorry your going through that. Poeple can be mean or thought less.

But you cannot continue to hurt yourself on top of being hurted by someone
else already.

Please reach out to people that will support you and not judge you.
I found that through the rooms of recovery. these poeple love me
until i can learned to love myself.
There's readings in the AA Big Book that pretty much have answers
to your situations.

I once felt like that too...but today, i would just laugh at them.lol


You don't have to bend over backwards to be accepted
and why would you want to be friended a bunch of snot nosers
that think their sheit don't stink, anyways.
what have they done for you , to assist you or even help you.
So why would you want to try to fit in into a group of people that
are mean...they're just humans just like you, not any more, not anyless.
they bleed just like you. So why beat up on yourself.

So why would you hurt yourself just becuase others arn't being nice
or decent..stop blaming yourself for someone's else problems.

yes, i know rejections hurts, and I'm very sorry for that.

you can't change those people, but you can change yourself
and ignore people that discorage you

Beside you're there to work and not to kiss other's butt.
I mean... if there was a butt that i needed to kiss..it would be
the person that's signing my check..that the one i only get right.
anythings else is child's play.
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Old 10-01-2007, 03:55 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Well done on your sober days


This link might help explain your feelings

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

Keep the focus on you and move forward.
Blessings
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Old 10-01-2007, 04:06 AM
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Sorry to hear that you are down, i hope things do get better for u. I'm not really sure what to advise- but i'm sure many will have ideas so just take them on board and stay sober no matter what!
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Old 10-01-2007, 07:42 AM
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JUST DO IT!!
 
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All my life I was a people pleaser and still today find myself in those shoes still but not near as often.

It really doesn't matter if people like me or not. I don't have to make people like me or not either. It is free will for them as it is for me. However even with the people that I don't like I can still love them for who they are and sometimes that is very hard to practice for this addict.

We have a program of learning not a destination. So just keep practicing some principles in your life to the best of your ability. Something that the NA Basic Text says that still makes me upset sometimes when I hear it is, "You're probably right where you are suppose to be."

Keep posting and give yourself a break.
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Old 10-01-2007, 07:52 AM
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Looking For Myself...Sober
 
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People are just down right mean sometimes. Sounds like these LITTLE GIRLS need some growing up to do.
You and your sobriety come first!
Do not let these nobodys interfere with that or make you feel you need to eat a bunch of pills.
Who are these people to you? DO they pay your bills? Do they have anything to do with your life besides having to interact with them at work? I think not.
So be the better person and ignore them. Do what you do and act like they aint ****.
Because really they arent if they act like that.
It is hard to do. But Just tell yourself n your head. I am better than that. Say it over and over if you have to. Show them up by making them eat your dust. While they are preoccupied with snubbing you. You focus on the task at hand and do the best you can.
People will see their true colors after awhile. Most people dont like ugly.
I hope you feel better.

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Old 10-01-2007, 02:57 PM
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Hello Aspire,well done for a sober month.Sorry to hear of your troubles,please don't let ignorant,rude people drive you down so much.Remember these people are work colleagues and you don't have to put up with their crap.Sometimes tackling people head on works,they are a bit taken aback and even if you row,they are more careful what they say in future and show you a bit more respect.
I know it's awkward to pull someone up,especially if its not in your nature but it does get results.There will always be people who see others as weak and try to dictate to them and put them down,best wishes.
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