Need support.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Need support.
I have been doing very well this past attempt at trying get myself right. my mind , my heart, and my soul have really been in it this time. And even though I feel really strong in my recovery for the time being. I have noticed old thinking patterns coming back.
I have been doing good at stopping them. But tehy are coming more pften. Like an all out assault from my addiction trying to break me.
It is nothing I cant handle at the moment. But I dont want it to break me eventually.
I had to stop IOP because I have no insurance now. I have to work. I havent worked but maybe 2 mos out of this whole year. We are almost so far behind that losing our home is eventually going to be a factor if I didnt get back to work.
I can not let that happen. If it was only me...I wouldnt worry so much. But I have a grams who needs a home too.
I have been doing really good with my checks..Pay everything and even have a little stash building up. Any other time that stash would have been up in smoke. It isnt the money getting me. It's the loneliness and boredom again pulling my thoughts back into the memory lane. That is a sure relapse waiting to happen. I am doing good so far like I said. But how long am I going to be able to fight this. I am going to fight it if it kills me. But I just worry because this is how it starts. but usually I dont even try to get over it. I have been winning the past few days. Pretty easily actually. And I really dont think it is a big issue. I just worry. Because with my addiction...and my track record. You never know.
Please someone give me some advice or reminders.
I do see a big change in me lately and I like it. I feel like I am finding the real me again. And I relly am trying this time.
I dont want to ever go back to that **** again.
I have been doing good at stopping them. But tehy are coming more pften. Like an all out assault from my addiction trying to break me.
It is nothing I cant handle at the moment. But I dont want it to break me eventually.
I had to stop IOP because I have no insurance now. I have to work. I havent worked but maybe 2 mos out of this whole year. We are almost so far behind that losing our home is eventually going to be a factor if I didnt get back to work.
I can not let that happen. If it was only me...I wouldnt worry so much. But I have a grams who needs a home too.
I have been doing really good with my checks..Pay everything and even have a little stash building up. Any other time that stash would have been up in smoke. It isnt the money getting me. It's the loneliness and boredom again pulling my thoughts back into the memory lane. That is a sure relapse waiting to happen. I am doing good so far like I said. But how long am I going to be able to fight this. I am going to fight it if it kills me. But I just worry because this is how it starts. but usually I dont even try to get over it. I have been winning the past few days. Pretty easily actually. And I really dont think it is a big issue. I just worry. Because with my addiction...and my track record. You never know.
Please someone give me some advice or reminders.
I do see a big change in me lately and I like it. I feel like I am finding the real me again. And I relly am trying this time.
I dont want to ever go back to that **** again.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Trish,
I know that you've heard this over and over again, but I def feel that it's important, especially since you can't do IOP.
GO TO A MEETING.
There, you will find the face to face support that you need, and phone numbers of people to call when this crap hits you, and new friends to hang out with to chase away the boredom.
Pretty please?
Karen
I know that you've heard this over and over again, but I def feel that it's important, especially since you can't do IOP.
GO TO A MEETING.
There, you will find the face to face support that you need, and phone numbers of people to call when this crap hits you, and new friends to hang out with to chase away the boredom.
Pretty please?
Karen
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Trish,
Karen is right. No more talk about anxiety - you're just going to have to do this, or you're right, you WILL relapse. I am glad you posted about this, rather than by trying to keep knocking those thoughts down by yourself. They will keep building, and keep telling you that it's okay to get high, you've been working so hard, you deserve it.
DON'T LISTEN TO THEM.
If you relapse, you may die. Your Grams WILL lose the house.
Karen is right. No more talk about anxiety - you're just going to have to do this, or you're right, you WILL relapse. I am glad you posted about this, rather than by trying to keep knocking those thoughts down by yourself. They will keep building, and keep telling you that it's okay to get high, you've been working so hard, you deserve it.
DON'T LISTEN TO THEM.
If you relapse, you may die. Your Grams WILL lose the house.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
yep do all of the above and remember it is all finite the good the bad and the inbetween it passes.
I keep moving forward by living a program which includes the steps.
Kevin
I keep moving forward by living a program which includes the steps.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Battle Ground, Washington
Posts: 8
Get to meetings ASAP! You can't do this alone. I am glad you reached out. You here it over and over again. People who stop going to meetings or don't go eventually drink. Keep sobriety your primary focus. Everything else will fall into place.
hugs
hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
miss chiy, your right where your spozed to be at...
before, we couldnt even see that... becoming aware of life is all new to us... new feelings, emotions ect... the boredom of new! what do i do?
as my sponser (Big Foot) says... when all else fails... go help another Drunk!
you can pull this off miss chiy, pulled off bigger stuff before...
root'n for ya miss chiy!
xxoo, rust'a funk
before, we couldnt even see that... becoming aware of life is all new to us... new feelings, emotions ect... the boredom of new! what do i do?
as my sponser (Big Foot) says... when all else fails... go help another Drunk!
you can pull this off miss chiy, pulled off bigger stuff before...
root'n for ya miss chiy!
xxoo, rust'a funk
"Grateful to be Sober."
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 90
Hi there, sorry to hear of your worries, i am a habitual worrier but recently, since going to A.A meetings, i've been told to take it one day at a time. I know u've heard that loadsa times but it always helps me put my worries in perspective. I def agree about getting to meetings like evey1 posted- always makes me feel less lonely. I'm only 20 and living in halls with a bunch of 18 yr old alchies in training lol! I've never felt so "abnormal" - but going to meetings takes away all that loneliness and isolation 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I am going to fight it if it kills me.
I remember telling a co-worker (at the place I was eventually fired from for drinking on the job) "I might be going dopwn, but I'll go down kicking and screaming the whole way !"
I went down all right.
There was much kicking and screaming
I didn't change a damm thing.
It was only when I realized to quit fighting that I started to recover. I thought I could do it by myslef, my way. I was wrong.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Originally Posted by merlotmamma 
GO TO A MEETING.
There, you will find the face to face support that you need, and phone numbers of people to call when this crap hits you, and new friends to hang out with to chase away the boredom.
There, you will find the face to face support that you need, and phone numbers of people to call when this crap hits you, and new friends to hang out with to chase away the boredom.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 1,733
Sounds like you are doing great Chi,and you know your danger areas.Now you have to deal with them before they take control again.The meetings sound like they are just what you need,also you can get immediate support.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Chiynita,
You have already been given numerous times the BEST advice, GET THEE TO A MEETING!!
If I may let me suggest one other thing. It is purely a mental exercise, but it just might be a good one? Why not ENJOY in fact REVEL in your accomplishments? Instead of the fear that you will "lose" something and you have to "fight” against that potential loss of sobriety, consider this please.
Rejoice in what you "have" right now and get the absolute "pleasure" out of your sobriety, USE what you have and enjoy it. It is yours for as long as you want it. NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY. You can do anything that you want anytime, you don't have to wait to come down off of a high or plan around when you know you will most likely be drunk. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ANY TIME OF DAY THAT YOU DECIDE TO DO IT!!
THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER AND NO ONE CAN EVER MAKE YOU GIVE IT BACK!!
BRAVO FOR A JOB WELL DONE, now just go out and do it again tomorrow.
Jon
You have already been given numerous times the BEST advice, GET THEE TO A MEETING!!
If I may let me suggest one other thing. It is purely a mental exercise, but it just might be a good one? Why not ENJOY in fact REVEL in your accomplishments? Instead of the fear that you will "lose" something and you have to "fight” against that potential loss of sobriety, consider this please.
Rejoice in what you "have" right now and get the absolute "pleasure" out of your sobriety, USE what you have and enjoy it. It is yours for as long as you want it. NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY. You can do anything that you want anytime, you don't have to wait to come down off of a high or plan around when you know you will most likely be drunk. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ANY TIME OF DAY THAT YOU DECIDE TO DO IT!!
THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER AND NO ONE CAN EVER MAKE YOU GIVE IT BACK!!
BRAVO FOR A JOB WELL DONE, now just go out and do it again tomorrow.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
trun it over
that's why people in recovery tells me that.
i don't have to fight it anymore, it's too powerful for me.
that's what drives me crazy and tired...becuase I'm fighting it.
That's how addiction gets me..it's that cunning, baffling and powerful.
I just turn it over...I don't know if there's a god. maybe there's
a god somewhere for millions of folks.
In anycase..I just trun it over...my god, who's god, what god.?
and god , any god..can do whatever the heck it wants to do with it.
it dosn't matter to me what god dose with my cravings or obseessions.
and if there's not a god..who cares..I truning it over and did my responsibilities
or my part.
in the mean time. I'll just focus on doing what's in front of me.
that's why people in recovery tells me that.
i don't have to fight it anymore, it's too powerful for me.
that's what drives me crazy and tired...becuase I'm fighting it.
That's how addiction gets me..it's that cunning, baffling and powerful.
I just turn it over...I don't know if there's a god. maybe there's
a god somewhere for millions of folks.
In anycase..I just trun it over...my god, who's god, what god.?
and god , any god..can do whatever the heck it wants to do with it.
it dosn't matter to me what god dose with my cravings or obseessions.
and if there's not a god..who cares..I truning it over and did my responsibilities
or my part.
in the mean time. I'll just focus on doing what's in front of me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
there also that crazy thing call self sabatage that gets us.
some people call it fear of being successful and all that good stuff.
so read up on it or do a little inventory of your life to see how that's
been effect you and how you lived. there's a pattern...don't beat up
yourself, just try to recognize it..
guilt and shame plays a factor in it.
there's also something call stepping out of your comfortzone. when we get to
a certain point or stage.
a combinations of not knowing what's ahead, fear of success, self sabatage,
it'll want to pull us back into our old ways or comfortzone.
just put one foot in front of the other and move foward.
no..the fears will not be removed from you.
just take courage. Courage is moving forward inspite of our fears.
or you can go to a meeting ...there will be people there to enCOURAGE you.
some people call it fear of being successful and all that good stuff.
so read up on it or do a little inventory of your life to see how that's
been effect you and how you lived. there's a pattern...don't beat up
yourself, just try to recognize it..
guilt and shame plays a factor in it.
there's also something call stepping out of your comfortzone. when we get to
a certain point or stage.
a combinations of not knowing what's ahead, fear of success, self sabatage,
it'll want to pull us back into our old ways or comfortzone.
just put one foot in front of the other and move foward.
no..the fears will not be removed from you.
just take courage. Courage is moving forward inspite of our fears.
or you can go to a meeting ...there will be people there to enCOURAGE you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Trish it sounds like you are dong really well. dont let the anxiety and woryying get to you. kepp it up my friend you sre doing great. get to a meeting or whatever you have to do.
My thoughts are with you always
My thoughts are with you always
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
I get this funny feeling that everybody thinks you should go to meetings. I agree! Good God man, get help. Somehow, somewhere you need to reach out for help. This is a big ugly monster you're fighting and it will whip you. It has and it will continue to do so until you get someone or some group of people in your corner. You can't do it alone. If you ever want to see a dream get turned into a nightmare, try doing this by yourself. I can't encourage that enough.
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