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I avoid thinking about the crazy things I did

Old 09-29-2007, 03:21 PM
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I avoid thinking about the crazy things I did

Hi friends!
Having discussed this with my friend on another thread she thought it be a good idea that I ask.
So basically, I know when I was under the influence that I'd often do some really crazy and careless antics.
Sometimes the memories of some of the things I have done creap into my mind. When they do I avoid thinking about them. Does anybody else do that? Would it be good to actually think about them? I'm feel very disgusted and disgraced at allot of things I've done/said. When I'm not drinking I'm usually a well mannered, gracious person. I like to think of myself as a gentleman, but maybe that's an overstatment. A true gentleman isn't a slave to anything.
During the last few weeks of my drinking I knew it was getting out of control. Many time's I'd tried to stop, to no avail. So reccently I was thinking of making a list of the crazy antics I do under the influence so that if I were to be tempted to drink perhaps looking at my list might have made me think twice. But, as I've said, I don't like thinking about those things.
Do you think it would be a good idea to think about them shenanigans and make my list? Maybe even put it on here?
Thanks in advance.
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Old 09-29-2007, 03:32 PM
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Hi aldo,

My belief is that addiction is a disease, not a character defect.

I often have memories of things that I did or said when I was drinking, even though it's been awhile. Usually I stop them short because I cannot indulge myself in wallowing in all that stuff. Once in awhile though, if I'm not paying attention, the memories do play through and it's still very real and difficult. I don't think it's bad to think of those things once in a while because it reminds me where I was and how I don't ever want to go back there. But remaining positive and moving forward is the most important thing.
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Old 09-29-2007, 03:37 PM
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Well I think with me...The bad or immoral things I have done to myself..others..and my family are a remider to me as to why I dont want to use again. It sickens me to end when I think of some of things I have done over the years. If I start feeling an urge to use...I think of the worst things that have happened because of my use and it makes me hate the thought of wanting to use.
But on the other hand if you are thinking of fun times and strolling down memory lane of the good ole days. That si a big no no for me. I can not think of the good times. Because those good times came with a very hefty price in the end. But eventually lead to a re;apse.
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Old 09-29-2007, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by chiynita View Post
But on the other hand if you are thinking of fun times and strolling down memory lane of the good ole days.
Hi Chiynita!
Thanks for sharing, but "Fun times?"; "Good old days?". I never experianced either of them. Due to my behavior (I'm kinda wild and rebelious when I drink) my drinking days were all a nightmear!
Take care.
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Old 09-29-2007, 05:08 PM
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The memories can be helpful at times, but I don't live in them at all these days and neither do I deny them. I try to live in today.

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Old 09-29-2007, 05:51 PM
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Yeah, I remember things I did or said when under the influence, but I've made amends, so I don't allow myself to dwell on them. That kind of behaviour is in the past, I try to leave it there.
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Old 09-29-2007, 05:54 PM
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We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it
That's just one of the promises I've seen come true.
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Old 09-29-2007, 05:55 PM
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wrinting about it is a good start , back in the dayz before the nets.
we use pin and papers.lol
I wouldn't recommend putting everything on the net as the same
as blurring out everything in a meeting.
Some issues are personal , so a sponsor, therapist would probably
be better to discuss certain issues.

It's not ment to condem or me. it's ment for me to figure who the heck
i am.

I started off , just keeping a journal.
Then i just started writing.

At the very least that stuff wasn't spinding in my head.
It's on paper, so anytime I wish to look at it, I could.
plus i didn't have to carry that stuff around all the time in my head.

plus putting it on paper aside from my hed. I can see clearer and
it was less confusing. There was so many things going on in my head..if you
know what I mean. It also help me to recognize certain patterns.
Kind of like getting a bird's eye veiw of what I was doing or that
way i was living.

plus as i write , i also process certain emotions or i learned to
feel emotions.

wrinting gave me a safe platform to express and process my emotions.

some people would say i was doing step #4...i don't know...

never the less recovery is about getting sober. And staying sober
is not easy if i was to carry all that crap inside of me.

some would term it Clean House.

plus sometimes if I have a bad day..I can always go dig up some
of my old journal and read them lol ..man was I wacked.
It's healing in a way when i can laugh at myself.
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Old 09-30-2007, 05:28 AM
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Hi,

I believe part of healthy recovery is when you develop the ability to forgive yourself...
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Old 09-30-2007, 03:00 PM
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"Will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it."

Originally Posted by GlassPrisoner View Post
That's just one of the promises I've seen come true.
If you are familiar with the 12 Steps of AA, there is a "formula" that allows us to forgive ourselves and others for any and all transgressions or embarrassing silliness that occurred during our active alcoholism...it can also be used as an on-going process during sobriety.

It's good to "keep the memory green", so we remember why it's important to stay sober, lest we return to the insanity.

"He who forgets to remember is doomed to repeat."
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