How do you deal with people crapping on you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern BC, Canada
Posts: 100
How do you deal with people crapping on you?
When someone who you THOUGHT was a friend dumps all over you, calls you names, mocks your attempt to stay sober, calls you a "toxic mess", accuses you of drinking when you're in fact having Insomnia, threatens to go behind your back to wreck your life, and all kinds of things?
This is a "friend"??? Someone who makes you think it's just too damn hard, and you might as well crawl back in the bottle and screw the cap on behind you?
I'm just about ready to say "To Hell with it."
This is a "friend"??? Someone who makes you think it's just too damn hard, and you might as well crawl back in the bottle and screw the cap on behind you?
I'm just about ready to say "To Hell with it."
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I need to stay away from toxic people and toxic relationships.
When I was newly sober, I made changes in my life and that included getting rid of certain people in my life, including certain family members.
This person is not a friend and you do not need him and when you step away from relationships like that, you will find that you are open to new and positive relationships.
When I was newly sober, I made changes in my life and that included getting rid of certain people in my life, including certain family members.
This person is not a friend and you do not need him and when you step away from relationships like that, you will find that you are open to new and positive relationships.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Posts: 345
As Anna says its best to stay well away from people who could threaten your sobriety. This doesnt sound like a friend to me. More like someone jealous of your steps in recovery.
I have had someone insulting my efforts to stop. I turned it around and said to myself that there is no way I am going to prove them right and drink now. If you pick up this person will just think they have proved their point. Every day that you are sober from now on will just prove how wrong they were!
I have had someone insulting my efforts to stop. I turned it around and said to myself that there is no way I am going to prove them right and drink now. If you pick up this person will just think they have proved their point. Every day that you are sober from now on will just prove how wrong they were!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
As others have said, any one or anything that stands in the way of my sobriety needs to go!
Friends support friends, you choose your friends, they do not choose you.
If something or someone is poison to you it is time to toss them out of your life.
Friends support friends, you choose your friends, they do not choose you.
If something or someone is poison to you it is time to toss them out of your life.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Ten, maybe it's jealousy - maybe that person wants you to fail for some unknown reason. Depending on how far back you go and how important the friend was, tell them you'll talk to them again when they're ready to be supportive. You don't need negativity or someone undermining your efforts to get/stay sober. It sounds like that person might want you to stay the way you are, would be uncomfortable if you got better - might make him/her have to take a closer look at their own behavior.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Anna is right...Now you know obviously they are NOT a friend and you need to stay as far away as possible.
Sounds to me like someone feels the need to belittle another for self worth.
You are doing the right thing..And yes it is hard but not impossible.
You just keep on doing what you are doing and dont let ANYONE stand in the way of your sobriety.
Sounds to me like someone feels the need to belittle another for self worth.
You are doing the right thing..And yes it is hard but not impossible.
You just keep on doing what you are doing and dont let ANYONE stand in the way of your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Remember that we are, as a rule, sensitive people. A lot of the time, things that I think are directed towards me with ill intent are neither.
We tend to be self centered too. How can anyone really know what we're going through in early sobriety ? We expect others to know exactly where we are at all times . In truth, people (friends included) don't think of us as often as we imagine they do. I used to think "Don't they know what I'm going through ?!?!?" No, they really don't. We shouldn't expect them too, either.
Lastly, we are very rarely "victimized". If someone is behaving badly towards you, you might want to take a look at how you've been acting towards them. I've found in all of my situations where I carry a resentment, I had something to do with it.
We tend to be self centered too. How can anyone really know what we're going through in early sobriety ? We expect others to know exactly where we are at all times . In truth, people (friends included) don't think of us as often as we imagine they do. I used to think "Don't they know what I'm going through ?!?!?" No, they really don't. We shouldn't expect them too, either.
Lastly, we are very rarely "victimized". If someone is behaving badly towards you, you might want to take a look at how you've been acting towards them. I've found in all of my situations where I carry a resentment, I had something to do with it.
'55 Classic
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Waco, TX
Posts: 637
I’ve been where you are and I can tell you that this person should be avoided at this time. The reason I say that is because I remember a couple of so-called friends that said something similar to what you are being told. It turned out that this conduct was the same as the small boy whistling in the graveyard…he doesn’t do it out of disrespect, but to prove he’s not scared. This sounds more like the ranting of someone who is afraid that they may be just like you and if so, that would mean that they have a problem, too. In my case, one of those people who said that to me a few years later ended up following me into the program of AA. There was also another one who didn’t get the chance because he’s now 6 foot under.
Don’t totally close that door on that person by striking back or “striking out” by going back out yourself. Instead, try using compassion. Maybe, just maybe when this same person tries recovery and is struggling, you can reach out and help them. In the meantime, you don’t need anyone’s approval for what you are trying to do. As it was put to me, “Young lady, it’s none of your business what other people think about you. What is your business is what you think about other people and what you think about yourself.”
Remember, you aren’t going through this alone. We are all there with you….
Don’t totally close that door on that person by striking back or “striking out” by going back out yourself. Instead, try using compassion. Maybe, just maybe when this same person tries recovery and is struggling, you can reach out and help them. In the meantime, you don’t need anyone’s approval for what you are trying to do. As it was put to me, “Young lady, it’s none of your business what other people think about you. What is your business is what you think about other people and what you think about yourself.”
Remember, you aren’t going through this alone. We are all there with you….
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern BC, Canada
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by Octoman 
If you pick up this person will just think they have proved their point. Every day that you are sober from now on will just prove how wrong they were!
b*stard...
Last edited by TenPacks; 09-28-2007 at 10:32 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern BC, Canada
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by chiynita
Sounds to me like someone feels the need to belittle another for self-worth.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern BC, Canada
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Ten, maybe it's jealousy.... might make him/her have to take a closer look at their own behavior.
There's an old saying: "There's only two things I don't like about him - his face."
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
As nasty as said friend was... he just may be a better friend then either of you think he is. A friend gives us what we need, not what we want.
I wouldn't call him a friend but for the fact that he may have given you (without his knowing) just what you need in the moment.
He pissed you off and has you thinking. Your thinking just may save your life as it helps you make the better choices. Maybe not a friend but he sure was a help I would say.
Use that strength that comes from your anger and put it to use for the day.
Just for today, I will not pick up and... I will show him I can do this.
I wouldn't call him a friend but for the fact that he may have given you (without his knowing) just what you need in the moment.
He pissed you off and has you thinking. Your thinking just may save your life as it helps you make the better choices. Maybe not a friend but he sure was a help I would say.
Use that strength that comes from your anger and put it to use for the day.
Just for today, I will not pick up and... I will show him I can do this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
okay, I did turned my will and life over to a HP and not people.
well if it's friend.. a friend wouldn't mind if i throw rocks back every so often.lol
or tell him F#@$ U B@#th !!!! : lmao
after all, freinds are every understand.
I'm assuming it's a two ways relationship.
anyway,I'm still working on it and far as truning my emotions to others.
Working #4 helped a great deal in understanding how I react to certain
situations. I guess change equal i shouldn't react in my old behaviors.
I let people controled me more than I thought i did..before I entered recovery.
I also know that I'm human and I have flaws.
the more I learned about myself , the more I understands other, they're humans
too.
Also working step #5 releaved a lot of that insanity.
well..I also ready told a human being all of my flaws already.
It still effects me of course if people critsize me. I think most people
don't react too well either if they get critisized.
mmm..maybe you can put my theory to the test on your freind.lol
being spiritaul dosen't being spineless.
Yes...it's true, even males in recovery had been abused mentally, emotionally
and spiritaully. Thats why he's your friend..Or god sent him into your life.
So you can pratice your boundaries and tell or informed people to stopped
doing that to you. People aren't mind readers.
A friend will understand.
Then again recovery had taught me not to put too much expectations on people.
maybe your freind is sicker than you are ?
you know...we were stronge will , loud people and thought we had all the answers
and everything we did or thought was right before we got sober.
If you deem the relationship not worth continuing..you still have to
tell him one way or the other to end the relationship.
other wise it will still eat at you.
becuase it would the samething as running if we don't face your problems.
so it bascially comes down to taking courage to say "NO"
NO to drinking and no to abuse.
well if it's friend.. a friend wouldn't mind if i throw rocks back every so often.lol
or tell him F#@$ U B@#th !!!! : lmao
after all, freinds are every understand.
I'm assuming it's a two ways relationship.
anyway,I'm still working on it and far as truning my emotions to others.
Working #4 helped a great deal in understanding how I react to certain
situations. I guess change equal i shouldn't react in my old behaviors.
I let people controled me more than I thought i did..before I entered recovery.
I also know that I'm human and I have flaws.
the more I learned about myself , the more I understands other, they're humans
too.
Also working step #5 releaved a lot of that insanity.
well..I also ready told a human being all of my flaws already.
It still effects me of course if people critsize me. I think most people
don't react too well either if they get critisized.
mmm..maybe you can put my theory to the test on your freind.lol
being spiritaul dosen't being spineless.
Yes...it's true, even males in recovery had been abused mentally, emotionally
and spiritaully. Thats why he's your friend..Or god sent him into your life.
So you can pratice your boundaries and tell or informed people to stopped
doing that to you. People aren't mind readers.
A friend will understand.
Then again recovery had taught me not to put too much expectations on people.
maybe your freind is sicker than you are ?
you know...we were stronge will , loud people and thought we had all the answers
and everything we did or thought was right before we got sober.
If you deem the relationship not worth continuing..you still have to
tell him one way or the other to end the relationship.
other wise it will still eat at you.
becuase it would the samething as running if we don't face your problems.
so it bascially comes down to taking courage to say "NO"
NO to drinking and no to abuse.
Last edited by SaTiT; 09-29-2007 at 02:07 AM.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
it written in the BB.
Alcoholics hates confrontations.
We don't cofront people that hurts us, rather we go into our self pity
and get drunk.
Our anger stem from not saying sometime at the given moment
that you are traspassed. Then we'll turn it inwared towards ourselve
we're either beat up on ourselves...maybe wanna go get f-up or
take it out on someone else.
forgivness is oneway of releasing our anger.
anohter way is perevention before we get anger again.
Alcoholics hates confrontations.
We don't cofront people that hurts us, rather we go into our self pity
and get drunk.
Our anger stem from not saying sometime at the given moment
that you are traspassed. Then we'll turn it inwared towards ourselve
we're either beat up on ourselves...maybe wanna go get f-up or
take it out on someone else.
forgivness is oneway of releasing our anger.
anohter way is perevention before we get anger again.
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