Dee74

See the doctor Aldo. I find that difficult to do too, but it really is better to know things for certain rather than worry about things that aren't a problem 99.9999999% of the time anyway


Great to hear you're keeping away from all yr demons too - well done

D

Captain Kirk

i wasn't seeking medical advice. i just wanted to get all these terrible thoughts/fears of dying off my chest.
thanks for listening to me. at least i now know that if i were to die tonight at least 2 people in the world will know why. lol.
seriously, just having shared my fears of dying with yous has already made me feel a bit more comfortable. so now i guess i should be able to get a good nights sleep.

Rusty Zipper

three Amico

Bamboozle

Hello, aldo. I have a great fear of dying...I always have. I keep thinking that these heart palpitations I'm having are going to send me into cardiac arrest. I can't stop being afraid because I don't know exactly what's wrong...it's always in the back of my mind. Logically thinking...I know I'm being ridiculous, but that fact doesn't change the way that I feel...and sometimes the fear is overwhelming.

Have you been honest with your doctor about your using history?

tellus

Hey Aldo, sorry to hear about the physical stuff. Follow through on that doctor visit, eh? No sense in torturing yourself by just fearing the worst.

I am so happy to see you succeed with not gambling, Aldo. And feeling psychologically okay is nothing to sneeze at. As far as I'm concerned, mental health is just as important as physical health, if not more so. Keep it up, man. The physical stuff will sort out.

lulukat

Hi Aldo,
I'm a few years older (maybe more than a few Ha!) but experiencing the same thoughts, and walking right along with you. This is day 11 for me. You've figured out at a young age something I just recently acknowledged--alcohol was a social crutch for me. Many times I would be anxious about going somewhere, meeting new people, etc.--even though I wanted to go -- and so had a few drinks before I got there. BUT I never knew if I was going to be the life of the party or become a mean drunk or just pass out and not get the chance to talk with or remember the conversations with people that I definitely wanted to have.

AND--I have found in these past 11 days that I'm bored. I can't believe how much time I was filling up with drinking. I do not want to do that anymore. I'm somewhat impatient with this process, but I know that myself and all of us getting sober are going to experience raw emotions such as sadness, shyness, loneliness, that we probably had before but now we aren't avoiding or numbing the emotion with alcohol.

We're building or rebuilding a foundation for our life, it takes time. I understand the loneliness-I had pushed aside family, friends, hobbies, health.
This can't be done immediately. Right now I'm concentrating on getting healthy--mentally and physically. I'm sticking close to home. I do not want to attend meetings right now. I have taken the huge step for me of admitting I have a problem and asking for help on this website.

I'm also thinking about constructive ways to use my time--hobbies-exercise-going for a walk. Many enjoyable things do not cost money. I think you've started thinking of this too but please don't get caught up in negatively listing all the things you can't do right now or don't have. Yes, you've admitted you're lonely but right now you dont' know who you are so give it some time and then you'll be mentally and physically ready to look for healthy friends and better prepared to have a relationship. Doesn't mean you will never encounter more "vampires" or have a bad relationship etc. but hopefully you'll be more clear headed without the alcohol fog and be able to disassociate with people who are not good for you and move on.

You don't have the resources right now to go to an AA meeting, ok. But, you have us for support and we now have you. As someone suggested--how about trying AA online meetings? And, who knows, if you really want to attend AA meetings later, I bet you will find a way around the distance, gasoline or whatever issues.

Take care.

Captain Kirk

just to say that i saw the doc today and he said my neck/back/head hurts because i have poor computer posture. that was a bit dissapointing because i already kinda knew that. in a way i was hoping he'd send me for an MRI, just so i could be sure i don't have anything else wrong.
oh well.

snowdog

Aldo- welcome! My heart goes out to you as I have also known loneliness and isolation. It sounds trite, but the best answer really can be giving back to the community. It is amazing what a different perspective can do for you. Perhaps there is a local church or shelter you can help out at? It can be scary stepping out of your comfort zone at first, but the help will be appreciated and you might end up the most helped of all.

Keep posting and good luck!

snowdog

whoops, I posted after page one! Congrats Aldo on the accumulated time!
Can your doctor recommend some physical therapy or home exercise program for you?

MagicMan08

I used to freak out about dying as well, but it seems to have went away. Seems to have gotten easier to live when sober. I feel like a different person. Not much gets me down today, even though where I am at sucks! But I am not depressed, I am alive, and thankful for what I have today. Aldo hang in there buddy, I will never forget reading your entire story sitting in the library after court for my first dwi. I was touched, it reminded me that I am not suffering alone. But we can also get well together as well!

Also, having a pity party about what we cannot do makes our day miserable. Why not do something with what we DO have....I used to get so bent out of shape over some things, ruining days worrying about it, what could happen or whatever.....but when it comes it comes....

I am trying to live stress free right now, tackling things slowly but surely.

Captain Kirk

my stuipity and forgetfullness amaze me.
after 53 Days i had a gambling relapse tonight. i have so many bills to pay, so i thought i'd try my luck by investing 20 Euros. but i couldn't stop. i was loosing 110 then i got 100 back but that wasn't enough. so i put all the 100 back in plus another 140. total 250.
that ammount would have come in handy to pay my heating tomorrow.
how can i forget i mustn't even think of playing the damned machines.
shame on me.

tellus

Dust yourself off, Aldo. You went almost two months without gambling - you can do it again! Don't lose hope.

Captain Kirk

well that's it. i've just got to start again.
i'm so mad at myself though for throwing that money away. icould have paid almost 30% of my debts today with what i lost last night.
oh well....
today i have not gamblled.

Captain Kirk

i want to stop gambling, but i can't.
i thought i'd been gambling every day for the past week, but looking at my penultimate post it's only 4 days that i'm at it again - that makes it worse because i've lost allot of money in a shorter time than i'd thought.
i've got to stop. i must stop. i have to stop.

Dee74

get some help Aldo. There must be help available in Italy for gambling problems.
It's time to stop trying to do this alone.

D

Captain Kirk

i'm not alone. i have all you people here who are supporting me.

Bamboozle

Hello aldo!

Perhaps the next time you get a strong urge to gamble, log onto SR instead and stay until the urge passes.

Dee74

Well, ok....Bam has a point - if you're going to use only us, then really use us.
Good luck!

D

Captain Kirk

it's a bit diffrent from a drinking or drugging urge.
my gambling urges, if they can be defined as such, are very impulsive.
it's not like i sit around thinking and sweating about where or how to gamble.
more often than not i have genuine intentions not to do it at all. but then i'll be in the bar and it's like i have this thought "i'll put just $10 in the machine". but once i've put in 10 i'll end up putting in everything i have with me.
perhaps the solution really is to go to a bar where they don't have any machines, as has been suggested here before. but the thing is my 'friends' (acquiantences) all go to the bars i go to.

Rusty Zipper

aldo how bout not go to a Bar!


are your friends and acquiantences helping you with these problems?

sugestion, meet then at safe place aldo...

and i got'a ask, what happened with that lady you were ga-ga over?

keep trying aldo

zip, and aunt tillie