Room1

Not sure why that is the title of this thread, it just came to me? I know some of you follow "my thread" but I guess a lot of new peeps don't look at it, so I though I would write this on a new one. I know when I first came to this site I bypassed anything with more than a few pages. I wanted facts and figures and answers and didn't want to hear about how happy people were, or read about what they were doing now, I just needed information about alcoholism and what others have/are/been going through.

I have learn't alot reading here, I am not sure how to check but I guess I became a member about a year and a half ago, but only started posting regualary-ish in the last few months. The point of that is, obviously I knew over a year ago I needed/wanted to quit yet still I continued to drink?

So the point of this post? I read and read again not only here but also in books, that this thing called alcoholism is progressive? I doubted that, I have been drinking for 20 years, I have had bad phases, but then gone through good phases, so I thought I was not like the rest of you. It wouldn't progress? I didn't believe I would ever drink in the morning, I didn't believe that it would change for me. I thought I would be stuck at what I believe to be termed as middle staged alcoholism. I believed I just liked to drink, I knew I drank to much when I did drink, but hey dosn't everyone??.

The thing is, times are changing for me. I drank on Saturday I think it was after about 4 days, no biggy, but when I woke up I had a diffent kind of hangover, I didn't feel too bad it was kinda nice, yay no major hangover, but then the jitters started, ok no problem, have had them before, just anxiety right? The thing that was different though was my mind told me a drink will cure this feeling, and because I wasn't "that" hungover a drink sounded ok, in the past, the last thing I would want to do after a heavy night is drink! This was new territory for me.

I didn't drink that day, I was not going to become someone that drank to get rid of withdrawals. The next day, feeling really strange still, I thought ok I will buy a "little" drink just to stop these feelings. A little drink for me was a bottle of wine, so i bought it, drank it felt a little better, woke up this morning thinking i should be fine now, you know stepping down and that? Well no, at 10am this morning the jitters started talking to me again. Voices telling me, a drink will stop this. This was new to me. I think I am verging on the line of middle alcoholism to late stage now. Why else would I be craving in the morning, not even craving actually, the voices just tell me I will feel better if I drink, so today I held off till this evening but figured i would do another "step down" that step down involved 1/2 a bottle of vodka!

So the point of this post? I am not unique to this disease it appears, when I honestly thought I was. I thought I would never progress to a morning drinker, and although I have not yet drank in the morning if I don't quit today I guess thats where i am heading.

Anyways, sorry for long post just thought it might help someone who believes like I did that they are safe from the progression, no one is it seems, no matter how much you try to kid yourself. I know I am going to want to drink tommorow morning now and I am almost in tears. This is it, I am just going to have to fight harder now than ever before!


Sax

GlassPrisoner

Hey Saxony.

I never thought I'd drink in the morning. I thought I was different. Well, OK, my parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles were alcoholic, but that wouldn't happen to me because, don't you know, I'm different !!!

I didn't realize those jitters were withdraw until after I achieved sobriety. And yes, a good stiff drink makes them go right away. If you can get your hands on some valium, that helps too ! (Especially with a Vodka chaser)

Consider yourself lucky to realize this for what it is. The disease has progressed. You are starting to experience minor withdraw symptoms.

You're at a scary point. If you continue to drink, it starts to get really bad.

I also thought I was different and didn’t need help, that I could stop on my own. I’ll let you draw your own conclusion about that one.

MyGraySkies

I went as far as thinking the fact that I HAD to drink in the mornings to get rid of the shakes and jitters wasn't SO bad... as long as no one knew I was doing it. Yeah, uh huh. Nope, that doesn't make it ok either. But I sure had myself convinced of it. Hang in there, and you might want to consider a detox facility. Talk to your doctor, for sure.

CarolD

Your correct Sax...I do not read those long threads.
So I did not know you were still drinking.
glad you came back into the mainstream of SR.

Unchecked alcoholism is progressive...incurable...fatal.
No exceptions..
I've had 25 friends die o from alcoholism
since I quit drinking.

Soooo...what is your plan for living sober?
You never have to drink again.

Forward we go...side by side...

Jfanagle

The most devastating news any of us as "unique and different" alcoholics ever receives is that we are after all; JUST PLAIN OLD GARDEN VARIETY DRUNKS!!

I knew this couldn't be my case, I was the owner of a successful company a degree in Economics, had the big house the right cars, 4 talented kids and a good looking ex-wife and a great looking live in. I just drank after work, and drank and drank and drank.

When business turned south (maybe because I wasn't all that sharp in the AM?), I started a few drinks a little earlier. And so on and so on..........

AA and several years of doing what those ahead of me suggested and guess what? This average drunk is now an AVERAGE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC, but an extraordinarily happy fellow!!

Jon

gypsytears

Thanks for starting this new thread Saxony. I'll be following along... still rooting for you hun .

Anna

Hi Saxony,

I remember vividly being in exactly the same position you are - faced with the fact that I needed to drink in order to stop the physical symptoms. What a horrifying feeling! And, of course, having that drink just prolongs the obvious.

You can do this!

Hevyn

I can top you guys who graduated to morning drinking. How about 24/7 drinking - wherein you keep a bottle by the bed and any time you wake up you reach over and have a swig. Otherwise, no sleep. Of course it's a horrible, fitful sleep, not a restful one! I found it was easier to get going in the morning that way - no hangover! Clever, wasn't it? I'd been doing that for months when I stopped cold turkey because it was suggested to me that if I'd go into a detox it would look better when I went to court for my 2nd DUI. I decided to do part of the detox job myself. (Not advisable, since they told me in detox that I could've had a stroke or seizure.)
You can avoid ever getting to this stage, Sax. Sending love to you.

scaredykat

Hi Sax, Glad to see you started your own thread. I like the title too. It's better then mine.

I have never drank in the morning, but it has crossed my mind quite a few times. The only reason I didn't is because then I'm definitely an alcoholic. I'm very good at controlling my drinking and not drinking until after 5:00PM. I had an obsession with counting my drinks all the time and counting them over and over to make sure I counted right. The worse then i ever did was puke (sorry so graphic) and then pour myself another drink because it was too early to go to bed.

Alcoholism is progressive that's for sure. I use to drink only on the weekends. The past couple of years ended up being 7 days a week. I never thought I would be a everyday drinker. But it happened.

Don't give up hope and keep trying.

Barb

Hope

Thanks for starting this thread and for sharing honestly with us. The realization that you came to is an important one especially since you can see the progression. You have a chance to stop it before things get worse. Things can go from bad to worse really fast when it comes to alcohol. It is so insidious and powerful and once the progression takes a rapid downturn, people slide so fast before they even know what hit them.

Hugs to you. We are behind you all the way.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

For me, the thing that really hit me that gee, I MIGHT have a problem here was having to hold the full wine glass with two hands at happy hour cause my hands were shaking so much, and hoping that nobody would notice.

Yup, might have a problem there.

Alyce14

I DO read the long posts because they seem to contain the really helpful stuff-like drinking in the morning, and not feeling like I am the same as all of you.

When that thought finally gets through maybe I will be able to knock this thing.

Thanks for the post,
Alyce

Room1

Well I woke up this morning feeling pretty bad, no big suprise there, but then I thought I can either sit here feeling bad and worry about whether I should have a drink or not or try and do something more positive. So I went to an AA meeting! I can't get to evening ones because of childcare but there is one during the day where I live and it happens to be on a Wednesday. So off I took my trembleling butt and sat there and listened. I don't know what tommorow will bring, but I will not drink today.

I should probably add, I have not really been to AA before, I went to a few meetings about a year ago but didn't go back.

Sax.

Missymae737

Saxony,

You can do this, I know you can...

GlassPrisoner

IMO, that's the best thing you could have done Sax. (AA).

Just make sure that you're taken care of medically too if you feel the de-tox is gonna be too rough.

Hang in there, it gets better. You may have just spared yourself another 5-10 years of living hell.

Edit: Hevyn, I was a 24 x 7 also. I'd withdraw after about 4 hours without a drink.

Octoman

Hi Saxony
Will be thing of you through this.
I aso though that if I didnt drink in the morning I was fine. Even though sometimes it was morning when I finished drinking! But I crossed that line this year and things just started to get out of control.
I think we have just caught it in time. From here on in there would have been nothing but misery.

Good Luck!

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Sax, you did the very right thing this morning!!! Good for you. Did you get any numbers?

Hevyn

I'm glad you went to a meeting, too - I wish I'd been more positive about the ones I reluctantly attended in the past. The trouble is when you most need to listen and participate is when you don't feel up to it mentally or physically! I was completely (as they say) dazed and confused!! I'd try to talk when they went around the table and would choke up, so nothing was shared. At the end a few came up to me and hugged me and tried to make me feel welcome. They did their best - it was my fault I didn't allow them to help me. I feel I will try again one day.

parentrecovers

keep sharing your experience, sax - hugs, k

Room1

merlotmamma, no I didn't get any numbers, a girl there said she would sort me out a welcome pack and get me some numbers, she did give me the pack but not any numbers :/


I read all the leaflets when I got home and all I can really say is if I was in any doubt whether I was an alcoholic, those leaflets put an end to that!

Hi Hevyn, I didn't say anything, I am way to shy to talk infront of a couple of people let alone 12 odd, but I figured listening was a good enough start. I can't really see myself saying anything in the future, but I'll do what they say and keep going back each week and see what happens. I can only make this one meeting as all the others are in the evenings and I just can't get to those.


Sax.