Hard to admit there is a problem...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 3
Hard to admit there is a problem...
After reading many of the stories on this website I would also like to share mine, which is no doubt very similar to many other stories, but in a way it is my first real acknowledgement of the problems that I am experiencing....
My name is John, I am currently 29 years of age and have recently accepted that I have a problem with drinking and feel that it is only a matter of time before I die because of it unless I do something about it....
I went on a 3 day bender last weekend, it started on Friday night and continued until 1am on Monday morning.... During this time I don’t remember most of Saturday night and a good portion of Sunday afternoon and Sunday night.... This would be a concern for most, however this has become the norm for me nowadays, every weekend I go out and drink enough that I don’t remember what happened the night before, usually I forget anything from 2 or more hours, it often sees we waking up next to random women who I dont remember meeting, losing large portions of money, covered in bruises and generally feeling disgusting about myself....
After nights like this I find it very easy to ease into a beverage the next morning when I wake up and as most of you know it is very hard to just stop at one.... So this then has an impact on my work performance on Mondays and Tuesdays, often I don’t work the full day on Monday and even when I do go to work the quality of work I provide is terrible because my head is usually messed up and my psychiatrist has just diagnosed me with panic disorder, which seems to be emphasised after binge drinking, so I am often in the bathroom thinking I am going to die....
Usually by Wednesday I am back to normal and don’t actually feel compelled to drink and by Thursday and Friday I usually justify my behaviour and tell myself I don’t have a problem and that I am able to be sensible... But then come Friday night or mid afternoon Saturday I am usually into my next big drinking session....
With the exception of a month earlier this year and 2 other weekends I can remember, I have not had a weekend off drinking for the past 12 years... I have done countless stupid things when I have been intoxicated, stupid things for money, breaking the law, unprotected sex or just generally being a disappointment to those people who are closest to me, when I sit back and reflect on my life as a binge drinker, it scares me to think how little control I have had over so much of my life....
The strange thing with drinking is I don’t overly enjoy it, the idea of drinking every day has never appealed to me and I do see friends and family who do drink every day and in a way this has allowed me to justify my behaviour for so long... But I cannot just have one drink, it seems like a very black and white area I can either abstain from drinking or I need to get to the point I don’t remember....
Anyway, I have decided to stop drinking which I think will be a relief to friends and family, it is going to be hard as there is a strong drinking culture amongst my friends and family.... I have managed to give up gambling, smoking, marijuana and ecstacy in the past, but that has been by removing myself from people I do all of those things with, I don’t feel like there is anywhere to hide from alcohol....
Plus I have always had the mindset that I am a far more interesting person when I am intoxicated, so it is difficult to break out of that mentality....
It has been a huge relief being able to read all of your stories as it is comforting to know that other people are battling the same demons....
All the best everyone and thank you for reading...
My name is John, I am currently 29 years of age and have recently accepted that I have a problem with drinking and feel that it is only a matter of time before I die because of it unless I do something about it....
I went on a 3 day bender last weekend, it started on Friday night and continued until 1am on Monday morning.... During this time I don’t remember most of Saturday night and a good portion of Sunday afternoon and Sunday night.... This would be a concern for most, however this has become the norm for me nowadays, every weekend I go out and drink enough that I don’t remember what happened the night before, usually I forget anything from 2 or more hours, it often sees we waking up next to random women who I dont remember meeting, losing large portions of money, covered in bruises and generally feeling disgusting about myself....
After nights like this I find it very easy to ease into a beverage the next morning when I wake up and as most of you know it is very hard to just stop at one.... So this then has an impact on my work performance on Mondays and Tuesdays, often I don’t work the full day on Monday and even when I do go to work the quality of work I provide is terrible because my head is usually messed up and my psychiatrist has just diagnosed me with panic disorder, which seems to be emphasised after binge drinking, so I am often in the bathroom thinking I am going to die....
Usually by Wednesday I am back to normal and don’t actually feel compelled to drink and by Thursday and Friday I usually justify my behaviour and tell myself I don’t have a problem and that I am able to be sensible... But then come Friday night or mid afternoon Saturday I am usually into my next big drinking session....
With the exception of a month earlier this year and 2 other weekends I can remember, I have not had a weekend off drinking for the past 12 years... I have done countless stupid things when I have been intoxicated, stupid things for money, breaking the law, unprotected sex or just generally being a disappointment to those people who are closest to me, when I sit back and reflect on my life as a binge drinker, it scares me to think how little control I have had over so much of my life....
The strange thing with drinking is I don’t overly enjoy it, the idea of drinking every day has never appealed to me and I do see friends and family who do drink every day and in a way this has allowed me to justify my behaviour for so long... But I cannot just have one drink, it seems like a very black and white area I can either abstain from drinking or I need to get to the point I don’t remember....
Anyway, I have decided to stop drinking which I think will be a relief to friends and family, it is going to be hard as there is a strong drinking culture amongst my friends and family.... I have managed to give up gambling, smoking, marijuana and ecstacy in the past, but that has been by removing myself from people I do all of those things with, I don’t feel like there is anywhere to hide from alcohol....
Plus I have always had the mindset that I am a far more interesting person when I am intoxicated, so it is difficult to break out of that mentality....
It has been a huge relief being able to read all of your stories as it is comforting to know that other people are battling the same demons....
All the best everyone and thank you for reading...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi John and welcome,
I used to think I was a much more interesting person when I was drinking. I went to a wedding soon after getting sober and the mother of the bride was giving a toast - mom was smashed on booze and pills - she was 'interesting' though, I'll say that much!
Okay, you gave up pot, ecstasy, gambling and smoking by not hanging out with the same people. You're right, it can be hard to 'hide' from the alcohol. For me, I had to stop going out for drinks after work, and I had to pass on some invites for functions where booze was gonna be in play. I also got active in AA and went out often with my new sober friends to coffee houses, pool parties, bbq's, etc.
Number one - you've identified that drinking is causing some difficulty in your life and you wish to stop. That's a good place to start.
I hope you visit this site often and continue to read and post. There is a lot of support to be found here from other members who are sober, or who are struggling to achieve sobriety.
I'm glad you found us.
Row
I used to think I was a much more interesting person when I was drinking. I went to a wedding soon after getting sober and the mother of the bride was giving a toast - mom was smashed on booze and pills - she was 'interesting' though, I'll say that much!
Okay, you gave up pot, ecstasy, gambling and smoking by not hanging out with the same people. You're right, it can be hard to 'hide' from the alcohol. For me, I had to stop going out for drinks after work, and I had to pass on some invites for functions where booze was gonna be in play. I also got active in AA and went out often with my new sober friends to coffee houses, pool parties, bbq's, etc.
Number one - you've identified that drinking is causing some difficulty in your life and you wish to stop. That's a good place to start.
I hope you visit this site often and continue to read and post. There is a lot of support to be found here from other members who are sober, or who are struggling to achieve sobriety.
I'm glad you found us.
Row
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad you are here....Welcome to SR!
Please read this ...blackouts are discussed on #35.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I too hung out with drinkers when I drank.
Who else would have put up with my
antics?
It's amazing how many new sober friends I've met in AA.
We do all sorts of activities...and now I remember them
I do hope you find your way into recovery...it's awesome.
Please read this ...blackouts are discussed on #35.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I too hung out with drinkers when I drank.
Who else would have put up with my
antics?It's amazing how many new sober friends I've met in AA.
We do all sorts of activities...and now I remember them
I do hope you find your way into recovery...it's awesome.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 1,733
Thanks for your post John,everyone sharing their experiences can only be a good thing,and on here it's good to know that you are not alone and that there are plenty of people to offer sympathy and advice.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Welcome !
Reading your story, I'd say it would be hard to admit there's not a problem
There were many things in my life that I accomplished on my own. I thought quitting drinking would just be another one to add to the list. I was wrong .
Anyway, good luck. There's lot's of support here. As long as your willing to do anything, and follow the suggestions of those who have gone before you, recovery is possible.
Reading your story, I'd say it would be hard to admit there's not a problem
have managed to give up gambling, smoking, marijuana and ecstacy in the past,
Anyway, good luck. There's lot's of support here. As long as your willing to do anything, and follow the suggestions of those who have gone before you, recovery is possible.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Originally Posted by Mashies 
every weekend I go out and drink enough that I don’t remember what happened the night before, usually I forget anything from 2 or more hours, it often sees we waking up next to random women who I dont remember meeting
Glad you've come to grips with it and are taking the necessary steps to put an end to the downward spiral.
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