Day 3 - Again
I'm a Pickle
Thread Starter
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
Day 3 - Again
Well, here I am again... Seems like the same story over and over ever since I found this place about 2 years ago. Since then, I think I have only made it 4 days without a drink. I used to think I only had a problem with binge drinking (1-2 days per week, I would drink until I blacked out for hours), but now I realize it is a bigger problem. Lately have have been drinking 1-5 drinks every single day. My 93-year-old grandmother has lived with me now for 2 weeks, and I want to say it is great, but it sucks, and the only thing I was looking forward to every day was my vodka gimlet, my latest drink of choice. Even sitting here right now, it sucks to think I can't have one tonight.
It has been 3 days since my last binge (Friday night) where my best drinking buddy and I decided to go out for TWO hours. I brought $10 and I told her lets bring NO more money and no check cards and no checkbooks with and then we KNOW we have to go home. Neither one of us can go home after a couple of drinks usually. So, she promised she wouldn't bring hers - well she did. So needless to say, went out at 5:00, ended up staying until 2 a.m. instead of going home at 7 like planned. I made out with someone who has a girlfriend (my son's friend's dad, this is) and I feel just ill about it now. THEN, I puked in my buddy's car and called her all sorts of horrible names. Then next day I overslept by 2 hours to find my gram wandering around the house. I was still drunk most of the day I think, and could barely function to take care of her. My friend called me to yell at me and tell me I need to "keep it together" and she isn't putting up with my crap.
Anyway, so, here I am again. Sad and empty and loney and ....broken.
It has been 3 days since my last binge (Friday night) where my best drinking buddy and I decided to go out for TWO hours. I brought $10 and I told her lets bring NO more money and no check cards and no checkbooks with and then we KNOW we have to go home. Neither one of us can go home after a couple of drinks usually. So, she promised she wouldn't bring hers - well she did. So needless to say, went out at 5:00, ended up staying until 2 a.m. instead of going home at 7 like planned. I made out with someone who has a girlfriend (my son's friend's dad, this is) and I feel just ill about it now. THEN, I puked in my buddy's car and called her all sorts of horrible names. Then next day I overslept by 2 hours to find my gram wandering around the house. I was still drunk most of the day I think, and could barely function to take care of her. My friend called me to yell at me and tell me I need to "keep it together" and she isn't putting up with my crap.
Anyway, so, here I am again. Sad and empty and loney and ....broken.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Sending a big hug your way. Sounds like a really crappy weekend. Hopefully it will get better for you.
I had a similar experience with my grandmother. I was supposed to be taking care of her at my aunt's house (aunt had to leave to take care of her granddaughter and needed some backup). Well my uncle and I got rip-roaring shnookered that night. I checked on my granny around MIDNITE and she was asleep in her chair in her bedroom. She had tried to take off her shirt, but couldn't get it over her head, so she was sleeping with pretty much a straight-jacket on. Ugghh... what a memory.
Hang in there and keep trying.
R.
I had a similar experience with my grandmother. I was supposed to be taking care of her at my aunt's house (aunt had to leave to take care of her granddaughter and needed some backup). Well my uncle and I got rip-roaring shnookered that night. I checked on my granny around MIDNITE and she was asleep in her chair in her bedroom. She had tried to take off her shirt, but couldn't get it over her head, so she was sleeping with pretty much a straight-jacket on. Ugghh... what a memory.
Hang in there and keep trying.
R.
I'm a Pickle
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
I appreciate the support and find so much of myself in so many of your posts and that makes me feel more human. I see myself becoming like my mother....now finding myself going to the bar at inappropriate times...when Im supposed to be having company, before my kids' soccer game, just times that I know I should not, which is something I have never done before this past summer. Like they say - it is a progressive disease and I am first now seeing the more advanced stages. Twice this year I have driven drunk and not even remembered the trip. This sickens me. I said I would NEVER do that again after my DWI in 2001. But here I go again. Never say never I guess. I can't believe how weak I can be, how much I can loathe myself. Have any of you seen the movie "Georgia Rule" with Felicity Huffman, and Jane Fonda? Well, it is a VERY good movie. However, there is an alcoholic mother in the movie, and it hit me when she was falling around and not at all in control of herself when my 14-year-old son laughed and said "Thats just like you mom!" Not cool. And not funny. I know.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi wiscgirl,
It IS a progressive disease and you really are seeing the effects of alcoholism in your life.
I believe that sobriety involves making a lot of hard choices. It seems like you made a good effort to limit the cash you had when you went out, but in my opinion, maybe you should question the friends you're spending time with and the places you're going. I know it's hard, but I know for me, I couldn't be around people drinking alcohol for a long time.
Keep reading and posting and don't give up.
It IS a progressive disease and you really are seeing the effects of alcoholism in your life.
I believe that sobriety involves making a lot of hard choices. It seems like you made a good effort to limit the cash you had when you went out, but in my opinion, maybe you should question the friends you're spending time with and the places you're going. I know it's hard, but I know for me, I couldn't be around people drinking alcohol for a long time.
Keep reading and posting and don't give up.
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