Been a long time... sober again.
Living on a prayer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: NC
Posts: 234
Been a long time... sober again.
Hi everyone. I was here at the beginning of this year when I cleaned up my act and got sober. That lasted less than 3 months. I started thinking I could drink socially again and have control of it. Needless to say, I was REALLY wrong! I ended up so much worse off than before. I was drinking all day everyday. I would shake and hurt without alcohol. I couldn't sleep more than 4 or 5 hours without waking up shaking and in pain needing a drink. I had large pieces of time missing from my memory, said and did things I still don't remember. I think the horrendous pain, along with being told over and over how mean I could get sometimes when drinking, finally woke me up a bit. I went to my medical doctor and asked for help. Blood work showed some damage already done to my liver. Long story short? He helped me find therapy and he and my therapist convinced me I had to go to inpatient detox to get sober, for my own safety and health. So, I did. 3 days inpatient detox and here I am, 22 days sober. I'm now on Campral to help with the alcohol cravings, I go to group sessions through my therapists office 2 to 3 times a week, see my therapist regularly and have a doctor through her that prescribes my medication. I was also put on Lexapro, and was told it will help with my obsessive compulsive need to be self destructive (I have a long history of transferring addictions). Now my patience level is WAY better than it's ever been before in my life! I have a lot of work to do to fix some of the damage I did (emotionally to my family and friends, financially, etc) but I'm working on me and the damage I did to those around me day by day. I've been back here almost daily since after I returned home from detox reading the posts and pulling from the support everyone gives to each other here. I just wanted to post up, admit to my relapse and say I am ashamed I fell and fell hard, but I'm working one day at a time to stay sober and keep moving forward. Thank you all for being here, just reading all the stories and posts here helps a lot, knowing I'm not alone.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
GraySkies, it's great to see you back.
It sounds like you are doing things to take good care of yourself and you're on the right path. Try to put the shame aside, learn from it and move forward. I have the self-destructive tendencies too and I know I can't allow myself to wallow in those feelings because that is what could take me back down. Just try to be patient and take things slowly. Your health will do what it's meant to do if you take care of yourself and your family and friends will see the changes in you.
It sounds like you are doing things to take good care of yourself and you're on the right path. Try to put the shame aside, learn from it and move forward. I have the self-destructive tendencies too and I know I can't allow myself to wallow in those feelings because that is what could take me back down. Just try to be patient and take things slowly. Your health will do what it's meant to do if you take care of yourself and your family and friends will see the changes in you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: baltimore, maryland
Posts: 463
Hi Gray Skies,
Nice to meet you.. Alcohol always brings it"s "A" game whenever I do battle with it. That means I have to be on my "A" game always....I have to admit that I was not always ready for battle (shame on me) and lost!!!! BUT it was only a single battle...NOT THE ENTIRE WAR.....Way to keep up the fight!!!! Keep dusting yourself off, like your doing and don't give up, never give up!!!
Work Hard and Enjoy Life.....NEd
Work Hard and Enjoy Life.....NEd
Living on a prayer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: NC
Posts: 234
Thank you all so much for your support and kind words! I will keep posting, and keep doing all I can to maintain this new clean and sober life I now have. It feels so good to have energy again, to enjoy time with my family AND remember it, to not need to apologize every morning for making a complete butt of myself the day/night before.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: library
Posts: 131
Your situation sounds almost identical to mine. Heavy drinking despite family obligations, sick of the mess and telling my doctor, 3 days inpatient detox, months of outpatient IOP. Even right down to the anitdepressant, Lexapro.
It's been over 3 years and I quietly live a normal life, leaving no more mess in my wake. My family gradually noticed the change and my committment to sobriety. It's no longer an issue w/them but it is issue #1 with me. Sobriety has become so much easier and when those off days happen, I fall back to the old "one day at a time" tool. (Although I'm not w/AA, they do give some sound advice.)
Good luck. Sounds like your doing everything right. By just maintaining your sobriety, most of the disaster's you may have created will resolve with time. Life becomes so much better. You begin to actually live it.
jane
It's been over 3 years and I quietly live a normal life, leaving no more mess in my wake. My family gradually noticed the change and my committment to sobriety. It's no longer an issue w/them but it is issue #1 with me. Sobriety has become so much easier and when those off days happen, I fall back to the old "one day at a time" tool. (Although I'm not w/AA, they do give some sound advice.)
Good luck. Sounds like your doing everything right. By just maintaining your sobriety, most of the disaster's you may have created will resolve with time. Life becomes so much better. You begin to actually live it.
jane
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